Expiration date for parents?

Sorry, this is long......I was just wondering, do any of you simply just grow tired of a family you have had in care for a while?

I have a family that I have had in care for many years now and I am now caring for their youngest (and last) child. He is heading of to Kindergarten in the fall.

Lately I just kind of feel tired of dealing with the same old issues that come along with this family. At first the things were little and I just over looked them. Then the little things started getting annoying and now I feel like I can't objectively or honestly look at them without feeling like I am resentful or even pissy about things.

Some of the things that bug me lately are DCM's atttitude. She is just one of those really snobby parents but spends VERY little time with her kid so when she asks me things like why her child doesn't know all his ABC's I want to say, "Because YOU didn't teach them to him!!" I just feel resentful that she expects me to do it. I do offer a curriculum but her kid is NOT interested and I am not going to force him to do it.

I also have an on-going list of supplies that parents are asked to donate if they have them. Things such as empty paper towel tubes, buttons, empty milk/juice bottles etc. I also ask that parents bring one box of tissue every six weeks. I specifically ask for brand name tissues (I don't care what brand, just not generic..kwim?) I swear this mom donates garbage and does it on purpose. She brings me dirty milk/juice bottles that haven't been rinsed out. She brings paper towel tubes that are torn and totally un-useable.

My donation sheet specifically says CLEAN bottles and if I mention it, she acts like I should be grateful she even brought them so I should just rinse them myself. (This is where I wonder if it is HER or is it ME?) I AM grateful but feel like I wish she wouldn't bother at all since there is so much attitude attached.

She also brings me tissue that I swear she must get from hotel rooms because they are generic and like actual paper not soft at all. There are a lot of other little things but that is just it, they seem so little and petty that I feel bad feeling this way.

I just kind of feel like it is ME that is making a big deal out of her actions/attitude but yet I know she has always been this way. They pay on time and the kid is a great kid but I just kind of feel like maybe there is some kind of expiration date on relationships between some parents and the provider.

They aren't the type of people I would ever want to socialize with outside of work and DCM doesn't ever really cross any huge lines that would force me to term, she just kind of gets under my skin and yet I can't help but wonder how much of it is really her and how much is me...

Maybe we aren't meant to have families in care for so long. I have had this family for almost 10 years so maybe it is just nature taking its intended path?

Just curious if other providers felt this way ever? :o

Hugs ~ I think we see this in all kinds of relationships .... so the friend who after years of being married to someone for example all of a sudden the entire focus of their energy is all the little things they HATE about the spouse they are not considering leaving and you start thinking ~ hmmm why did you spend so long with them if it was so awful' but the reality is it was NOT that awful only our perception of it changed that stinking thinking or negative focus can sneak in and make something minor that would normally roll of our back under the radar suddenly starts to feel like the straw that broke the camels back so to speak.

So guess I am saying that it is a bit of both ... annoying behaviors YES but they sound like things that under normal frame of mind would roll off the back but are being made larger for you because over the course of 10 years together there is obviously things you will miss and well the fear of 'change' that is likely in the subconscious of breaking in a new family and so forth so it is easier to curb that coming 'loss/fear' by focusing on all the things you will NOT be missing about the client who is leaving to make yourself more willing to accept the change and risk of beginning a new relationship.

I always try to remind myself of this when relationships are ending to find that balance of protecting myself while still trying to celebrate all the 'good times' of the relationship as well ... with some clients it is easier than others for sure!

I know this question seems totally rude...but ehy do you care about the brand of tissues?? Wouldn't bother me esp. if I asked parents to bring them.

But she does seem rude, and "snooty" Any way that you can interview & replace this person?

You're making me a little nervous because I have a dcfamily that was here for 3 1/2 years and now we are having a little break for her mat leave but they are comng back soon with the new baby and they will be here for another 3 1/2 years. However, she's the nicest woman ever, really friendly and sweet. Her son was the drama king and my only complaint ever about this family was that the little boy had his parents wrapped around his little finger, but that happens. I'm thrilled that this family is going to be with my daycare for such a long time and they are talking about one more baby in the near future so they may be with me until I retire!

Anyway, what I see in your post Serendipity is that the little things are bugging you a LOT because of the attitude and condescending way this parent treats you. I don't blame you for being done with that kind of person and congrats on lasting so many years.

The end is in sight though, just less than a year to go. Can you survive? Because if not then I agree with Dodge and you should go ahead and replace them for your own sanity and peace of mind. What you've described is blatant disrespect by that parent toward you. I understand when you get to the end of your rope and you can't stand it any more. But that's when it's time to cut the ties and be happy again. Good luck with whatever you decide. If the child isn't too bad can you let the mother's bad behaviour roll off your back with an eye roll and a pffffft, there she goes again?

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Originally Posted by Inspired by Reggio

I always try to remind myself of this when relationships are ending to find that balance of protecting myself while still trying to celebrate all the 'good times' of the relationship as well ... with some clients it is easier than others for sure!

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This makes ALOT of sense. Thank you. I think what I am feeling matches alot of what you said. Thanks for making me feel not so crazy... LOL!

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Originally Posted by dodge__driver11

I know this question seems totally rude...but ehy do you care about the brand of tissues?? Wouldn't bother me esp. if I asked parents to bring them.

But she does seem rude, and "snooty" Any way that you can interview & replace this person?

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LOL! That is exactly what I am saying....is it me or is it her? Am I making a big deal out of the "little things" she does that go against the policies or is she trying to be the thorn in my side....kwim? Normally I don't care what tissues people bring but honestly, you have seen the kind that are awful and paper thin....might as well use newspaper kind? THAT is the kind she brings. I wondered if she was stopping at the gas station and stealing them out of the rest room because they are really really crappy tissues and I do NOT like wiping green runny noses let alone getting it all over because the tissue are sucky.

fwiw~ It is pretty normal for DCF's to bring supplies like that on a regular basis for daycares in my area. Plus like I said, the Target or Walmart generic ones seem to be fine so it isn't like I am asking the families to spend a ton on them but I am using them on their kids (and I don't have a huge group) so I feel badly for the red little noses when I come along with a tissue that feels like sandpaper.

...and yes, her tone and her attitude always come across as very snooty and condescending but I'd say 75% of the time I deal with dad so I am good. I don't want to interview and replace because it would be a rare thing to replace this family as their child is actually school age but didn't go to school this year so he is kind of a bonus kid as he isn't counted in my ratios so the money I earn from them is above and beyond my normal daycare kids.

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Originally Posted by Momof4

Anyway, what I see in your post Serendipity is that the little things are bugging you a LOT because of the attitude and condescending way this parent treats you. I don't blame you for being done with that kind of person and congrats on lasting so many years.

The end is in sight though, just less than a year to go. Can you survive? Because if not then I agree with Dodge and you should go ahead and replace them for your own sanity and peace of mind. What you've described is blatant disrespect by that parent toward you. I understand when you get to the end of your rope and you can't stand it any more. But that's when it's time to cut the ties and be happy again. Good luck with whatever you decide. If the child isn't too bad can you let the mother's bad behaviour roll off your back with an eye roll and a pffffft, there she goes again?

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Thank you and I am sorry I am making you nervous...LOL! I promise it isn't always this way. I have had lots of family last a long time and I don't think any of them got to me like this one is. I think it has a lot to do with what Inspired by Reggio said and that I might be somewhat protecting myself because the end is near and the little things are now exaggerated to the point that it is annoying but really they have always been there.

I think that it has finally just hit me that I won't have to deal with this DCM's snobbiness soon and although I just let it slide in the past because I viewed it as HER problem not mine it still was no big thing until now Kind of like when a certain kid is absent and you suddenly realize that your day runs smoother without them although you didn't really think they were a bad kid in the first place. Make sense?

Anyways, thanks for the replies ladies, you have made me feel better for sure!!

wow! 10 years is a long time. There is the majority of your issue, I was thinking "long time" was like 4-5 years, that to me is a normal amount of time to have one family. So that could be your problem in and of itself, 10 years is crazy long! The other thing I pick up on is that this Mom is a-typical "cheap-skate". I have had parents like this....they are by no means poor, they have money to buy the quality products but are total cheapo's always tryingto save a buck. They use crappy wipes and generic diapers, also tend to dress their kids in the same 3 outfits all the time, and never fix the kids hair or wipe their face. LAZY too! have had many parents like this. But THEY always seem to look nice dressed for work in nice clothes, hair and makeup always done. Selfcentered in nature, where WE providers (most of us) would put our family first and the care of others beforeourselves. Sure that may have a little to do with it too. Doesn't sound like you are the same type people and NEVER will be. For sake of positive refferences I would put a big smile on ,always "thanking" for the extras, and be on your way in the fall! good luck!

I don't think it's you and I don't think its the dcmom. Honestly, I have been here, done that too with a dcfamily. I had a family in care for six years, and, yes, at the end I was ready for them to go. I think that rather than the mom trying to be annoying she is just too comfortable. It is hard not to become "comfortable" around those you have had any relationship with for that long. You can only keep up a "happy" or "nice" front for so long before you feel it starts to affect you.

I guess the positive note in all of this is that this dcmom must appreciate you or trust you in some fashion or she wouldn't be leaving her kids with you for over a decade. I didn't actually realize this side of things in my situation with my dcfamily of 6 years until closer to the end. And there has to be something said for loyalty by a dcfamily.

Just a question.....Why do you have them bring Tissue? That is just a normal expense of running a child care in my opinion. They bring wipes, diapers, bum cream.....anything that is specific to there child, but Kleenex is needed by everybody. I just stock up and get whatever brand I like. As far as bringing items for craft, I would just ask her to stop bringing them unless they are cleaned or free of rips, because they are not usable. Sometimes you have to be direct and if she says you can wash them, you tell her, no, I don't have time for that and you'd rather her not bring them if she doesn't have time to rinse them.

Sounds like you are both tired of each other. I was in that situation. I couldn't wait for them to leave (the parents) and once they got accepted into our town daycare they were outta here. It was time for us both to move on.

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Originally Posted by daycaremum

Just a question.....Why do you have them bring Tissue? That is just a normal expense of running a child care in my opinion. They bring wipes, diapers, bum cream.....anything that is specific to there child, but Kleenex is needed by everybody. I just stock up and get whatever brand I like. As far as bringing items for craft, I would just ask her to stop bringing them unless they are cleaned or free of rips, because they are not usable. Sometimes you have to be direct and if she says you can wash them, you tell her, no, I don't have time for that and you'd rather her not bring them if she doesn't have time to rinse them.

Sounds like you are both tired of each other. I was in that situation. I couldn't wait for them to leave (the parents) and once they got accepted into our town daycare they were outta here. It was time for us both to move on.

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I think that a lot of you hit the nail on the head....we are just weary of each other and it is definitely time to move on. Thankfully, they will be gone in a few months...I was really just worried that I was going crazy feeling like I do. I guess when I think about what a PP said about loyalty and trust, it makes alot of sense. I can also totally see where we have probably just gotten too comfortable around each other.

As far as the tissues, I made the decision last year that I was either going to raise my rates or start asking parents to chip in a but more....they ALL chose to bring certain supplies versus a rate increase. That way it is a win-win for everyone.

I provide a VERY high quality, all organic, cloth diaper, no electronics/TV program and if I didn't raise rates or have parents start chipping in a bit, I was going to have to find other ways to cut costs. Asking for tissues and wet wipes seemed minimal to parents but a huge cost saver for me.