Trying 3's?

Hello!

I have one 3.5 year old daughter. She has always been very independent and I suppose this is probably just some sort of phase. Lately(like over the course of the last 3 months) when the dayhome kids are over, she will want to play with them (which is of course what I want them to do is get along and play together) however, when I join in the activity with them whether it is coloring, playing toys, reading, etc my daughter will tell me "We want you to go away and play by ourselves", she has even said to me "Go do laundry" or "Go wash dishes" to try to get me to leave the vicinity. They aren't ever doing anything that they shouldn't be, so it's not like she's trying to hide something from me. I never railroad the activity and turn it into what I want to do. I try to let them lead and use their imaginations and I always give them time during the day for "free play". The other kids never say this stuff to me.

I understand wanting to play with your friends, but it is sometimes an attitude that carries on for the entire day, for days on end. But once the dayhome kids are gone, she wants my undivided attention and generally this only starts during a time she knows I NEED to do something such as cook supper. She will ask me to play with her as I am cooking, so I try to give her a simple job, but she won't want to do it and she will pout because "mommy doesn't want to play with me". So I tell her to bring her toys into the kitchen and we will play as I cook or talk to each other as I cook. But same result. After dinner I generally go to the gym for 30-60 minutes and she cries because she wants mommy! Whenever I leave the house without her she throws a fit and it continues for a while after I have left. I have told her it is okay to play with her friends but that it is my job to look after all of them and that I like to see what they are doing and play with them. I don't spoil her or let her get away with whatever she wants, she has rules and boundaries and I expect her to adhere to them as best as a 3 year old can.

Anyhow, I am finding this particular behavior very, very frustrating today and disheartening because it makes me wonder if I have made some huge parenting blunder somewhere along the way and I have stayed home in order to be with her but it seems like she doesn't actually want me around. I try not to let it bother me, but sometimes it does. It might be silly, but I am wondering if anyone else has gone through a "phase" similar to this? And any advice on how to not let it bother me or ways to improve her attitude? Or is it simply her personality and I must wait this out? I feel as though at the end of the day, I've been near her physically but that I haven't really spent "quality" time with her? Not sure if any of this makes sense. *sigh*

Oh honey you are not alone ~ I get told this a couple times a day by the older children in my program ~ it is a developmental thing with them wanting their independence and not to be seen as a 'baby' by their peers .... children this age struggle between dependence and independence .... they want and need you nearby 'just in case' but they do not want you IN their space or play as much any more or only on their terms .... this is why I cherish those years under two when they are cuddly and wanting to be held all the time cause they 'need you' and it goes by so FAST before they really do not want you so much so I do not know why as a society we push them to grow out of that 'baby' phase where their whole world revolves around YOU so fast cause it is a miniscule amount of time :(

Honestly I know it seems 'weird' to say this but try to think of the fact she does this with PRIDE it means that you have done your job WELL as a mama .... you have helped to raise an independent confident learner who knows how to PLAY and meet her own play needs .... most children these days do not have this valuable skill .... they are so used to every moment of their day being scheduled and programmed for them that if the adult is not 'directing them' they are LOST and will be standing by the adult with looks of confusion of 'what next' even with a room full of options!

I purposefully only take 'one' little one into care and have learned to use my extra 'down time' in the program to be there for the wee ones in the program and give them what they 'need' in the way of being held and snuggled and 'emotionally dependent' on me with holding a bottle or playing one on one 'interaction' games with them while they are still willing and so forth for longer than most providers would and not feeling 'guilty or pressured' to be IN the play of the older ones and to accept the role to just 'sit back and watch' the older ones unless invited into their play or if they 'need me' in that a problem arises and they are not handling it .... this is what kids NEED at this age!

Think back to when we were little and at home and what we LOVED about our childhoods .... fact is that for most of us when we were THREE we were sent outside to be with the older kids in the neighborhood all day while mom kept busy in the house with the 'baby' .... we had independence in our play and choices with the comfort of knowing that mom was there if we 'needed' her and if we ASKED she would come and have a tea party or be the monster in our game or whatever our 'thing' was but if she was not needed she kept herself busy in the house doing 'mom things'.