Toilet training

[sunnydays]

I have a little boy in my care who is almost two and a half and his parents have been toilet training at home for a few months and over the holidays took him out of care for two weeks and completed the process and said he hasn't had an accident in a week and a half. I am very happy that they have done it this way (as I suggested), but today he is back with me and his mom sent him in cloth training pants, saying she forgot to bring pull-ups (I understand as she has had a death in the family). He has had three accidents so far today and we spent half the morning in the bathroom and so I put him in a pull-up I found of mine for naptime...he was not happy about it. He says he has to pee and then as soon as he gets on the toilet he says he's done. He finally peed a tiny bit in the toilet...I really tried to get him to finish, but he insisted he was done. Then, 2 minutes later he peed his pants. I knew that this first week might be tough, but do any of you have suggestions on how toilet train at daycare? This is only my second time with a dck and the first time did not go well (I haven't had trouble with my own kids). Help please!

[Errbear]

I'll be watching this thread for advice. I'm in the same boat but with a girl. She hasn't shown me any signs of being ready but mom insists she is....still haven't seen it

[sunnydays]

I think what I am finding the hardest is that each time I take him into the bathroom to try, all the other kids follow us, uncluding the craling baby and then start trying to crawl into the shower etc. I think it makes me feel pressured to get him to finish the job quickly...and I know I shouldn't be pressuring him! However, he doesn't want me to leave him there and close the door and I cannot stay with him and close the others out as I need to watch them. Then eventually I start to feel frustrated with the whole process and how we are all in the bathroom all the time rather than playing and doing other activities. I am thinking that unless he asks to go, I should only take him there at diaper change times...if he wears a pull-up I will feel more comfortable with this and less stressed about accidents on the rug.

[playfelt]

I have 4 in various stages of training right now and each parent has done it differently and in their own way despite the fact I am the one with the child the bulk of the day. I finally put my foot down to so speak in October and said enough is enough and announced what would be happening at daycare. Parents need to realize that life at daycare is different. At home if they say "pee" mom drops everything and goes to the bathroom with the child maybe even sings or reads him a story or whatever. At my house when the child says "pee" they realize they have to leave the toys and their friends and go to the potty and we are there to pee not have social time. In other words announcing you have to pee can be like asking to be punished in a way - as the same thing as being sent to time out happens (no toys, no friends). Parents are also guilty of taking ownership of toileting instead of letting the child take the lead and that was the problem here. It was the parents that were telling the child when to go and making him sit till he did, etc. The result is that he never learned the concept of "going potty" - just peeing by accident when on the toilet which led to lots of accidents in the underwear they insisted he was ready for.

My policy is pullups and sweatpants if you want me actively train your child. If still in diapers we go on the potty before and after nap etc. ie normal diaper change times if they are still dry. They stay in pullups until they have been accident free for a month AT DAYCARE without me telling them to go pee. They know when they need to go and either go by themselves or tell me for assistance. Once we switch to underwear they wear a pullup at naptime till I am satisfied. I also have a no accidents policy after meaning if you pee them then the replacement is a pullup. The rationale here being child may be sick, overtired, being obstinate or lazy - who cares the reason but we get to pee only once in our pants at daycare for the day. Tomorrow you try again. I do not rinse clothes and that includes poop in underwear - if a solid chunk I dump but anything runny goes in a zip bag and goes home.

I am not a fan of toilet training just because parents have this weird attitude about it. A child can still have a baby bottle, soother and sleep in a crib, babble or whine instead of words, eat with fingers, not bite and chew foods, etc. but all of a sudden they reach age 2 and I am supposed to potty train????? Toilet learning like everything else is a natural stage of development and children need to progress through them all more or less in order. When the child feels grown up and is treated like they are growing up then they will want to do grown up things like use the toilet. Until then there is this great thing called pullups.

[sunnydays]

I feel better hearing that someone with lots of experience does not find it easy either...as a newer provider, I was starting to wonder if I am doing something wrong. I am definitely going to require pull-ups to ease the stress of the whole thing...the child will feel my stress if not. Thanks for your support Playfelt!

[playfelt]

I also do not provide stickers, toys, candy treats, rewards of any kind for going pee - again it is just as normal as now your child can roll over, now your child can stack 5 blocks, now your child can use a sippy cup, now your child can pee in the toilet - normal development. I will let parents know how the day went and what they want to do when they get home is up to them so it allows all parents to do their preferred method. The only fair way to go in group care - either all get for peeing or no one gets.

One trick and this helps parents to see what is happening is to have them draw a smiley face on the pullup when they dress the child in the morning and then promise the child whatever -candy, toy, hug, if they come home with the smiley face on. It takes the pressure off when you remind the child that if they don't go to the toilet in time they won't be able to keep their smiley face - their diaper will get sad and mommy and daddy will be sad too. I get to stay neutral - I am only a facilitator.

[Judy Trickett]

I have a policy that you must be dry in a pull up for two whole weeks while IN daycare. Most providers have a similar policy. What parents fail to recognize is kids are often not the same in daycare as at home because there is so much going on here that they often forget to go. Also, it is a whole different ballgame at home because there is one on one care and that just isn't gonna happen at daycare. I can not shadow Tommy all day and ignore the other kids taking him to the bathroom every five minutes for three minutes at a time. That would consume ALL my day and then who is looking after the other kids??

Also, I don't allow any cloth training pants either. They leak and that is unsanitary.

I find a lot of parents think that taking your child to the washroom every 5 or 10 or 20 minutes and having them pee means they are potty trained. Sorry, but that is NOT potty trained. Potty trained is when THEY can tell YOU they have to go BEFORE they actually go.

[mlc1982]

kangaroomama, i've had the same problem with the other kids while training my daughter (following me, playing in the bathroom.) I finally started putting a gate at the end of my hallway so the kids would stay on one side and i could stand in the hall just outside the bathroom where i could see my daughter as well.

[sunnydays]

Thank you all for your advice! I feel much more confident that it is not something I am doing wrong. Also, the parents dropped off pull-ups tonight and I think I will do as Playfelt suggested with the happy face and see how that goes. I will also require at least two weeks dry in th epull-up before attempting the training pants again. I am so relieved to now have a plan in place...thanks to you all

[sunnydays]

Okay, another question ladies: this same child is tormented by this whole process! He is obviously trained at home as his parents have told me, but he refuses to use the toilet for someone other than his parents. His parents told me he hasn't done it for grandma or anyone else either. He hates peeing or pooping in his pull-up...he gets this tortured look on his face and panics, but he will either refuse to go to the bathroom or when I get him there he will say 'all done' right away and start crying...he is ovioiusly holding it in and really upset about the whole thing, but just can't do it. He is very comfortable with me and being at my home and has been here since last May, but he has never liked diaper changes either...always asking to see his mommy. Is there anything I can do for this poor little guy to help him get over his fear? If I make him stay on the toilet longer he starts crying and gets really upset and I don't want that...but then he is really upset to do it in his pull-up too. I've tried singing to him while on the toilet to relax him, bringing toys in with him, running water, having other kids go first, tons of praise, drawing a bunny on his pull-up to keep it dry...I am out of ideas!