Struggling...

I took on a few before/after school kids at the beginning of the month because I needed to financially. I still haven't filled the space that I am hoping to fill with a younger child. I read all the "warnings" about doing before/after care, but I thought I could handle it. Well, I'm having a really hard time. The kids are loud, disrespectful, hyper, etc--granted, they have only been here for 3 weeks, and I have spoken to their parents, but these kids have no respect for me! I am reminding them daily of what the rules and expectations are in my home and even giving time-outs to one of them! I don't know how to discipline an older child! Also struggling with the daily walks to/from school. I keep having to remind them to stay with me on the sidewalk and not run off ahead. And my own child is sick this week and I hate having to bring him out on these walks when he's not feeling well! Also, they never want to do anything! I plan activities that I think will be fun and they just say 'oh do I have to?' I let them free play and they just bicker and fight with each other and make a giant mess. When it's nice out we play outside, but even then, they find something to complain about. Ugh, I just don't like being in this position where I have to do it for the money, I am interviewing to fill a full-time space, but so far no luck. Thanks for listening.

I'm afraid I don't have any advice, but I am sending you positive thoughts that you will fill your space. I taught elementary school before switching to being a professor, and I don't ever want to take on school-aged children for before/after care. So many of them have no respect for authority, and parents are sometimes "spineless" when it comes to discipline and consequences, so we can't really count on the support from parents either. Sad....

Hi Starshine, sorry to hear your b/a kids are not listening. Like we do with the little ones, why not get them into a routine when they are at your place. Come in, have snack and then play. They probably have some steam to let off because they've been sitting in class having to pay attention. You might want to use a sterner voice and instead of a time out, get them to do a chore like wipe down the kids table/chairs. Forget reminding them of the rules and enforce them. As for walking together to/from school, I get my kids to partner up and hold hands. Its harder to run while they are attached to some one else, or the ultimate embarrassment, they have to hold your hand :)

Well, sounds like you have your hands full, and as much as you want to, "can't un-fill them" right now, due to MONEY! yuck, why does it have to control us? This is what I would do....crack down! How old are they? Give them no choice, when you get back to your house they HAVE TO, sit at the table, have a snack...then onto homework or reading. When they are done with that, MAKE them go outside and play.....play hard for like 30 minutes at least....then maybe allow them to watch a show (appropriate) until pick-up. Hey heres the way I see it.....they are older, sound like brats....you are here to keep them safe and well until their parents come. You are not expected to teach them or go out of your way as far as I'm concerned. They are bad, probly because they are so "pent up" from being in school and behaving all day. Do you have older kids? just wondering because if you don't they may be even more annoying to you because when kids get older, they just get ANNOYING! no matter how well they've been raised, they just get annoying. My own kids HAVE TO stay outside and play after they get off the bus,"blow off some steam" them in for snack and homework. :) good luck!

and I hope you fill your spot soon, so you can send these ones to someone else. Not easy!!!:)

Older kids are hard. You have to have the right ones and they have to be able to get along with each other.

Have you asked them for suggestions on what they'd like to do?

Are they old enough to have homework? Can you put them in different parts of the house and work on their reading or something?

As far as the walk goes... that's just safety... I'd get out the skipping rope and tell them if they can not walk together then they will have to hold onto the rope like the little kids do. It's your job to keep them safe and that's what you intend to do.

Or, can you bring a snack on the walk, they might be slower if they have a yogurt freezy or a granolla bar or a cookie etc.

Something that helps my kids is I ask them "Tell me one favorite thing you did at school today" They all get a turn to speak. It makes them feel special individually and teaches respect to listen to one another.

I hope something works... I have one before after school and it's not my favorite day when she's here. Lucky for me she get's along with my daughter and they often go off and play until mom comes to pick up.

I have a bungie-cord type safety wrist thingy (lol) that I got at Walmart. It's connected to the stroller handle and I remind them that walking freely is not a right, it's a prevelege....you don't obey my street safety rules then you have to hold on. too bad buddy!

I've had a parent YESTERDAY (who's child is constantly running onto the road as we wait at the bus stop) give me 'eyes' for taking out the strap and then said "geeze isn't that like a dog?" I relpied "well the child isn't following MY safety rules and I guess that the parents don't follow through with their OWN parenting....so to make sure I do my job which is to keep them safe....this is what I have to do until they learn".

It's like the parents who at the lakeside park take the kids to the railings to see the water....uhhh you just taught your kid to go towards danger. They can still see the water 10ft away, no reason to risk them running off to "see the water". So same thing for walking home. You must stop at all crossings and either stay by my side or hold my hand, No you can not run ahead of me.

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Originally Posted by Mamma_Mia

I have a bungie-cord type safety wrist thingy (lol) that I got at Walmart. It's connected to the stroller handle and I remind them that walking freely is not a right, it's a prevelege....you don't obey my street safety rules then you have to hold on. too bad buddy!

I've had a parent YESTERDAY (who's child is constantly running onto the road as we wait at the bus stop) give me 'eyes' for taking out the strap and then said "geeze isn't that like a dog?" I relpied "well the child isn't following MY safety rules and I guess that the parents don't follow through with their OWN parenting....so to make sure I do my job which is to keep them safe....this is what I have to do until they learn".

It's like the parents who at the lakeside park take the kids to the railings to see the water....uhhh you just taught your kid to go towards danger. They can still see the water 10ft away, no reason to risk them running off to "see the water". So same thing for walking home. You must stop at all crossings and either stay by my side or hold my hand, No you can not run ahead of me.

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UGH. I hate when people are so overtly judgey of others. If there's a discussion about such things, sure, by all means give me your opinion, but if I'm minding my own business, PLEASE don't eyeroll or visibly judge me...wouldn't it be nice to go to that woman's house and she what SHE is doing "wrong"?? lol ugh again.

I am about as Attachment Parenting as they come. I strongly believe in respecting children. I, however, see NOTHING wrong with those leash things. They are for safety.

I will admit while I love children I DESPISE the school age 5-10 age group I really do ... it is not my forte! I have peers who work solely with this age group and their advice is always have as much OUTSIDE TIME whenever possible ...... they get enough structure and crafts and crap in school.

So before school is basically focused on waking up if they arrive really early with a little boob tube for them or reading and puzzles or board games as options in the early morning cause their own children are generally still sleeping and than having breakfast/snack and than washroom routine and getting ready for the walk to school and they go a little early and let them run around on the playground before the bell goes and after school they just pick them up and snack and than outside time again ... in the winter they play outside before coming inside so as not to have to redress snowsuits twice and have a little later snack.

As for the walking issue ~ I agree walking independently is a privilege and if you cannot follow the safety rules you get harnessed here too mind you I have never had a child past TWO have to go back on the harness to the stroller the one time 'threat' of that is what could happen usually snaps an older child back into line ... by school age they should have MASTERED walking safely and taking off and so forth is a choice of disrespect not an 'impulse' of a toddler and it should come with a natural consequence of being 'contained' if you cannot trust them!

Hello,

Sorry you are having such a hard time. I know how difficult and rude older children and they seem to really annoy. One of the reasons why I know I cannot handle them. I have been in your shoes. Have you read the book How to Talk so Kids Can Listen by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. This book gives possible scenarios on how to have kids listen to you. It recommends that for example, to get kids to listen give them choices. It sounds like they need to do activities that interests them. Find out what they like to do. With school agers I find finding activities that interests them can help them keep occupied. For example, cooking sessions where they get to cook something and share it? Observe and listen to conversations. Generally, kids this age are into the current shows and video games but see if you can provide board games that is geared to their age? it might be helpful Also google activities to do with schoolagers and you will get some answers. Acknowledge their feelings. So if one says "Do we have to? Says "sounds like you are not interested what would you like to do? Have them write you a list and also have them make a list as to what are expected behaviours in your home. Let them be empowered to think for themselves. The fact they are making the rules might actually have them abide by their own rules. Also have them write possible consequences if rules are not followed and ensure to post these rules up.:blink: Hopefully you will consider some of these ideas.

I agree with what was posted above "walking freely is not a right, it's a priivilege". I have two b/a school kids in care, both 6. They are generally great but caring for them is completely different than the little ones as they are more mature, more set in their ways, louder and bigger! I also have a rope (simply a jumping rope) attached to the stroller and if or when they do not abide by the set rules they will hold the rope/stroller or my hand.
When I started I treated the older kids differently because they were older.... but quickly came to realize that more independence and more control also needs to be earned and should not be taken for granted. So, I had to guide/direct their play, select the activities and so forth until they showed me they could follow the rules and be good examples for the smaller ones that try to do everything they do.
Both the kids love puzzles, drawing, crafts, board games so when the energy is too high or on the odd day that they continually revert to inapropriate games, they sit at the big table and play quietly.
As for outside, they love to teach the younger ones games that they don't quite understand so I will pair them up or encourage them to have the kids shadow them in play.
I find that they often need a challenge when they are restless so using your imagination and theirs to create a goal or challenge could allow them to play amazing games; transfer a box into a dinosaur cave, build a lego robot, build a card castle, put on a puppet show for the kids, etc....