Transition Visits

[Poppy]

I have a new child starting in 6 weeks. She will be 12 months old then. The mother has just sent me a message asking me if they can come in for an hour or so this week so her daughter can start getting used to things. I replied that I usually do visits 1-2 weeks before the start date and I find that is usually sufficient.

She has just replied that she doesn't want to be "that mom" but really wants her daughter to be "used to things" before she starts. And that she will "stay with her this time."

Is it just me, or does that seem a bit excessive? I'm not comfortable with doing visits that far in advance but I also don't want to appear to be inflexible. Visits effect the other children in my care as well. It completely disrupts their routine and schedule as well.

Any thoughts on how I can handle this?

[mickyc]

I would tell mom No. 6 weeks is way too far in advance. For me I also do not allow transitioning while parents are here. It causes confusion with the child as well as the other kids. Why can't mom stay - she did before. Also you said yourself it disrupts routine and schedule. You have to look out for the children already in your care.

For myself I allow a child to come a few mornings only the week before they start care. I do charge $20 instead of $30 for these days. That is it though, they must start full days after that. The faster we can get the new child into routine the better. Drawing it out just makes it harder to transition and quick drop off's work best.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I have done visits in the past where the parent stays for an hour and I don't charge for this. If they want and I'm able to accommodate, they can send their child alone for 4 or less hours and pay half fee for the week prior to starting. This is only for a week though and after that it's full fees.

However, I have started to get away from this. I explain that from experience, children transition better if they are just thrown into dc and the routine and the impact it can have on the other children. If a parent really really wanted it I would allow it to an extent. I would do one 1 hour visit with them as it allows them to see me in action. I try to put myself in their shoes and I completely understand why parents feel the need to have these visits, especially with home daycares. If I put my child into someone's home I would feel extremely guilty if I didn't make 100% sure it was safe.

In the end, it's totally up to you. I have never had anyone pull their child because I wouldn't allow a visit but be prepared that some may as it would be a red flag to some parents.

[Busy ECE mommy]

I do 2 interview visits with parents, and then the transitions are without parents. I stagger the transitions usually 1-2 weeks before starting, but not 6 weeks before. I do 1 hour, then 2 hrs, then 3 hr visits, and then they start.

[playfelt]

The transition is for the mom and she is under the false pretense that the child will get "used" to daycare by visiting once a week for a month and not cry at drop offs, etc. Reality is the child will protest the changes (cry) but then learn to accept coming to daycare just as mom laments the end of mat leave but accepts going back to work and makes the best of it.

I would probably allow a couple visits but I do them first thing in the morning ie 7:30-8:30 as if it were a normal day and let mom stay but then they go home. Anything more the child stays alone and the parent pays accordingly for the time used.

[kellykelly1847]

Hi
Just tell her straight out , that is not your policy to have the parent hang about, it disrupts your routine, simple.
If she cant understand that, then she has other options for daycare,
dont stress yourself out,

[Rachael]

I'd say no too.

IMO, transition period are more for the Mom's peace of mind then the child's needs esp at 12 months old.

If she doesn't want to be "that Mom" then she needs to stop behaving like her.

Stick to your guns. When you next make contact be firm. Offer her the dates which suit you. Outline what your transitions comprise of. You are not a cafe for her to pop in when she wants it to happen esp since you've already stated that it's too soon. The last thing you need is a stressed-about-going-back-to-work new mom eagle eyeing your every move as that's disruptive to all.

Dear xxxx

Although I do understand that leaving your child with a new carer is a very unfamiliar and stressful time for the parents, my usual transitions take place 1-2 weeks prior to the start date.

This has proven to be the most effective timing. Too soon in advance means the child won't remember the transition and so it's effectiveness is completely lost.

Although I appreciate your offer to stay with your child, this is not helpful as it's very disruptive to all the other children when a stranger is present in the day care.

With this in mind, I have scheduled XXX date for an introduction which is the week before your start date. If you would like to drop off your child at xxx time, and then say a brief but firm goodbye and return to collect him/her at xxx time. Based on how your child is in your absence, should I determine another brief period of time in the day care would be beneficial, I have tentatively scheduled this for xxx day at xxx o'clock. "

Be firm. This is your business and if you don't run it, it will run you. People like this can run right over you so you need to show her from the beginning that you are the one in control.

[Poppy]

Thank you all for your great advice! I did reply and tell her that I was unable to accommodate 6 weeks of visits and that it was way too in advance. I said that I could schedule 1 or 2 after September 15th and we can see how it goes then.

I always try to please people and sometimes find dealing with parents to be the more difficult side of things.

Thanks again!