Kids at pick-up time

How do you deal with kids/parents at pick up time? I try to make pick-ups as quick as possible, but it seems as though the kids stop listening as soon as their parents walk in the door. I have one parent of a school-age child who is not firm with the child at all. Today, the parent got here and I told the child to get his shoes on as it was time to go home. He kept playing and the mom told him the same thing. At this point, I have 4 other kids to take care of, and I figure if the mom is there, it is her responsibility to get her kid out the door. But she just hung by the door and kept telling him (in her normal voice) that it was time to go, and he kept ignoring her. Eventually after some minor drama, he got ready and they left. Do you think I should just take charge when the mom is here to pick him up? He listens a lot better for me than for her.

I will sometimes step in, especially if the child is just being stubborn.

I want to, but I just can't do it. I feel like when their parents are there, I no longer have the right to discipline. I feel like I am overstepping my role if I "speak" to a child when their parent is right there.

It's not like I NEVER have, but it's only when a parent looks at me for help that I step in.

Well I feel if the child is in my house he still has to respect the rules regardless of weather mom or dad is there. A quick fix would be to have the child ready with their shoes on when the parent arrives. If the child complains then say" your ears dont seems to work when your mom arrives so now we do it this way. I have a child that since the beginning of time has pitched a fit the minute mom walks in, if dad picks up it's a different story. So 5 mibs before mom is due to arrive I say to the child "ok time to get our shoes on " and he goes through the gate and I shut it behind him so he can't escape and he puts his shoes on and when mom walks in he's happy. A few weeks ago mom showed up 20 mins early and he was just opening a book... well he threw the book down and started to yell no no no .... I took him thru the gate and mom put his ball cap on him and he threw it off and as she was putting his boots on he was taking them off ... So I plunked him on a chair and I said "it's time to go put your boots on now" and I shoved his boots on his feet and stood him up and mom said let's go he started to throw another fit and she picked him up and left ..... That'll teach her for coming early!!!!!

In my house, when the parent comes in , I transfer "authority" to them....on rare ocassions (as long as the parent agrees with my point of view) I WILL step in and walk the child by the hand to the door, or look the child in the eye and firmly state "your Dad said, pick up the toys and get your shoes". But..if the parent is putting forth "no effort" with the kid, I usually just leave the situation alone and let the parent have their own battle. The kids NEVER do it to me, but almost always seem to give their parents a hard time. Only a few times, I actually stepped in and took over on a parent, her son was quite over weight and a TOTAL BRAT when she arrived, I would let her have her go at it, but when he started to kick and scream (IN MY HOUSE) at the end of the day, I would either tell him to leave my house if he chose to behave that way or I would hold his hand and walk him out. (that really made me angry) but, the Mom agreed with me, and clearly stated she wanted help, I will never take over on a parent, unless they ask. Their kid, there responsibility.

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Originally Posted by Crayola kiddies

Well I feel if the child is in my house he still has to respect the rules regardless of weather mom or dad is there.

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Yup ~ my house my rules and I will not allow a child to be disrespectful or behave like a weany here specially if there are other children still present cause the rules are the rules here regardless of who is in the house and the parents sign a code of conduct agreeing to the rules and agreeing to respect and to enforce them while they are here consistently ... if a child is having a hard time at pick up and the parent is not handling it promptly or effectively that yes I do feel it is not only my right but my my job to step in ~ as the consequences of that child not behaving directly impacts my HOME and the program and well I get a say in that ;)

In the past I handle 'refusal to leave gracefully' the same way Crayola has suggested ~ in the one case I had the minute the parent arrived the child would throw a fit and hit the parent and scream and just act like a demon and the mother was trying to 'negotiate' with that and giving her more time and so forth well I was not allowing that and had to step in and say STOP this behaviour will not be tolerated and certainly not rewarded with more time here cause it is time to GO now and told the parent to pick the kid up like a football containing the flailing arms and legs and leave my property undressed as is because THAT could not continue here in front of the other children and be 'rewarded' by mom trying to bribe the kid out of here ~ deal with it in your car thank you very much! Next day your child will be sitting ready to 'leave' when you arrive! And yes that would continue until the child can leave with respect and dignity under the conditions of 'being ready' for the parent and than once they mastered that than we would try again with being able to continue to play until the parent arrives but if they start misbehaving than back they go to sitting all ready to go on the step 5-10 minutes before the parent is 'due' to arrive and yes I do tell the child if they attempt to 'whine' that this is not fair that this is a natural consequence for behaving as you have in the past because you MUST leave my home with respect and dignity and until you can than THIS is how you will go home!

I do not allow 'demon spawn' at arrival and pick up and I have no problem telling parents 'do not accept that behavior your child is capable of better choices than this' and more than one client has left my property with their child like a football without shoes and without coats but it only ever happens ONCE maybe twice with those stubborn kids cause the child quickly learns that song and dance does not work here so do not bother ... sorry but IME inappropriate behavior is contagious and if you allow it with one child and their parent and other kids 'see' that than they think 'hey I am going to give that a go with my parent' and well before you know it arrival and departure looks like a ZOO :(

reggio i think we have the same child/family in our daycares ; ) the one in my daycare hits and kicks the mom and then she wrestles him into his car seat while hes arching his back and then..... she turns on his video player and gives him a sucker .....seriously no word of a lie !!!!