Caring for family members children

Has anyone here cared for family members children? I mean your nieces nephews etc. Has it been a positive thing or has to caused possible strain with your family?

My brother in law has recently split up with him wife and he has temporarily moved into my basement bedroom. This is fine as he works all day and is not around when children are in care, it's a good arrangement. I discussed it with my parents and let them know, no one had a problem with it. He and his ex are having some trouble firming up custody arrangements of thier 10 month old son. This is where my dayhome becomes affected.

I was asked if I could watch my nephew part time for any weekdays that my BIL has him, of course I was fine with this. I let him know that as this is my business I couldn't do it for free and he agreed to pay normal part time fees (which is more than I was going to charge, but that's what he feels is fair). As I have a child leaving as of June 15th this was going to work out perfectly. However, since he and his ex haven't set anything up as far as custody goes my nephew has yet to start and there is no tentative start date set. I have tried to discuss this with him but I don't think he understands that I am not asking as a concerned SIL but as a business owner who needs to know.

The child I have leaving was on extended hours so myself and his mother worked out an arrangement so that she paid me $200 over and above my regular monthly full time fees. Having him leave is going to lower my income by close to $900 per month. I was fine taking a hit in income and watching my nephew for only part time fees (450 per month), but if I can't even gaurentee that I am going to need to start advertising and fill the spot. I simpily can not be without some income for this spot.

Any suggestions as to how to proceed with this? As it's family it can be rather touchy and I don't want to make waves for him, he's having a hard enough time as it is.

Also just in general in watching family, can different disipline methods etc prove to be an issue? Has anyone had a problem? I'm thinking it would work out ok for us but am curious about other peoples experiances.

Thank you. Sorry for the long post. It was a bit of a rant, since I've been frustrated and can't even talk to hubby since it's his little brother haha.

Ooh boy. That's a tough one. I would actually say enlist your husband's help here. Explain to him as gently as you can where you're coming from. After all, the lose of income is going to affect him too. Maybe he can speak with his brother and that way you're not the "mean sis-in-law". Explain that you're going to have to fill the spot if they can't commit. Good luck!

So much of this depends on your relationship with your brother in law, right now. If you have pretty decent communication amongst you, I would be upfront with him. Empathize with him that you understand things are chaotic for him right now, but that you need to know what is going on, or else you put yourself in some financial strain. And I wouldn't be too proud to talk about it in that way, because I would hope that someone would understand. I mean, if a substantial part of their income was being with held, for an indefinite period of time.... they'd be anxious too!
As for the ongoing care and discipline, etc. Again; what are things like now? Is it a pretty decent relationship? Do you feel like you could talk to him (or the mom) about possible issues? Do your standards for parenting, etc match up? Basically, if you interviewed him; would you accept him as a client? If you're feeling wary now, chances are things aren't going to get better. Personally, I would put a timeline on it. I can watch So-and-so for 3 months, then I will need to fill the space.

Yes, it's tricky dealing with family. Can you and your husband talk to him about keeping a business deal and the family situation totally spearate? You are wonderful to let him stay in your home, but when it comes to your dayhome it's all business. Make him sign your contract and follow all your policies and make sure he knows that you are strict about all of that with ALL your clients and when his child is in your care it is all business. Otherwise you may be in for big problems.

I started my daycare for my grandson and he was here for over 3 years. My daughter and I didn't have any problems at all. I charged her a lower fee than I charged everyone else but she followed all the other rules. I let her bring my grandson much earlier than my opening hours and stay much later but I love them so much it was never a problem. So I agree that it depends on your relationship and the amount of respect and consideration your BIL has for you.

Make sure you have a written contract for family as well. This will make it more "official" for them as well as for you. My personal policy is NEVER to watch family members or family friends children. I keep my personal and business life SEPARATE.

This is insurance for a happier and stress free life :laugh:

I agree - it will depend on your relationship and the personality of those involved ... works awesome for some and not so awesome for others!

I made the mistake of doing it for 'free' to help my brother and SIL out when he was looking for work cause my nephew was due to start JK but they could not find anyone willing to do the wonky schedule and the few they did it was going to cost them more for the alternating space plus before and after school care transport ... so I offered to home school him for kindergarten and it went BAD because they had plead 'cannot afford childcare' as my brother was not working which is why I offered to do it for FREE until he found a job but that they had to send my nephew cause I could not 'home school' him if he was not attending daily .... well nine months he was here for FREE cause my brother claimed not to be able to find work and than I found out they had turned around and renovated their kitchen with the money they 'saved' not paying for childcare for the year .... which of course pissed me off because I felt used and under valued for my service and well it went bad from there because she got laid off too so niether of them were working I told them I could no longer do it for 'free' cause they could swap off each other looking for work and so they pulled my nephew so I filled his spot and than she called back 6 weeks later wanting a 'paid spot' cause my brother was working and she had some union training to go to and I was full and my SIL got all pissy cause either she could not do her training or my brother would have to take time off work - and well they opted to have my brother take the time off and he got fired which was apparently MY FAULT and well long story short we no longer speak ... so in hindsight I ended up getting screwed out of over $ 5800 in fees and now do not get to see my nephew at all - all because I wanted to 'help' :(

So yes lesson learned - business is BUSINESS so regardless of whom is doing it you should treat it like any other client ... if you choose to do it they sign a contract and pay for their space like anyone else and they follow the rules and have same consequences if they do not and you let them know that starting out!

Good luck in your choice!

My first 'client' was my cousin; this gave me a base for word of mouth and referrals and she spread the word on to other teachers she knew...and so on and so on....Thanks to her, I have been able to network wonderfully and have remained full. That being said...even though I had a signed contract etc. from her, there were payment issues in the beginning. I felt like I was constantly a bill collector. But, once I laid the law down (post dated cheques) all is well.

I should also add that I am her only source of Childcare in the area...so, on the evenings that she absolutely needs someone it can be a really long day with her brood of 3 boys added to the mix (especially since I've had one of them all day).