Burnout?

[Suzie_Homemaker]

Busy ECE mommy raises some good points.

I close at 4.30pm without exception. While that does limit my potential client base, I've managed to fill my spaces consistently for the last 5 years with that closing time. I only need it to work for 6 client's and I'm unconcerned about whether it works or not for the majority seeking care. There is one local provider who I know has made snide comments about my closing time but so what - she's open until 6pm and if she feels she has to do that to fill her spaces, then that say more about what her program lacks. I've shown this market can cope with an early closing time so if she feels she has to work 90 mins longer, she can knock herself out.

I also have 10 days paid leave and 5 days paid sick. I take every single paid leave day every year but the sick days I only take if needed and I've not needed many at all. Part of avoiding getting sick is because I allow myself time to regroup each day.

One other thing I've learned is to vet clients and remember it's a two way interview. I will not offer a space to someone who I think is going to be problematic in any way. Late pickup fees are applied from the minute someone is late, every single time and because I enforce my policies my client's all respect the boundaries I have set in place.

All that said, my 4 boys are long grown and gone. Our youngest is in his final year of University but he's out of Province in Toronto and we know that's where he intends staying even after this year is done. And I do have a wonderful, semi-retired husband who picks up the slack, and is very supportive in letting me vent.

Any single Mom has my utmost respect because there is no break and no means to walk out the door and just catch your breath for a few mins. What I will say is when my husband was working, he would often work away and so for very short periods of a few weeks, I got a glimpse into your every day of doing it alone. Please don't forget you. As a person in your own right. I tell this to my daughter-in-law all the time. My son and daughter-in-law have a wonderful Downs Syndrome child but sometimes my daughter in law gets so absorbed with their child's needs that she forgets that she is a person still too and not solely a Mommy or wife.

When you give all the time, your cup gets empty. And you need time out to yourself to refill it. You can't keep giving to your children, your friends, your client's when you are running on empty.

Set some boundaries and be willing to enforce them. Sure, you might lose some client's as you figure out what you need but you will replace them with more suitable clients who are a better match. Don't feel you have to be everything to everyone and learn to say No. It's okay to say no to people and not justify your reasons for doing so.

I don't know how small your children are or if you have any support in your local community but try and take some time for you. And don't feel guilty about doing that. If you have daughters, you will be showing them that Mommy's are people too and no Mommy has to pretend to be Super Woman until she's beyond exhausted and second guessing her choices. And if you have sons, then it's good that they see woman aren't these wind up toys that can just keep going and going without any escape.

Perhaps there is another single parent in your community you could befriend? This isn't a pity us single parents move but it might lead into an arrangement where you take her children overnight once a month and she does the same for you. That at least gives you one night off to go and be an adult somewhere. Even if you just spend the time browsing the stores, and treating yourself to lunch or an evening meal out somewhere. You have to get some rewards and treats for the effort you are putting in raising your children alone or you will begin to feel invisible and unworthy - and no emotionally healthy adult should feel that way.

Take up a hobby you've always wanted to try - so what if it means a little expense. If one of your children came asking to try a new sport, I know you'd try and find the money for him/her to see if this was going to become a passion of theirs. You deserve equally to have those opportunities.

Do something for you - please don't wait until some imaginary time in future like when your loan is paid off, when the children are a little older, when it's summer, when there's more money - This is your life. It's now. It's not some wishy-washy date in the future. Show your children that when they get to be an adult, that life isn't about just working and working. If you can't justify it to yourself, then justify it by understanding that you are showing your children that adults are individuals too and that taking time out for yourself is healthy and wise. It enables you to return to your family or client's, refreshed, and with a clearer mind and with better focus. Spreading yourself so thin trying to be everything to everyone is a fool's game because no one is getting the best you.