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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    1 Time in 1 Post

    New dcg wants to be carried all day & parents are uncooperative

    I have a dcg who just turned 1 2 weeks ago. I have had her for almost a month, and at the moment she is the only full-time child I have & I do have 2 more starting in a week. The first week she cried all day everyday. She cried even harder when she thinks I'm walking away from her. She is also needing to be rocked AND held to sleep for about 15-20 minutes after she falls asleep before I can actually put her down. The first few days I was ok with giving her extra comfort because I know it's all new to her. But I am still having problems with her wanting to be carried all day. She cries to be carried & although I COULD do it now because it's just her & my 2 year old daughter I have, I don't because I don't want it becoming a habit for when I have all 3 spots filled. From my understanding, she is carried all day at home & she is picked up every time she whines or cries. Before coming into my care she was being cared for by grandma full-time. Mom keep sneaking off from her AND extending the goodbyes which is the worst things you could do.

    I have tried talking to mom about not sneaking away & not extending the goodbyes but those were dismissed by "well she saw me leave the other day". That other day she was referring to was her second day so of course that day is going to be rough, regardless. After that talk, she is still trying to sneak away from her and is still extending the goodbyes. Another thing, is that she needs to be rocked AND held for a while after falling asleep before I can put her down. Again, sure it could work now, but I can't get into the habit of doing that. I have tried asking mom if there are any other ways she thinks would work for her because I can't do that when I have other children here to tend to & she told me that that's just how she sleeps & that "I'm fine with whatever you wanna do". One day I had my part-time boy here & it was nap time & I spent half an hour sitting rocking & holding her to sleep that by the time I was able to put her down, he had already fallen asleep where he was playing before. That day I knew I had to have a talk with mom because it was now affecting other children. When I told her she kind of giggled like she thought it was funny how he just fell asleep where he was. When she picks her up at the end of the day & I tell her how her day was & that she still wants to be carried all day, mom has a look on her face as if me NOT carrying her is upsetting her. I am starting to think that this is just how it's going to be from here on out, and that we will always be unable to work together. I should add that the new dcg has warmed up quite a bit & is able to enjoy herself while here, it's just that I'm getting the impression from mom that she expects and thinks I'm going to prioritize her needs over everyone else's.

    For the last week I have been seriously considering giving her 2 weeks notice, because I feel like we are always going to bump heads and I don't want that for anybody. I think the only thing that is stopping me from doing it is that I don't want to be that person who seems like I am quitting on a baby. Would it be wrong of me to terminate care?
    Last edited by sheykavia; 10-06-2018 at 09:55 AM.

  2. #2
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    476 Times in 359 Posts
    Lots of thoughts - In no particular order.

    1. You terminate a child whenever it suits you. Just like a parent would terminate care whenever it suits them. You do not owe a client anything other than quality care which you are providing.

    2. Never, never, ever, do something for a child which you are unable to do long term and with a full quota of children. If this means not picking up a clingy child during their first few days, so be it. I never pick up a whining child especially in the first few weeks. I will hold them when they are happy to reassure them the attention is here but if a child is whining to be pick up for no reason, I will not do it. I will sit on the floor with them, at their level, and interact with them but I never pick up a child whining just to be held for the sake of it. I can't do that forever and I can do that for 6 so I don't do that at all.

    3. Never hold a child or rock a child to get them to sleep unless they are under 6 months. Any thing older has to learn that they need to settle independently. When I have a poor sleeper start my day home, I lay them down awake, and if they cry, I will let them grumble for a short while before going back in and laying them down again. I don't speak to them or make eye contact or chat because I'm trying to teach them this isn't play time or interaction time. If they are howling then of course I go in sooner but the same happens. It might take 3-4 days of repeatedly going in, laying them down etc but if you are consistent it will work. Laying your hand on their back or tummy seems to help them settle but you need to leave promptly once they settle and if they kick off again, go back in and repeat. If you are willing to do this before your other new client's start care, you might be able to get this fixed before having more to look after.

    4. The biggest red flag to me is the parent's seeming unwillingness to work with you to fix this. It's not amusing for their child to need the majority of this time and it cannot be an on going situation. It's nether reasonable or practical for you to manage this longer term so it has to be fixed and if they aren't going to support you in that, one has to wonder what else you will be dealing with unsupported in future.

    Personally, the lack of support would be a deal breaker for me. My goal is always to work with the parents to ensure the success of the child. If the parents are unwilling to support me or do their part, then I would replace that client. When you have full quota, you can't expect the others to pay the going rate if their child is getting less than their share of your attention. If these client's want one on one care for their child, based on their preferences, then that is a nanny service and comes with a nanny price tag. If they want to benefit from lower child care costs of a group care environment, then their child has to be part of the group not a single entity.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    72 Times in 69 Posts
    Hi. It must be hard to go through all these issues. My suggestion would be to first take this child outside (if the weather is nice), go to a park either let her sit in the stroller or let her explore. My only function during the first days is to tire the children out, once I do that I do not find any issue at nap time. If a child had fallen asleep in my stroller is also ok. He/she probably won't have a nap time I just keep them awake but usually they're happy to explore things (while they gain confidence and secury).

    Some children slowly learn our routines, I do work hard the first couple of months to keep them adjusted and become emotionally happy, and secure once that happens a child is normally ready to move on and gain independence.

    I just started with a baby in the same conditions (first time parents); but trying things out in a matter of a week I found out she likes to be in a exesaucer for some reason she feels secure there doesn't cry, and she entertains herself. Now she has moved on from that, but from time to tome she likes to be in.

    I also do not carry children but I work most of the time at their eye level on my knees. So far nap times aren't an issue I figure it out that getting them tired helps them to fall asleep quick.

    A child usually learns fast that parents have a different treatment than a caregiver. They learn that a daycare is different than their home and they adapt and learn to interact in two different environments. They're really smart more than we give them credit for:0)

    The more positive you are the more secure that baby will grow and she will be ready to explore things on her own. If you have more children coming this is also a learning experience for them some are ready and secure and they learn to be patient and supportive with their little friend.

    My work mostly is done with the children, I do not put pressure on parents. But yes I use a lot communication with them. When the children get to do great things under my care usually they do not like to be carried even by their parents;0)

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    1 Time in 1 Post
    Thank you so much for your advice on putting her for a nap. I tried that yesterday & was prepared for a lot of crying & screaming, but surprisingly, it worked well. She was asleep in under 5 minutes & without much crying.

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