I hope this works for DCK's sake!

My little f/t kid has mastered the art of playing mom vs me re: house rules (The no shoes on the floor rule that she keep breaking) I was angry, and still am, at the mother for not enforcing my house rules and backing me up....but as my mother said "what do you expect, she doesn't know how to feed or dress her kid what makes you think she knows how to parent?!" :glare: So I'm not going to depend on the mother teaching her own kid.

When dck came in this morning I asked "do you know what you did last night that was naughty?"
they nodded
"what did you do?"
"walk kitchen with shoes"
"thats right....is that allowed?"
"no"
"remember what I said if you did that again?" (second day in a row)
BIG EYES
"yup, I told you that you would sit next to me ALL day and would not be allowed to play. Just sit, eat, sleep then home!"
"I sorry"
"I'm sorry as well.....but it's too late. Next time you follow the rules".


@ 4:00 dck calls for me and says "I sorry, no shoes on floor"

We'll see if this works, if not then I'll have dck dressed sitting on the stairs 5min before mom's arrival, when the door knocks, I'll just pass dck over. No chance for error...........I hope!! uggghhhhhh

Yup, sounds like you have to take charge, as long as dck is in your vicinity. She will learn....
I have it stated in my handbook that when they are picking up/dropping off, THEY are responsible for the child's behaviour and THEY are expected to enforce my house rules. That being said, the day that a dck kicked my front door because he didn't like something his dad said; I took over!!
They will treat their parents in whichever way they are allowed to when not around me. But don't even think about doing that kind of crap in my home.

WOW ... I admit I would have been livid at the MOTHER if she allowed her child to break a house rule in my home - I would have addressed it right than and there WITH THE MOTHER rather than the child - the child was just doing what she was told by her parent :(

IME children generally WANT to please their caregivers and behave for us ... when they do not it is because they lack the skills to behave OR they lack the understanding of what is expected of them either because the expectation is not developmentally appropriate or because of the inconsistency of the expectations between various caregivers ... children are naturally impulsive and will forget the 'oh here I cannot do that' on occasion not to misbehave but just because they made a mistake in environment.

When a child is learning to 'write' we do not punish them if they are not up to par - we work with them, encourage them, role model and explain what they need to do etc .... IME managing inappropriate behaviour with children specially as a result of 'in congruent expectations of adults' should really be no different - it is not the child's fault the parent sends them mixed messages and we want to help them develop the skills needed without damaging the relationship with the 'parent' so to speak :(

Don't get me wrong - I would definitely have 'reinforced' the rules at my house with the child the next day as well but would have come at it with the 'I know the rules are different at home and that is OK but we need to remember that at MY house I have many children and young babies and it is important to keep my floors clean to keep them SAFE ... if mommy forgets next time you can be my big helper and help remind mommy that at Mama Mia's house we need to take our shoes off to keep the babies safe' .... that way the child does not feel the parent is allowing them to do something 'wrong' the parent just did not know the rules at your house, it gives them the POWER to do the right thing next time without offending the mother and does not damage their trust in their parent but rather teaches them that the 'rules' are different between home and other places and that is 'ok' I just need to work harder to 'remember' that and to help teach my family the rules at daycare ;)

I find that one of the biggest challenge in this business is not the CHILDREN but rather having to work with clients who do not SHARE our values or beliefs around child rearing and therefore make our job that much harder because the children than 'struggle' to balance between home and care .... I had to navigate that for years in centre care now that I work from home if you do not share my core values than 'next' during the interview stage and if you are not working WITH me once you are in care than NEXT as well .... life is just way too short to have to deal with the stress of 'parenting' not only the children but the parents as well :(

I find that one of the biggest challenge in this business is not the CHILDREN but rather having to work with clients who do not SHARE our values or beliefs around child rearing and therefore make our job that much harder because the children than 'struggle' to balance between home and care .... I had to navigate that for years in centre care now that I work from home if you do not share my core values than 'next' during the interview stage and if you are not working WITH me once you are in care than NEXT as well .... life is just way too short to have to deal with the stress of 'parenting' not only the children but the parents as well

So very true.... and yes, I would be approaching these scenarios as teaching the parents as much as teaching the child. I do find it interesting, though, that a child will behave in a very different manner at pick-up/drop-off than they do the rest of the day. That's when you know (provided that they are not brand new and still LEARNING your expectations) that they are TESTING the adults around. Pushing some boundaries, so to speak.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mom-in-alberta

.... I do find it interesting, though, that a child will behave in a very different manner at pick-up/drop-off than they do the rest of the day. That's when you know (provided that they are not brand new and still LEARNING your expectations) that they are TESTING the adults around. Pushing some boundaries, so to speak.

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Oh for sure - I call this the 'supply teacher syndrome' how when the teacher is away the kids have fun testing the new teacher to see if they have the same 'expectations' .... my crew quickly learn the rules are the same and so are the consequences no matter WHO is present I have no issue redirecting behaviour in front of my clients ;)