When is a behavior too much?

[Lee-Bee]

Many potential red flags. Do you have any autism resources on hand? I can't help but wonder if he is on the spectrum. Not all children with autism are unable to speak and just sit rocking all day. Some are able to speak and function fairly well but greatly lack the social 'norms'. They are very sensitive to touch (as you mention), they won't respond to their name (as you mention), they do not or have great difficulty bonding with others (as you mention).

In your shoes I would be getting a hold of a list of potential behaviors and observing. Making notes. Writing down observations. This may come in handy later on if the child is eventually diagnosed. It may not be now, may not even be until he is in school but I would be taking notes just in case.

I would change your focus. There is a chance this child is not capable of the same expectations as the others. Pick a few key things you need progress on and figure out a game plan. This doesn't mean the child gets a free pass for everything else but it means you have a focus on the things that mean the most right now and you may be able to progress there and move on to other behaviors.

If he does not respond to your name then you need to do more than just call his name. You may need to get in his eye sight and give a signal. Teach him a signal that is easy to do and that he knows means you need his attention. Do this while also saying him name so you can hopefully eventually move to just saying his name.

Give him a hula hoop. That is his play space. His toys stay in that play space or they go on the shelf. This will prevent him from running them into other children. It is a clear, visible boundary. If a hula hoop is too small a space find another carpet or very distinct clear boundary.

If you need to go out with him then you need to find a way to prevent him from running off. It may mean he wears a harness or a wrist strap. Be aware for many children on the spectrum this is a hard thing to handle (sensory) but with any luck if will work. While I rather dislike harnesses on children even I recognize that with certain children they are needed for the safety of all.

If there is any chance of a delay or developmental concern then the first step isn't just to get him to follow the rules it is to get him to function in your group. This will be MUCH easier if you set the environment up so he can function in the group. This would be the clear play boundary, the harness and other steps you take. Then once he's functioning and you aren't just calling his name and yelling all day you can start to work on his actual behaviors and making gains there.

Even if all this is just behavior and not delays or him being on the spectrum the above steps will just make your life that bit easier and hopefully that leads to progress as well!