How do you end a phone call/interview that is not going well

Posting for a member:

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I had a mom call my dayhome today searching for care for her 12 m/o f/t. I was so excited as I reallly want f/t kids. But the next few words out of her mouth blew me away.

"I want to be able to ease my son into care and as such I want to be able to be with him all day for the first month."

What?? All day???

My response:

"That is not something we do here, however I do understand the need for transition so I recomend 2-4 hours daily for the first two weeks if you feel the need for this."

Her answer:

"Why do you have something to hide?"

I was floored, she then continued to say that she ran a day home herself and this was something she did, and was surprised at my lack of transparency. What??

She asked if she could come for an interview during daycare hours so she could see me in action. To which I said an emphatic no. I said unexpected visits throw of routine, and that I must respect the priv. of children and parents in my care that I do not allow this to happen.

She then told me to ask my families if this mattered to them. She then said that she would wait for the handbook that my website promises (this was a web inquiry), and my answer regarding the interview....

What do you do when someone tries to pull thier weight around with you?

Would you let her come to interview you?

How do you end a call that is not going well?

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She called me this AM, and asked why I hadn't sent her the handbook--I reminded her that she emailed merather late last night, and we were winding down for the day.

She then asked if I had asked my parents if it was okay for her to come by "to see me in action" I said yes, because I had asked just for future refrence if someone made this request in the future...

She was/is very insistant on coming as she says she needs to urgently place her 12 m/o. I said the best time to come was today (sat) at 1:30 as dcg would be down for her nap, and that I would be able to better answer her questions if my attention wasn't diverted.

My son is also here, she asked about him and his nap. To which I replied "He doesn't nap anymore he goes to bed earlier, and that works better for him." Her: "Well he needs to nap he's only 3....."

Excuse me?

So she is coming, much to my shigrin. She got my location out of me before she made that nap comment...What was wrong with me? Well at least my husband is here..he looks big burly and mean lol..He can boot her out the door.

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update to the above thread

Wow... Please be very careful when proceeding with this person. You sound already like you're afraid of her. She's going to end up being in charge of your daycare, not you. As much as you want a full time child, do you really want a parent in your life who's going to stress you out and make you unhappy? See how you feel in person when she comes. Just keep in mind that you want to be in control, not anyone else. Good luck. Here's what you should say if she comes and you're getting bad vibes: "I'm sorry, but I don't think this is a good fit for your child or my family. I won't be able to take your child. I wish you all the best in your search for care. Thank you for coming."

Personally, while I GET that clients are trusting us with their most treasured child and need to take precautions to ensure they choose the right program, her TONE and ACCUSATIONS via email scream trust issues and personally I would just politely say 'thank you for your interest in my program however my handbook and polices are only available to those whom I am seriously considering accepting into my program. Unfortunately I have a strong feeling based on your needs and tone of your concerns about placing your child into the care of someone else that we will are not a match on many levels and wish you luck in your search for childcare search" and than just RUN as far as you can in the other direction from this person - seriously you do not want someone in your program who is that much an ALPHA DOG people like that need a NANNY whom they can control and dictate to in their own home - you are self employed offering a service they get NO SAY in your business other than to accept the terms of it or to keep looking for a better MATCH!

Seriously RED FLAG is the fact that she appears to have LIED to you - why is someone who runs a home childcare HERSELF looking for childcare for her infant child - the whole reason we DO THIS is so we can be home with our own children?


Seriously I too support 'transparency' in my program and new clients are able to come and do play dates and ease their child in - however I set the TIME AND CONDITIONS of those ;) Cause on the same flip of the coin I am WORKING and not here to entertain another adult, other adults in the program can be stressful to some children and that needs to be limited as a result and so forth some kids do better at certain times of the day with 'change' and so forth and well I KNOW MY CREW and when they can cope or not cope with 'visits' ... seriously would she want someone coming into her work and SHADOWING HER ALL DAY LONG ... think not?

I will only conduct interviews after work and usually when you tell people that you are just too busy with 4 or 5 children in care and you give them 100% of your attention at all times so it isn't possible to concentrate on the interview, they should understand that fact. You have every right to insist on after work hours with this woman.

I do like to have the family come for a morning playdate before signing the contract so I can observe the mother and child and so that they have a chance to see the daycare in action and the good behaviour of the children already here. That is to ease their mind that everything I've told them is true and they can see it with their own eyes.

I let the Mom stay the first morning if she wants or an hour or two for a few days if the little one is having trouble getting comfortable and easing in, but that's only been necessary with one child in the past 4 years.

I think you should put your foot down with this parent as soon as she gets in your door and let her know that you make all of the rules and they are in your contract. She should completely understand that you have nothing to hide but you are a very busy woman and running your daycare is a very busy job. You cannot let any parent push you around and change the rules for their convenience. You don't need this in your life. Move on to the next interview and forget it if she is as scary in person as she seemed to be on the phone. Don't worry about it, just be confident and in charge.

Clarification to to the posting:

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She stated that she used to run a dayhome and now works at the university, and therefore is looking for care

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How did the interview go? :)

I don't appreciate her tone either! I had a somewhat similar situation not long ago, when a Mom was emailing me regarding full time care for her 3 yrs old. When I answered one of her questions not the way she liked it she suddenly turned SOUR...then went back to being sweet as pie. I really could have used the full time income but there was no way I was setting myself up to have a business relationship with Jeckel and Hyde! Let us know how your interview goes!

demanding and controlling you.....great start!

I'd say - NO WAY!

That read red flags all over the place.....trust your first gut instinct!

Ya, there are some serious red flags there. There is only room for 1 alpha dog in your daycare and that is you. She can't be the alpha in someone elses daycare, she'll need a nanny by the sounds of it. Don't let her push you around, you have to set status right off the bat.