I am not sure what to think. Sorry for the long post, but please help.

I am a mom to a 3 y/o boy and an ECE, so I have some exp. behind both formal and informal, and I don't really know what to do so I am posting here for help.

My son just started at a new dayhome (as I do not think it is a good idea for me to have him at the daycare at which I work so that favoritism, and stuff can be avoided)

Today is his fifth day, and he seems sorta happy to go, but I can't say. I ask him and he doesn't say much, and he is usually a very good communicator and can tell me in his own way when something is wrong.

His provider keeps saying that he doesn't want to follow her instructions, and is hard to handle that his behaviors were and are unacceptable, but when I ask for specifics..she just roles her eyes saying he is hard to handle....So I really don't know how to help her. She just doesn't seem to have patience. It looks like she says something once and if he doesn't do it he's a "unacceptable kid." (her words)

Yesterday I arrived to pick him up and his pants were soaked..like he had an accident, I asked why he wasn't changed as he has wipes, pull ups, and clothing there..Her answer..."He didn't want me to change him, and I didn't want to deal with that." Pardon? He goes to the potty most times, but sometimes it takes him a bit in a new place, and it helps him if they have a potty routine. I don't think she does...And she hasn't asked me how to help her with this.

His 3rd day he was her only daycare child, and yet she said he was "hard to deal with." I have called his other daycares/dayhomes for honest feedback (he has been in 2 others. They say, he can be challenging and wants to do everything for himself, but he eventually comes, and listens when you remind him of consequences, and give him praise for what he does right. He is the same for me.)

WWYD? Should I pull him? She doesn't really highlight any of his good behaviors, only his "bad" ones and its really starting to feel as if she is attacking my parenting...So it's hard to look at this fairly.

As a Mom...go with your gut!!! Yes all kids even the older ones have a transition period but as a daycare provider I would NEVER roll my eyes at a parent when describing their child, that's just rude! As a daycare provider if I feel a child has been inappropriate and unacceptable to the point that I need to tell the parent I ALWAYS give them examples of what happened (ex. Child X smashed his plate on the floor in anger today etc.) You can't help if you don't know what he is doing.

As for the wet clothes...its her JOB to make sure he is safe, secure and clean/dry!!! Even if it means having a 'battle' so to say with the child I would have changed his clothes. Sure he can be independent and what to do everything himself, but there will be times when the provider needs to step in and do her job. For me, as a provider praise and rewards work way better than consequences (ex Child X if you come change your wet clothes we'll be able to do xyz activity or play outside etc.)

As a Mom..my 3 year old daughter was abused in a wee watch home daycare and I went with my gut. She was such an outgoing little girl until she went to this one particular daycare. She totally introverted in just 2 weeks and the provider used to always tell me similar things like she refused to eat or she refused to do such and such. She was 3 at the time too. If it was me, I would pull my child for sure...doesn't sound like this provider respects you or your child very much. Just my opinion....

Oh and the last dayhomes closed so that's why he's been at two others.

Michellesmunchkins, she says we have until the end of the month and the SHE will have to terminate him. She is making him sound like Chuckie, when it may just be him testing her because he is new to the home...

Because I have never been a director, or a dayhome owner I may be neglecting to ask the right questions, so what can I ask to make sure that they don't find his type of challenges hard to handle?

I would pull him. You know this isn't right. As Michelle said, I would NEVER tell a parent that their child was a problem unless I could tell them specific incidents. I would also never ever leave a child sitting in his own urine. That's just negligent.

@ Alphaghetti So what do my husband and I say if providers ask why we are seeking new care?

Please take your little one out of that centre!!!! If the provider can not even be bothered to tell you what her concerns are she certainly can not be bothered making any effort to work through them. You don't owe a new provider a reason for looking for new care. It would probably be helpful to both your family and a new provider to be aware that there are some behaviour issues so you can all work together!!!! Maybe try looking for someone with a Montessori background so that his independence is encouraged within a structured setting.

Oh hell yes, I would get him out of there fast! Please don't be discouraged about home daycares but do find someone better. Next time you go out to interview somebody watch carefully how they interact with your son, ask a million questions and get difinitive answers, not wishy-washy crap like this woman dished out to you. When I have a problem with a child I am always specific with the parent or else how can we solve the problem? But it sounds like she isn't doing anything to care for him at all if his pants were all wet and he seems afraid to tell you things. Poor little guy.

Ladies,

I just started my job at this daycare center, and I know that I need to find a new place for him, but I am facing a real time crunch here, and cannot afford to take a leave while I find care that works --I know my child comes first and I really want to do what's right but am very stuck, because I do not want to lose my job.

I always interview families at night. Get out to some interviews in the evening with your family ASAP and move your son as soon as you find somebody great, hopefully on Monday!

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Originally Posted by Momof4

I always interview families at night. Get out to some interviews in the evening with your family ASAP and move your son as soon as you find somebody great, hopefully on Monday!

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Agreed - most of us in 'home daycare' do our interviews in the evening so that strangers are not in the program unless we are SURE they are the match for the program.

I agree I would not be wanting to STAY there ... the rolling of the eyes, the unwillingness to be DIRECT about the behaviour challenges she is finding and the leaving him in wet clothing intentionally are all unprofessional and grounds for termination - your child deserves to thrive!

Is the centre you are employed at a 'one room centre' cause I have worked will lots of peers who were able to have their child in the same centre with them - they just made sure to work in another room and at the times of the day where you 'had' to be in the same room for whatever reason the team agreed that someone ELSE would do any behaviour redirecting of the child and the child was sent the clear message that 'mommy is working right now and her hands have to help ALL the children' type thing to help with any dominating of attention?

Personally as an ECE myself - one of the perks of this job is being able to be CLOSE to our own kids during their early years every centre I have every worked at actually promotes employees to have their children in the program, offers discounts and so forth and if it is 'not working' for the parent or child than they address that at the time - but they always try first cause if it works what a BONUS for you and your child and if it does not work than either the child gets moved to another classroom OR the parent gets temporarily moved to another age group so as to not be working with their own child ... I personally could not place my child at another daycare than where I was working in order to care for others kids :(

Have you talked to your new boss to see if TRYING is an option??