Feeling Guilty About Upcoming Termination Notice

[wpgmomma0412]

I’m about to hand out my first termination notice next week, & I’m feeling very guilty about it. DCG has almost become a member of our family & we’ve come a long way with her. She started with me when she was 12 months, & she’s now 18 months. I have been having issues with mom since the very first week of her being in my care, things like not wanting to work with me, undermining my ability as a provider, & she has also blamed me for her poor sleeping patterns at home, even though she’s stated the day she started that her mom (DCG’s grandma) got her into a bad sleeping pattern of constantly wanting to be held & won’t sleep on her own anymore. Mom is constantly mentioning to me that she goes to sleep late, wakes up a lot throughout the night, & has a tone that suggests she’s thinking I’m the reason. She constantly gives in to her, as soon as she’s awake they bring her in their bed with them & give her a bottle. I’ve tried to have a conversation with her (very politely of course) about how this is affecting her ability to get a good rest here. She has told me that she likes when she doesn’t get a good rest because it means she’ll go to sleep easier tonight (she never actually does, because she runs the show at home). I’ve also tried talking to her about how her inability to get a good rest is interrupting the rest of the other children in my care, but she didn’t seem to understand that I can’t prioritize the needs of her child over the needs of my group. Two weeks ago on a Friday, DCG vomited in her nap very badly & I called mom to tell her she needs to be picked up ASAP & her response to me was “well if she’s not fevered & you cleaned her up then that’s all we can really do at this point. I can’t leave work until 4pm”, it was 1:30pm. Sure enough as I predicted, she ended up with the stomach flu & passed it onto my daughter & the other 2 children in my care & brought her back on Monday saying she was ok & told me her diarrhea was due to her food sensitivities. 3 other children in my care ended up having the exact same colour & type of diarrhea as DCG.

We really love DCG, & this has been the only reason I haven’t terminated up to this point. Another large factor in this is that mom is 6 months pregnant & is planning on keeping her here full time after she gives birth, so I know my termination notice will really turn their world upside down. I know we shouldn’t get too attached, but I am losing sleep over this. I already have the spot filled for the beginning of March & the notice will be handed out next week. I’ve tried to just hang in there the last 6 months, but I don’t see it getting any better as it just keeps getting worse & worse. I’ve tried writing it off to pregnancy hormones, which could be, but I’ve even noticed a change of tone (the same tone mom gives me) in grandma towards me when she picks up DCG some days.

In the notice do I include a reason for termination, or do I leave that out & just include that X date is her last day? I’ve never termed before, & I don’t really know how to proceed from here. Could any of you seasoned providers give me some words of encouragement & advice? Am I making the right choice? I know it would be best for my group, but I’m feeling guilty about the stress this is going to cause.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

Parents who don't follow the policies and work against us will always argue when a specific reason is given. i.e. if you mention her coming when ill, the mom will try and reason that she wasn't to know etc. Since you aren't going to change your mind, the reason is irrelevant so it's better not to try and justify your reasons. If she was handing you notice, you wouldn't be quizzing her on the why, you'd be accepting that your service no longer meets their needs.

Just put that unfortunately you have made the decision to give her notice, make sure you detail the final date of care along with any dates during the notice period that fees are due. If you have a policy that they pay regardless of attendance during the notice period, remind her of that too. Attach a signed copy of the contract to remind her that's what she agreed to.

You will always feel guilty but you shouldn't. This isn't a friend although I know when we love the children, it's hard to remember this is a business transaction. This parent isn't a good match for your group. It's better to give notice to one client than risk losing more than one of the other client's because parents are fed up with their children being exposed to illness they shouldn't have been or the lack of a quality rest period which is key in their development. A bad apple in the crate never ever learns from the good apples. A bad apple will always contaminant those around them so remove them fast before the rest of the container rots.

[Busy ECE mommy]

Don’t feel guilty. You’ve tried and given it your best shot.
If there is no consistency with home and daycare, you will be fighting an uphill battle.
I would just word it as not being able to meet the child’s developmental needs.
Don’t get into the specifics.
Outline the last day of care and be specific about what money is outstanding.
Not every family is a good fit for the group.
Cut yourself some slack, and know that you’ve done what you can.

[wpgmomma0412]

Thank you for the support! Another question I guess, is should I tell her in person when she picks up at the end of the day & then send the actual email afterwards? I’m going to send it through email & I’m worried that if I tell her to expect the notice later that day, that she’s going to try to talk me out of it & I’m not very good with confrontation. I just think it might seem a little condescending to not mention anything at all at pick up & then an hour later she gets an email with her final invoice & her termination notice.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

I tend to tell them in person and follow up with e-mail. That way, it's professional because you've done it face to face but you have a paper trail clearly stating money owed, etc. Once you tell someone you've decided to let them go, they don't hear the details anyway.

Since you know you aren't good at confrontation, practice now for when you tell her "I'm sorry but I put a lot of thought into this and my mind is made up.". You'll feel more confident then if it's needed.

[Peacefulbird]

Hi.

I would also say do not feel guilty, and that happens some children or families are just not the right fit.

When you show that you're worried "which is posted in your comment", that means that you're stressed with the situation. Explain that to them. Be honest and tell them that it is affecting your well being (very important for doing this job), and because of your commitment to other families as well, you had to take this irrevocable desicion. Wishing for them to find a right fit and support for their child and them.

[wpgmomma0412]

Thanks Peacefulbird. I guess the thing that worries me the most is that I’m terminating a family that is expecting a baby in a few months & is going to be scrambling to find other arrangements. Personally, I feel that a nanny or grandma would be best since mom wants personalized care for DCG.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

Thanks Peacefulbird. I guess the thing that worries me the most is that I’m terminating a family that is expecting a baby in a few months & is going to be scrambling to find other arrangements. Personally, I feel that a nanny or grandma would be best since mom wants personalized care for DCG.

There's never a right time to terminate a family. Just like there's never a right time to have an opening. This isn't personal, it's business. You cannot fill your spaces with quality client's when they are occupied by people who have no respect for you, your income, your home or your business.

[Peacefulbird]

Thanks Peacefulbird. I guess the thing that worries me the most is that I’m terminating a family that is expecting a baby in a few months & is going to be scrambling to find other arrangements. Personally, I feel that a nanny or grandma would be best since mom wants personalized care for DCG.

It could be only few months they got to arrange new care but, I'm sure they will find someone. It could also be a centre based at least you help them out for six months centres have open spots 18 months and up (younger ages is hard).

If you're in Ontario (and I'm sure other provinces also have), search the "communicable diseases in schools and daycares",
Although I always say I have a very easy point form contract, I make sure during my interviews to let parents know that I follow the province school and daycares protocols in regards of communicable diseases. I have facilitated the website so they can read any time and slso printed a copy for each one so they can guide themselves. This is followed by schools, that backs me up (so it doesnt feel, only me imposing general health practices)

That basically helped me to support my daycare. I have structured the basic bases of my daycare and created tools for parents to guide them selves and or protocols to follow. And When their children go to school they're already familiar with it.

Many think that a "homedaycare", it is like a grandmother house but they forget to realize that we care for more children and families and despite running in a home we need to follow regulations, nutritional, safety and health practices.

[wpgmomma0412]

Many think that a "homedaycare", it is like a grandmother house but they forget to realize that we care for more children and families.

This is so true! I’ve found that this specific parent is always trying to make demands that would affect my group, like TELLING ME not to take them outside because she has a runny nose (although I state in my handbook that we do go outside in certain temperatures if it’s nice enough & if they’re not well enough to participate then they are to stay home). Yesterday during pick up, mom sighs a sigh of relief when I tell her DCG didn’t have a very good nap yesterday & woke up the other children with her screaming. I was pretty bothered that she could be so inconsiderate to the other children in my care. I’ve been feeling so guilty lately, & that interaction yesterday just reaffirmed my decision to terminate. I will be notifying her this Friday rather than next week.