Is mom asking too much?

[thenest]

I began sitting for a family four months ago and everything was great. This family gives me their childcare dates ever Sunday for the week of as her dates always change. I have always accommodated them. I even accommodate all of her requests: provide her child with her supplied teething rings, change her into her pjs at nap time, provide her with crackers or toys while walking in the stroller etc.

This baby (17 months) is very strong and has been aggressive since the day she started. She bites, pulls hair, hits and kicks every child. Mainly she picks on my son who is 17 months as well. I inform mom every time she picks her up if it was a major incident. Everytime it's my fault. She bit someone because I didn't have her tethers available, she hair pulled and kicked in the stroller because I didn't provide her with toys or food and she was probably starving (I feed her breakfast 45 minutes before we leave to drop off at school). Every day I provide the parents with written reports, I daily blog with their activities and pictures and we do crafts, play outside and they're provided with a preschool program.

The other day mom asked me to start a journal with the time, what her child was doing before, during and after the incident. She has blamed the other children for her actions that they may be provoking her when they are no where near her and she also tried to blame my school age son the other day. I charge ten dollars less than anyone in the area and I feel like I give so much to this family, but it's never enough.

I feel like I want to terminate because mom is always adding new things to my list and is never happy. Am I over reacting or is she really asking a lot?

[bright sparks]

This woman seems like a piece of work. Let me ask you a question though....Who's business is this? Is it yours. Because if it is then you set your rules and she follows them,not the other way round. If she doesn't like they way you do things, then she can find someone else. Obviously in this case she thinks she is your boss, but where will you draw the line with these demands? I'd have a sit down conversation with her about what's going on, explain that a journal isn't necessary if she trusts you because she should take you at your word and trust your ability to manage caring for Children including behaviour issues and if she needs to analyze where you are clearly letting these incidents happen in her opinion, then yes you should terminate. She clearly has no respect for you or your word and likely trying to resolve things with this woman and her frame of mind would be a huge waste of time

[cfred]

Yep...buh bye! The parent with the faultless child is not a parent you want on the roster. You'll never win. I'm guessing this is an only child. Mum should probably stay home with her own little snowflake as her demands are, in my opinion, quite excessive. If she's not on board to help resolve these issues, or at least support you...forget it.

[Fun&care]

First off, yes this woman is asking too much because YOU LET HER. Your daycare, your rules! I would not be taking requests from parents to give their child crackers in the stroller because we have a set snack time as is. And changing into pjs at naptime? No way. Send your child in clothes that are comfortable enough to sleep and play in and there should be no need to change them.

She doesn't seem to be taking you seriously about her child's aggressiveness. I would say flat out no for the journaling and having a sit down chat with her about your expectations and what you are doing and your side to change this and what she should be doing at home and that if you don't see improvement in this child's behavior within 2 weeks (or your chosen time frame) then unfortunately you will not be able to provide care for them. You have a responsibility to look out for all the other children in your daycare and it's not fair to the other families to be dropping their child off in an environment that is unsafe and unpleasant. And to be honest-it sounds like you would be better off without this client. One of the most important things if you want to stay in the daycare business for a while is to have boundaries and stick with 'em. If you don't, families will walk all over you and take advantage of you.

[mickyc]

I agree - this is your business and you need to stand up to her.

In my daycare we eat when everyone eats, no teething rings and I am constantly on the little ones to keep things out of their mouths, changing the child into PJ's for nap - really!? 17 months old is old enough to be able to wait to eat and old enough to no longer need a teething ring.

Personally I would just discipline the child yourself and not bother telling mom of the behaviour issues. She obviously doesn't agree with you and likely won't change things at home.

I say give it a few weeks of you dealing with the issues yourself, if you don't see any improvement then terminate. Stop catering to this woman and her child.

[thenest]

I totally agree! It's difficult for me to terminate, because two of the families I sit for are her neighbours and friends. I know its ridiculous, but I accommodated her at first because she was a nervous first time mom. After all of these conversations with mom I feel really defeated as a provider and wanted to throw in the towel. She sent me text messages for over an hour and told me I should have informed her daily of every minor incident as well and she was disappointed in me that I didn't.

[mickyc]

Don't worry about who her neighbors and friends are. Put your foot down and be your own boss.

[thenest]

I definitely discipline with time out, redirection and explaining to the baby. She is very verbal for her age and does understand. Half the time she laughs or does it out of spite. I think its that time...

[Lou]

I'm afraid that would be it for me too. I would be issuing a 2 weeks notice based the aggression, and Mom's need to blame anyone but her child. It is no longer working out.

[CrazyEight]

Holy crap, this mom is WAAAY over the line! She is treating you like her private nanny. She's just making stupid excuses for the baby's behaviour and blaming it on you. Toys or snacks every time she's in the stroller? PJs for naps? Specific teethers at specific times? She's not teaching her child proper manners or interaction with other kids. I don't mean "please and thank you" but at 17 months she's plenty old enough to know not to bite and pull hair. If mom is making excuses for this now instead of teaching her child social rules, and expecting you to do the same thing, this kid is going to get worse and worse.

I agree with the above - your daycare, your rules. She's treating you like her own personal nanny service. She's grown accustomed to "extra" perks - changing schedules, breakfast, and all the crazy requests. For my own sanity, I wouldn't do ANY of those things. If she wants a nanny, she can go pay for one and boss them around to her heart's content (until they quit on her, of course)

I'd terminate immediately. Say you can no longer accommodate her needs re: hours, changing schedules, and a major difference in discipline styles. Get her out now before the baby starts getting worse - because she will - and before mom tries to take even more liberties with what she is asking you to do.