Help! My own daughter really struggling with this change

Hi Everyone,
I just started up. I have 4 children plus my own and a coworker. It's going well except my own daughter is having a really difficult time adjusting to everything. Her behavior has changed so much and I'm really struggling with her. I have mostly new toys or toys she isn't too attached to in the daycare - ie I keep her special things separate and I try to have one on one time with her each day, but she is having such a hard time. She's started pushing the other kids and having pretty intense tantrums (which are new). If anyone has experience with this and could send me some words of advice or just words of hope that she will adjust and this will get easier I would appreciate it sooooo much!!! Also if there is already a thread on this subject could you point me there - I searched but couldn't find it.

How old is your little girl? Are there other children her age in the daycare? Are there any particular times she struggles with most?

Thanks for the response! She'll be 3 in September. The other kids are 3, 2 1/2, 13 months and 22 months. She actually seems to have trouble with all of them not just one in particular. I can't seem to nail down a time when it's hardest. She's much better when she's out of the house at the park or splash pad. I'm just crossing my fingers that she'll eventually settle into the routine of it all because she says she likes having the other kids come over.

I have no first hand advice cause I have not had to deal with this myself ~ however my understanding is that you are not alone ... while we stay home with our children and do home childcare because we want them to have the 'best of everything' and being home while earning an income is an awesome option it is a huge adjustment for them to have to 'share' their mother, their home, their toys and so forth and well they are just not old enough to appreciate they GAIN they are getting that yes while they have to 'share' their mama they at least are spending quality and quantity time with her, while they have to share their home they are at least at home and they likely have way more toys and materials that any other child despite having to 'share' them and so forth.

My guess is that she does better 'out and about' because those feelings of 'sharing' are not associated with the park, playgroups and so forth because they are public places she has always had to 'share' ... I would try having some heart to hearts with how lucky she is that her mama is able to do what she does even when it does come with some 'downsides' of sharing her with other kids and so forth.

I know it is hard but it will get better! My son is three and although I have been doing daycare since he is one (and he is not having to adapt now) some days are harder than others. The things that work the best for us are the following:

- he has a box of his own toys in the basement, and he has control of which toy he would like to take out and share and which toy he would like in the box for a day or two

- he has anywhere from 20-30 minutes with me and his sister alone after the other kids are in bed for nap

- when he is having a more difficult day I ask him to be my helper, helps prepare the snacks, he tells the kids it snack time, discreetly allow him to chose which circle time activity he prefers to do today, let him chose which outdoor activity etc... This gives him a bit more control in his environment without changing the dynamics with the others.

- obvious, although difficult at times, is to make sure to take time for a special activity of there choosing in the evening. It is difficult because we have been doing this all day, are tired and busy cleaning and preparing for the next day etc... but when his behaviour changes, it is a clear clue that I need to slow down and spend quality time with him.

- before bed I always tell him who will be here the next day, so I feel he is better prepared and clearly tell him when it is the weekend and he gets time to spend with mommy, daddy and his little sister, alone

- patience, patience and lots of love will pull you both through

Good luck

How long have you had the daycare going? It could definately be a sharing thing. She's not only sharing old toys, and you, but also her santuary.

My little girl is very social outside of the house with just about anyone, but she has trouble when people she doesn't know (or doesn't know well) come into our home.

This is quite a huge change for her on all levels. At her age she's not quite at the stage where she is able to label her feelings as jealous, or overwhelmed.

Maybe you could go over the day with her each morning before the children come. sit down and tell her who is coming and what you will be doing. She probably won't remember it all the just the act itself shows her there is order in the caios that is a daycare and she maybe feel more prepare and better able to cope.

Also talk excitedly about what she will be able to do with her new friends today. ask her what she likes about everyone (leave the negatives out). Give her special things to 'show her friends' or have her help make cookies or something that she can share with them.

Keep all this going consistently for a month or two. One week won't cut it even if you do see improvement.

So many wonderful suggestions! Thank you so much!

It's very difficult. My own child is 6 years old and he finds it hard to share me, to share our house, and to share our things. I try to remind myself that I am doing this, in main part, for him, so that I can be home with him. I tell him this too, but sometimes it is hard for him to remember/understand.

I make it a priority to spend time with him one-on-one when I can (mornings before the kids get here, nap time, evenings, weekends). I make sure he has some 'alone time' during the day, away from the kids, when he can play a video game or read by himself. I do get him involved with different aspects of running a daycare, so that he doesn't feel so much that it is out of his control. For example, he gets to help plan the menu for the week, choose which park to go to, etc.