This kid is going to be the death of me...

Okay, forewarning, this is probably going to be pretty long

So, if it's not one thing with this kid, it's another. Dad's finally been dropping his son off on time, today he was even ten minutes early. His dad really seems to trying hard - apologizing if he's 5 minutes late, and supplying him with things that I need when I need them. Today, we even spoke over text about the issue I am going to explain here, and he was a lot more accepting than his mom is. I feel like his mom takes offense, and she shrugs off any problems I may be having. And to top it off, he called me mama in front of her yesterday and she got pretty upset. I'm trying to teach him to call me nanny but he only knows mama, dada, baba and some other jibberish that doesn't include nanny lol

Anyways, so a few weeks ago, I noticed that he was a lot more goofy and silly when his mom was around and a lot more reserved here - never trying to cuddle with me, or play with me or anything. So I spent some extra time trying to bond with him and it really made a big difference, I noticed it right away. But now, not only is he acting happier, but his cranky side and his "I WANT NOW" side is coming out more too.

But I think there is something wrong with him. He's just acting so strange. I will explain in detail and maybe you can tell me what you think is going on.

First of all, he's 13 months old, he's 75 cm and 19 pounds and his parents seem to be indulgent. They give him what he wants when he wants it, he doesn't have a schedule at home and he still sleeps on mom or dads chest at home. I try not judge, but it's hard :blink:

Let's see if I can start from the beginning:
It started with eating. First, he decided he would no longer eat cheese. Then he decided he would no longer eat fruit. he's on cow's milk, so I know that if he doesn't eat his fruits and veggies and enough protein, he won't be getting it from his milk (my son is still on formula so if for some reason he doesn't get enough one day, it's okay). His parents seem to fill up his sippie cup with milk and he just carries it around all day. So, I stopped doing that. One because he was spilling in on the floor and I wouldnt' know and it would be sticky and two because I thought that that was why he wasn't eating. Now, he doesn't get his milk until he's 3/4 done his lunch and he doesn't get it after nap (lunch is 30 minutes after nap). So, worried he wasn't getting enough vitamins I started giving him his pureed food (at 13 months) and he was eating it. I told mom and she said, "maybe he doesn't like it. he does eat a lot of apple sauce though." she said he really likes strawberries so the next day I tried cutting them up really small - didn't eat them. But when I gave him his puree he ate it. I have two other babies, I don't have time to sit there and feed him. My son is 10 months and the only time I feed him is if it's yogurt or apple sauce.

So, it's been about a week since that started. I've told mom almost every day and she would just shrug it off, and I got to a point where I was reminding myself that he wasn't my kid, and what he ate or didn't eat wasn't my problem, but I'm not wired like that. I care and I feel this issue need to be resolved.

Now, the last part of last week, and this week, he seems to be more tired than usual. Whiney, sensitive, cries at the drop of a hat and really tired. Two days in a row, he was tired - like meltdown tired by 1:30 - nap is at 2:30 - even though he had a nap in the morning. This is what got me wondering if he was sleeping in the morning. But there is no way a child his age can sit in his playpen, quiet as a mouse for two hours - he has to be sleeping. Both days, I put him in the recliner and he watched tv for half an hour. It's not like him. He's usually go go go.

The last thing is how sensitive he is - and he's creating a habit, but I'm not sure how to break it without being mean. My son is very touchy-feely, he likes to kiss people, and tug at people's clothes and touch hair and eyes and so on. The little boy has always been okay with that. But now, all of a sudden, if my son touches him, his flips out. My son took a toy away from him, which he usually responds to really well because he's a good sharer, especially for his age. But now, he starts crying, runs over to me and tugs at me until I pick him up. I pick him up, put him on my lap and he stops crying. But he's clutching me. And then my son will come over and tug at me, because it's just the three of us and if he touches the little boy, the little boy kicks him or moves and starts crying. He's constantly coming over and tugging at me even when he is in a good mood, calls me mama and is generally a lot more clingy. And that's okay, but I don't know how to draw the line between being overly clingy and expecting me to solve all his problems and being sensitive to his needs. I think he's trying to replace his mom with me, but I want to teach him to stand on his own, be independent, solve his own problems.

Any suggestions?!?!

Also, a side note: what do you do when a child runs out of stuff and you're having to supply? My little boy ran out of wipes last week - I've asked twice, even sent home a letter with it in bold red and asterix. What would you do? I've thought of charging them, it's in the contract that I would, but I am really terrified of losing him. I'm having such a hard time finding people right now, I can't lose him. But I've already used three of our packs and they're not cheap!

Aside from the parents 'philosophy' being vastly different than what your use it - it sounds like he might be teething - if the teething discomfort is affecting sleep patterns it could create a clingy whiny child and changes in appetite and diet as well? I have one who just turned 12 months going through that at the moment - he was an AWESOME eater and was starting to do great on more 'solid' foods supplemented with puree only when I felt more food ended up in the bib or floor than in his belly and even then he was slapping the puree away cause he wanted to do it ...but this past week he will only eat the puree again and the solid foods are getting tossed on the floor ... however you can see his teeth trying to come through the gums are swollen and red?

As far as the supplies - if a client arrives to care without the needed supplies after they have been asked or reminded than they get turned away at door to go and get what is needed - with their CHILD IN TOW ... aka I do not accept them into care ... only need to do that to a cleint once before they get their act together ... I am not a charity and I do not supply things for my clients ... your kid your responsibility to provide for them!

I see several things in your post that I would like to mention but I don't want to upset you, just trying to help, ok?

A 13 month old should be on solid food and able to feed themselves. Cut the food really small and every month a little bigger. Even children this age with NO teeth can eat solid food. But they do need practice.

I don't pick up children when they cry for no reason, although I will bend down and pat their back and head and talk to them about not crying unless they are hurt. I soothe them but tell them I will pick them up and hug them AFTER they STOP crying.

If a child takes a toy that is in the hands of another child I always make them give the toy back.

If parents don't work WITH me I will not continue. I believe the child will learn and thrive and be happier and healthier if things are consistent at home and at daycare. When an issue arises I always ask the parents 'This is what I'm seeing at daycare, how do you handle it at home?" I make it clear to the parents that I want to follow their lead but we MUST be doing the same thing or it won't work.

I don't let the children walk around with their sippie cups either. Food and drink are at the table. In the hot weather I take their juice or water every where we go so they can have some on demand but inside they have to be in the dining room.

I always ask for a supply of wipes to be replenished when they are only about half gone so that I get them before I run out. It's ridiculous that they aren't sending you a new package! I pay for the wipes that we use at the table and outside (tax deduction), but there's no way I'm paying for all the wipes necessary for diaper changes. That is a part of diaper supplies that the parents must bring.

If my little ones aren't in bed by 12:30 we have a meltdown situation, but our routine is no morning naps and afternoon naps run from 12:30-2:30ish.

Can you ask your own child to keep hands off for a while until this daycare child adjusts to whatever he is going through? As Reggio said, it may be a teething phase. That can throw children off in all kinds of ways because they can't figure out why they feel so rotten.

Don't cave on any of your rules or routines. For me, routine is key and the children's bodies know how our day transitions and are ready for it breakfast, outside or inside playing/learning, lunch, circle time, nap, snack, playtime. Again, it's my opinion that children NEED routines.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Momof4

I see several things in your post that I would like to mention but I don't want to upset you, just trying to help,

---

Oh my god, none of that made me upset. I totally agree with everything you said. I should have mentioned that I don't allow the boys to take toys away from each other. Usually, the little boy would either take it back immediately or walk away, but I would intervene and say, please share the toys. But before I can even get there, the little boy is crying. Like, my son touches him and he's crying. But then other points in the day, they hold hands and share toys. A lot of the time, I allow them to sort it out themselves. I watch the situation closely to make sure nothing is getting out of hand, but I think it's important that they learn to sort things out for themselves without always intervening.

As for what Reggio said, he IS teething. He's getting two molars, but they've been coming in for over a month now, they've popped through already. This seems excessive. Even his mom noticed today when she picked him up. He just seems genuinely unhappy. Like, he didn't even get excited when she picked him up.

Usually I don't pick them up when they're crying. Even my son - especially my son. But my son doesn't cry - he has this new fall where he basically does a summer sault, and he doesn't cry. So I think that's why I have such a hard time handling this constant crying. But the little boy comes over and he tugs like he's absolutely desperate. I let him go today, I said "that's enough. There's is no reason to be crying. Be a big boy okay?" and he just kept crying, walking around the room balling his eyes out. I ended up putting him in the lazy boy alone and he stopped crying and just watched tv for twenty minutes before nap. Mom picks him up and coddles him, and I think he's expecting the same thing from me. I thought we were past that but I guess now :(

Oh, and as for the food - he was eating chucks of food. LIke I would give him a half a piece of bread and he would bite pieces off. Now, he's just plain refusing to feed himself. It's so strange. Is this normal?

All kids teeth differently for sure - so it is normal for some kids depending on how high their pain tolerance is and how resilient a personality they have - even though the teeth have popped through the gum they are still pushing up and the molars are one of the most painful sets cause they are not pointing to have helped with that?

He could also just be fighting a summer virus as well taking its tole?

What would concern me most right now is not HIS behaviour, but his parents. I don't see anything "wrong" with him from what you have described, except overindulgent parenting. And this, you are already aware of. The 12 to 18m stage can be a tricky one, in that these kids are moving from a baby- baby to a toddler who is expected (and should be expected) to do so much for themselves. And if mom/dad aren't doing that, it makes our job so much more difficult.
A couple of pieces of my advice;
I would also stop actually picking him up for the "no reason" crying. Pat his back, reassure him verbally and so on. If it escalates, then give him whatever consequence you use for undesirable behaviour. Remind him that "We don't scream" or what have you. If he calms down by being in the recliner chair on his own for a few minutes, then that would be fine with me. He may be getting so overstimulated, that he just doesn't handle it well.
If he is getting so that he doesn't like people "in his space", I would respect that, within reason. He may have been okay with your son loving on him before, but he's not now. And not everyone will be, so now's the time when your little guy learns that not everyone likes that. I know I have had dc kids that would not be okay with another small one hugging and kissing on them. Some people (and kids are people too) have bigger "bubbles" of personal space than others.
I think you are doing the right things, but just need to take a deep breath and pull out some more good old fashioned patience. Over time, he will get better, if you keep enforcing what you expect from him.
I would come down on the parents about 2 issues. First, the wipes. I agree with Reggio. Ask them at home time today to bring wipes tomorrow. IN PERSON. If they show up tomorrow, send them home to go get them. Tell them you don't have any left. If they try to say, "Oh can't you just use yours?" just tell them no, that you have for 2 weeks now. Don't be angry, don't be sorry, just be calm. Second, I would remind them that for him to get good at eating solid food, he needs practice at home too. It is counter productive to have him on "baby" food at home and solid food at your house. Let them know that you have one set of hands, and although it's reasonable for you to HELP the kids eat, it's not reasonable for you to hand-feed them. Again, not angry or upset or sorry, just straightforward.