Help! Behavioural Issues with siblings

[Suzie_Homemaker]

Am I doing something wrong?

Not necessarily wrong but it seems to be wrong for the mix of personalities you have combined with your lack of experience. i.e. what you are doing now, isn't working for you so changes have got to be made.

Is this normal behaviour for siblings?

For some yes. This might sound very judgmental but in my observation, the children who behave this way do so because they have never learned any different. You will likely find that while the parents are hearing what you say, they aren't actually changing anything. If kids are allowed to behave this way at home, they will behave this way elsewhere too.
If you are wholly convinced that this isn't how they are allowed to behave at home, then the issue is they aren't respecting your authority. Simply, there's no consequence other than being told what they are doing isn't okay.

Should I be doing something differently?

Yes because what you are doing now, isn't getting their respect, they don't believe there's going to be any consequence.

I’m wondering if I should terminate their contract, or if I just have unrealistic expectations, or if I am approaching it all the wrong way….

Ultimately, unless you are prepared to get stern, have some consequences in place, and follow through, then terminating the contract with them might be the best bet for creating a blank slate. It's going to be a lot of work for these personalities to come from negative respect to fully believing that you really will not tolerate this mischief.

You're expectations are not unrealistic but you might have chosen your client's poorly. Boisterous, loud, disruptive children are not going to change the habits of a lifetime.

If I were you, I would place ads and get replacements lined up and terminate this sibling group. Do not tell the sibling group parent's until you have replacements lined up.

I avoid sibling groups unless it's a preschooler who has been here from infant who is being joined by a new sibling. I never take more than 2 in a sibling group because then you risk losing too many spaces if they move/lose their employment, and they do buddy up which can be intimidating to the others in the group who are without a sibling/back up.

Remember that interviews are two-way. You are assessing the suitability of these children being guests in your home on a daily basis. Make sure that the children come to the interview too so you can meet them. During the interview, engage with the children but try and keep a back seat so you can see if they have any boundaries with respectful behavior - do they walk around like they run the place? Do they pull down toys and possessions with no care about damage? But most important, what do the parents/do or say if this happens? If the parent ignores it, then you know that lack of respect is ignored at home too. If the parents try and cajole them into behaving, you know that the kids are running the show and parents making half hearted comments when they think they look bad but have no intent of actually parenting.

These are the family's you do not offer a place to and allow them to go elsewhere.

Next observations - school age children and the younger children rarely are a good combination. While I accept in some provinces the age restrictions mean that before and after school are the go-to in order to fill the spaces, this does mean running two programs as one person.

Little children need more direct interaction and help. School age children require a referee and lots and lots of physical activity to keep them occupied and busy. If the activities are not physical, the school age children get bored and restless and start looking for their own entertainment.

In terms of having to prep on your own time - welcome to child care. That's just how it is. Even with small children, you have to be right next to them every minute of every day so prepping should not be possible during business hours unless you manage to do some at nap time.

I prep activities in the evening too. I cook lunches for the next day in the evening. This is just how this business is.

It would be useful to know what sort of activities do you have lined up to occupy the older children and keep them out of looking for mischief?

When you speak to them about their language, jumping on your couches, running inside, what do they say? What is the consequence of them doing this? What is their response?

I think you need to :-

1. Think very seriously about if you can manage two programs for the different age groups or not.
2. Come up with some policies regarding discipline which is age appropriate and documented.
3. Advertise for replacements for this sibling group before this behavior rubs off on the little ones too.
4. Get rid of the sibling group as soon as you have replacements lined up.
5. Make sure you have lots of physical activity - especially for boys.


And don't be afraid to be firm with children from day one. I never raise my voice but if a child was jumping on my couch I would say "Get.Down.,Now". Firm, clear, concise directions. I would never say "Would you please stop jumping on my couch" because that gives the impression that it's a request. It isn't.

Learn to watch your language in terms of how you phrase things. I don't ask if a child will put on their shoes, I tell them to please go put on your shoes. I state clear instructions but politely with please and thank you to show how respectful communication happens. I will listen to an upset child express their feelings but that won't change the consequence for their action if they are upset because they are in trouble. "I'm sorry you are upset with me for telling you not to hurt your friends. But in this house we don't hurt each other and if you hadn't hurt your friend, you would not have been told to stop. For now, you need to sit away from the group, while you think about how you would feel if someone hurt you."

That sort of explaination is given only after the instruction to cease whatever it is they were doing, and only after they have stopped. Following a direction here is not negotiable.

I rarely have time outs here because my children know when I tell them not to do something, I mean it. You have to be consistent all the time. X action = Y consequence. That way, they know where the boundary is, they know you will always enforce it even if they test to see it's still in existence and they know what their consequence will be if they don't follow an instruction.

You don't always have to punish to discipline. But the children do need to know that you are in charge all the time.