New Kid... won't play

Ok, I have another one.

New kid, almost 3. He has never been away from home to daycare, always cared for at home. Yesturday was his first day. He was miserable all day, didn't say more then 2 words to me, won't play. He just sat and randomly said "mommy come" He slept like a dream but fought me to get there and would not let me change his diaper.

This morning he was such a problem dropping him off that he was actually grabbing at the door to leave before mom left. I had to pry him off the door and mom and take him away while mom slipped out.

I've tried to conect to him. If I even sit on the floor beside him he moves away and hides in a corner in the house... again... won't talk to me or let me change him.

Any suggestions? How long would you put up with the disruption to the group? How long would you give him to settle and adjust? Could it be possible that he just doesn't like me and it won't work out?

No, its def not that he "just doesnt like you", he is scared and unsure, and I think you know that. its just frustrating trying to get a child comfortable in a "new" place. especially when you are compeating with Mom's one-on-one raising! it will take him a while, I wouldnt push him, I wouldnt try to hold him too much or get too close right now. I would make sure all the kids play with him but give him proper space during play, he may be overwhelmed and will def need some time to adjust, he has never done anything like this before, its all new to him! i would make sure to keep a solid schedule and ask Mom to drop off quick and painless. as a matter of fact, ask her to give a kiss before coming in the door, then open the door, say "I love you" and hand him over and walk away, the longer the linger, the longer the pain!!!! :) I'll bet he will end up one of the best kids you'll have, just need to give him time.
Did you ask Mom "what things make him happy?" like rolling a ball back and forth? or playing with blocks? alot of times you can choose those things the child enjoys at home and sit on floor (even across the floor from him with that item and allow him to "come to you") will probly take only a few minutes to show interest and then he will move in to "check it out". I find, it takes "mammas babies" a little longer to learn to trust, but after that..they become the sweetest little creatures!!!

no wonder you are having another issue at nap time, you have ALOT on your hands right now!!! Hold on...in another couple months you'll be flyin high!!!!! :)

Thanks Kidlove... He is a little shell shocked... and that's ok... I don't like the hiding from me and he's agressive with me when I do need him to do something like follow me to the table for lunch, or when I pick him up at the door when mom drops him off.

I'll be honest, I'm not sure if it's going to work out with this one. He's been home with a nanny since birth practically, I suggested some transition days but mom didn't think it was nessasary.... it WAS nessasary!

We'll see how this week goes. It's gonna be a tough one.

Like I've said before, imagine being dropped off in the middle of a strange place with all new faces. How would we feel? Scared out of our minds and completely unsure of ourselves! It takes time. I had a 2.5 year old boy start with me in July and it took him over a month to stop asking me nonstop if his Mom was coming yet, all day, every day, oy vay! Give him some time Apples & Bananas. At least he isn't screaming.

Sometimes if you just ignore them or a bit they will come to you .... With regards to the diaper changing .... Gee I dont know.... Because at three he should be trained or at least started and he certainly can't go all day with out being changed . What does the mom say about that ? At 3 he is old enough to understand that he needs his pants changed !!!! Did he just turn three or is he closer to 4?
It's funny some parents think that they are doing the best for their kids by getting a nanny but really what they need is socialization with people other then family.

Hes about to turn 3, not quite there yet. He has no interest in the potty apparently. I offer it to him and show him where it is. I'm not going to push it or force it. He let me change it once yesterday... thankfully there was no pooping! Cause if he poops it get's changed!

He's actually doing a bit better this afternoon so hopefully that keeps up.

Sometimes we know the answer but just need some good feedback to believe it. LOL

For all intents and purposes you will need to forget that the child is 3 and treat him the same as you would a new one year old - the scenerio is the same in the sense of first separation but compounded by the two extra years of personal treatment.

Ignoring rather than trying to engage will likely be your best bet. Go about your normal things with the kids and if anything plan extra whole group activities. Hopefully he will show interest in what you have gotten out to show the children or the story you are reading, etc. but let him do it at a distance. Over the next few days he will likely start to come closer and closer when you do the activity or at least you will be aware that he has started paying attention. Then switch to things with pieces where you give each child something to take part. Encourage him to take his turn but give him a figure you can sort of ignore if he doesn't such as doing old macdonald's farm - who cares if the goat doesn't come to the farm.

Diapers - you maybe able to reason with him over the next few days using that firm voice that indicates sorry you don't have choice in this. Sometimes up on something for changing such as a bed or the coffee table, on the floor use a mat - something that defines the space he needs to stay in such as the nap mats or I use two of the 2x2 foam squares for my special needs daughter who no longer fits on anything obviously. You might also have success changing him in a confined space such as between the couch and the coffee table - where he has limited space to move around in. You could also insist on pullups and then change him in the bathroom having him sit on the toilet with an insert so he doesn't have to support himself - pull off one and put on the other. Doesn't get to wash him but at least he gets changed. For poops it is the floor and no choice.

Anytime you try to interact with him it just reinforces the fact that you are not mom AND you are not nanny - he is feeling the loss of two people and especially if the nanny left suddenly. Likely he will first open up to the other kids and then gradually join into things they are doing with you.

Don't discount using the tv as a transition during this time for him since it might be one of the only familiar things for him from home to daycare. Move from there to stories based on tv characters or a game with charater shapes such as holding a shape or colour. Talk more and more to him but don't expect him to talk back.

How long it takes him to settle in will depend on how stubborn he is, lol. But as mentioned above, once he has adjusted he may turn into one of your best kids.

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Originally Posted by Momof4

Like I've said before, imagine being dropped off in the middle of a strange place with all new faces. How would we feel? Scared out of our minds and completely unsure of ourselves!

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LOL not me! DH always says you can stick me in a room full of strangers and I'll come out with a bunch of new friends! I guess it depends on the personality, I find it hard to understand (personally) you'd rather sit in a corner and cry all day then play and eat and have fun? But again, that's me and thank goodness my DD too. No matter where we are or who's there she's having fun.