UPDATE: considering throwing in the towl

As I stated in my initial post, mom just told me she's pregnant. I was going to schedule a meeting (there are other things we need to talk about as well), but when she came to pick up the boy, I brought it up casually. This is exactly how the conversation went:
ME: Are you so excited??
MOM: So excited, it's making work bareably (she just went back to work in March)
ME: Yeah, I can see how that would make it easier
MOM: I can't wait to leave...blah blah blah
ME: When did you find out? (I was seriously hoping she would say something like, Oh I was breastfeading so I didn't realize I'd missed my period and I just found out 2 weeks ago)
MOM: Oh we've known. (SILENCE) But it's not till October, you'll have plenty of kids by then
ME: So, you're taking him out then?
MOM: I don't know. We may leave him part time cause he loves it here.
Then she changed the subject.

Yesterday was one of the worst days since I've started my daycare, for numerous reasons, and this pissed me of SO much! She was so blaze about it, like it wasn't a serious thing. She's been lying to me! She lied to me when they first started. We even have a half hour conversation about having more kids and when we'd like to start trying and she never even hinted at it. No, she isn't obligated to tell me, but I feel like she was really dishonest. I mean, we had a lengthy conversation, like a friend-to-friend conversation about it, and she didn't tell me.

Am i wrong to feel so cheated?

I'm replacing them asap. And it's going to suck for her because she only have 4months left and she's going to have to find daycare. Normally, I would feel bad, but this isn't the only trouble I've been having with them, as we all know. This week was the worst. I had to send them THREE notes home telling them I needed fruit (he still eats puree, and I told them I WOULD NOT supply that because he's too old to eating pureed food), wipes and milk. I reminded them 5 times about the wipes and three times about the milk. At night, she always gives him a cup of milk on his way home (they walk, and I think he wants to be held on the way home so he fusses- I don't know) so I told her I didn't have any left. She panicked. I felt a little bit of satisfaction.

I probably sound like such a horrible person, but obviously I've developped a resentment towards these people. I'm trying not to think about it when the little boy is here, but his parents are just so ignorant. Like, last night, she changed his poopy diaper ON MY COUCH, folded the diaper up and then LEFT IT ON MY COUCH. WTF!! In what world is that acceptable?

Ugh. I know you're all probably tired of hearing about these people, but I am just struggling so much. Yesterday, I was literally in tears because I want to let them go so badly because I feel SO taken advantage of, but I can't let them go. I have no replacement and I get my last ei cheque next week. I'm scraping by, so I can't let him go.

Thanks for listening to me rant.

Oh hon - that is one of the hardest parts of our role - we are so use to being 'caregivers' and putting others first and meeting everyone's needs that it REALLY stings when it is not reciprocal for us and sadly for many clients they view it as a business service like the Hairdresser or Plumber and it is not 'big deal' if they are pregnant while looking for service and so forth ... and well 'legally' they are not required to disclose it to anyone anyway.

However from our perspective we are considering not only the impact on our income but the GROUP when choosing new client so a 'short term' client might not be the optimal choice and had we known we might not have chosen them ... transitioning in a child for 'short term' care is challenging specially depending on the AGE of the child the impact on the other kids of getting use to little Johnny and boom now he is gone and along comes someone 'new' again ... I know when I am seeking an INFANT client I am seeking a LONG TERM one cause it takes a lot of work and so yes i would feel betrayed and cheated if they signed on an infant and knew it was not going to be long term .... but the reality is that the only 'guarantee' we have with any client is the two weeks notice period we require :(

So disappointed or not if they paid on time, respected my contract and policy and so forth I would not turf them solely for being pregnant and not having 'shared' that because they were under no obligation to tell me and I would be concerned that if I DID terminate with the pregnancy as the only reason they would have a Human Rights case against me ... however if there were OTHER issues that warranted termination than I would definitely focus on that and leave the pregnancy out of the equation .... not providing you with the proper resources to supply care to their child would be a big one for me - if an infant showed up to care without diapers, wipes, bottles or food as required they would not ENTER into the program they would be sent away at the door to go bring what is NEEDED to provide care for the child.

How rude she is! I wouldn't allow anybody to change diaper on my couch. I would polity tell her "are you going to change his diaper? If so please do it on the changing mat as we sit there!" What the hell!

Replace her asap. It is her problem whether she will struggle or not. She was dishonest and disrespect to you and your home. I hope you will find someone soon!

Good luck.

I agree with Reggio, but this family knew from the start that she is pregnant and they delibaretly hid it from her. That is what annoys me otherwise, yes they only give us 2 -4 weeks notice but I believe this is different. And she was dishonest!

OMG she changed her kid on your couch ???? If she us not supplying what is needed fir her child then don't give him yours .... Meaning if he doesn't have purée fruit then he doesn't get fruit. If she doesn't bring the milk he doesn't get any. Not sure what to do about the wipes cause you really can't not wipe his behind but you could turn get away at the door with the child and tell her to go get wipes cause you will need to wipe him today and you dont supply them. Yes yes yes replace them as soon as you can and it has nothing to do with the Pregnancy .... She's just an ignoramus .....

The truth is, life is constantly changing and the reality is that families come and go in our business for different reasons.
She probably knew that if she mentioned the pregnancy then nobody would take her little one. You can look at it as dishonest ( yes she was ) but there was probably some desperation to ensure that her little one went to a provider that she knew would care properly for her little one and not having to put her little one in a daycare because she had no other choices. In the end people will always look out for themselves and you have to do the same.
If your feeling at your wits end then you know termination is the best thing to do. Keep in mind that she does have only 4 months and maybe no other options so if you do decide to keep her little one. You have to set ground rules and would email her and or write her a letter to state how things are going to be moving forward.
1. supplies are required for the week on Monday and or your little one will not be able to stay. Wipes, fruit etc what ever you have told them and agreed is to be brought.
2. ....other issues you may be having.

The friendly conversation is so you wouldn't get mad. I'm sure she was worried about telling you and came up with her straty of what and how to tell you so you wouldn't get mad...
I don't like to think the worst of people and always try to give them the benefit of the doubt but when your feeling cheated and walked on for being nice, time to call the shots if you again, decide to keep her. It will keep your pocket book happy until you find your replacement ( and you'll be interviewing until you find someone and then give her the notice for the other family to start) and she won't have to scramble if she doesn't have a back up.

I know your upset but if your struggling then you might want to keep her on for a few weeks until the replacement. Just you call how things are moving forward and be firm.

Thanks ladies. I do feel a lot better, just hearing your advice. I got an email last night for a possible interview, have yet to hear back but I'm hopeful! Once they start, I will be writing a letter to mom stating, these are reasons I want to terminate HOWEVER, seeing as how it was COMPLETELY unfair for your son to suffer by being taken out of a home he in comfortable in, transitioning him to a new home for only a few short months, I have decided to keep him PROVIDING you do this this and this. I am just tired of FIGHTING them, if it's not one thing, it's another. I mean, grow up! Take responsibility of your child and do what is asked of you. From now on, I'm cutting out the friendly chit chat - she usually comes in for about 20 minutes and watches the boys play before she makedsthe 15 minute walk home. But from now on, I'm meeting her at the door with his things ready. I'm not going to be rude about it, but I need them to know we're not friends, and this is a business. I also need to distance myself so I can be more firm.
Lucky for her, i didn't see her changing his diaper until last second, otherwise...well, I have no idea what I would have done. I probably would have just sat there with my mouth hanging out. My husband was MAD. lol it's a new couch. We don't hang out in the livingroom very often, so this couch is pretty much just barely used. What if her kid had peed?! My son does it ALL the time lol oohhhh why I otta.....

Thanks ladies. For now, I have my sanity. Keep your fingers crossed that I head back from the family that emailed me last night.

Choose your words carefully and be professional. Although this lady isn't extending any professional courtesy to you, be the bigger person. Which you are by looking out for her son- something a good provider does!!
I think your right to cut out the chit chat and keep things professional moving forward. The friendly chats some times blurr the line of business and friendship.
Sending you some positive vibes that this family will call back!!

Good luck!!!

On the other side have any of us as providers been pregnant but not showing and continued to interview but not told the incoming family till a couple months in even though our friends and family might have known.

I'm sorry, but, what was she doing changing a diaper in your house??? If I have a child that needs to be changed before he leaves (and I always have them ready, but there's that odd time they poop in the hall when mom comes) I initiate the conversation... "Just give me a minute, I'll change him for you" Parents don't come into my house past my foyer unless invited. This is my business, it's like being behind the counter in a clothing store to see a peice of jewlery, most people ask first.

Aside from that, I feel bad for her that she will have to find new care and I feel like you're so upset that you may be burning a bridge. It will look like you're terminating because she's pregnant. I'd hate for that "rumour" to follow you around with future clients.

In saying that... it's your business so at the end of the day you need to do what's comfortable for you.