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  1. #1
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    What would you do?

    I have wrote several posts about my 3 year old day care boy. He has VERY poor skills with a fork and can not use anything that isn't a sippy cup. Can not put on or take off his pants, underwear or jacket ( have finally gotten him to do his boots but he still cries about it). His speech is all mumbles so you can only understand a couple words he says. Does not know his last name, colors, shapes, numbers anything and I have had a lot of trouble trying to teach him. His parents give him whatever he wants which has caused serious behavior issues. I'm talking a 10 minute tantrum because he tries to take another child's toy and I say no. He is constantly coming wih cookies in the morning. I have told them no food but thwy say they can't gt him here if they don't give it to him. It has drained me so much and I am no longer enjoying my job. I want to terminate him but here is my problem.

    His parents came to me wanting me to take both there children however I said no because the other child isn't 1 until January. They said they would pay a half fee until she is one and I will take her. So the mom is at home with the little girl and I take her son everyday 730 to 430. Which I find terribly sad..... never early never late he is always here. Anyway so basically the parents have been paying 750 for the boy plus 375 for he little girl. The boy didn't start until September but they have paid 4 payments for the little girl.

    I feel like it's not fair to terminate them without giving the money for the little girl back but I also feel terrible because it would be putting them in a bad situation of trying to find care. On the other hand I feel like my mental health hangs in the balance. The parents are doing NOTHING to help with his behavior and seem to turn a blind eye to how behind he is.

    What would you guys do in this situation? Should I suck it up and see if I can handle it for another couple months?

  2. #2
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    My thoughts are the girl could likely be the same as the boy as it is likely caused by their parenting. Apologize, terminate and refund the money for the girls spot.

    I just had 2 emotionally draining kids leave after 2 years. I went from hating my job to once again enjoying it!

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  4. #3
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    Either do as mickyc suggested or give them a notice of probation. Give them until Christmas to show you they are willing to shape up and make change or you won't be able to continue care.

    Since the space is available for the daughter and they are paying for it now but you refused care until the child is 12months of age I do feel you need to return that money. If the space was open and they didn't want to use it until January then i would say keep the money but they wanted to send her and were not allowed to.

    If you keep them I would not expect change in the older child without effort on the parents part (and yours) and I would be prepared for the new child to be equally as challenging (but she could surprise you).

    It is important to remember that you need to put YOUR needs first not theirs. Yes, they will be put in a hardship here if you cancel care. But, odds are any other daycare they signed up for would be in the same position. It is their parenting style that is causing issues and they need to make changes or handle the consequences of there ways.

    I would give notice ASAP if you plan to term, so they have more time to find a space for 2 children before january. At least mom is already off work right now so they won't be scrambling for care until January when they expected to be back at work.

  5. #4
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    I just found put tonight that there 11 month old is unable to hold a bottle on her own, eat anything that isnt completely mush ( no chunks or else she gags and pukes) sit up for more than a couple minutes with out falling or crawl at all. This can not be normal!? Next month I. Take her for half days it will.be like having a 9 month old....

  6. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dawn2Dusk View Post
    I just found put tonight that there 11 month old is unable to hold a bottle on her own, eat anything that isnt completely mush ( no chunks or else she gags and pukes) sit up for more than a couple minutes with out falling or crawl at all. This can not be normal!? Next month I. Take her for half days it will.be like having a 9 month old....
    I don't think you can judge 'normal' until you have had the child for awhile. Many kids enter daycare unable to hold a bottle as they haven't had the chance to try. I have known many kids that age and older that can't handle chunks in their food...because they were given the pureed mush for too long...they need to be trained to handle it. It is NOT a sign of anything being wrong...just a sign that the parents haven't given them the chance.

    Until you have the child and give them time to adapt to the new expectations you can't judge that anything is amiss. If after weeks of being trained to hold the bottle and eat the chunks they still have trouble then you can raise the red flags.

    I had a 12 month old start that couldn't stand for more than a second. They had never had the chance at home, being held 24/7. Within days the child was like wait a minute and was trying to copy her friends. Within a few weeks the child was walking. She was given the opportunity and gained the desire to do it on her own. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the child she just hadn't been given the opportunity nor had the desire to stand and walk based on her life experiences.

    Ideal? No. But these are not red flags yet.

    That said you have had concerns with this family already. You need to commit to seeing your contract through or you need to give notice now. Giving notice now is okay. But waiting until January to terminate will put them in a really tough spot and isn't really fair if you are not in the mindset to be trying to help them settle into care and committing to making it work. If you don't want these children in your care give them notice now.

  7. #6
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    I not think there right or wrong decision. You have decided what right for you. If you opt to give notice to family, you must return money paid for daughter. It being paid to hold place and if you not abiding by that agreement, then money should not keeping.

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  9. #7
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    I agree with lee-bee. A child who has not been given the chance to excel will not. She doesn't hold her bottle because she has never been given the chance, she won't eat chunks because she spit it out once or twice so mom quit feeding it to her, she won't walk/crawl because she is held. This is a parenting issue not the child's issue. I have had kids that are delayed too because of mom taking the easy road. Given some time here, encouragement and independence it quickly changes.

  10. #8
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    sometimes there is advance 3 year olds and then there are young 3 year old and I always find the daycare kids are advance but the ones who stayed at home with Mom or grandma are the ones who are not advance in any way as they have being helped too much , it may be that this child just needs to attend daycare and he will also advance soon.
    it is your decision but if you decide to terminate just refund the money for the baby and good luck filling the 2 spots

  11. #9
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    I feel sorry for that 3 year old boy. It's hard as the provider because we are not the parents and if the parents aren't doing their job at home it makes our job so much harder. But just from experience, I'm guessing that little boy has early signs of a communication disorder - a mild form of autism perhaps or Asperger's. I know it sounds judgmental, but I recognize some of the problems you're talking about. He might need to be assessed. You should tell the parents about the struggles you're having with him, as some of the things you mentioned should not be issues at the age of 3.

    Of course, it's exhausting and you are not the parent. All you can do is advocate for that little boy. He should definitely be able to master the fork and pull up his pants by 3.

    I'm sorry I just got caught up in that issue and not the other one you were talking about. He will have a very hard time in school and needs to be assessed asap to make sure there is not something more going on there.

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