Advice....Help, My Daughter is burning me out!

I have had my day home for 1 1/2 years now. While it started off great, my daughter has been in the terrible 2's for at least 3/4 of a year. Starting when she was 1 1/2. I also have 2 school aged boys. 5 and 8.
She's demanding, VERY demanding! Screams at everyone, hit's anyone and everyone when she's mad, which is whenever she see's something she doesn't like. Like right now! One of my dh kids tried to play with her and she screamed her head off at her and went to hit her. Now she's trying to get into everything. And her new thing is saying she's hungry every 5 minutes. She throws, hits, bites, screams, destroys peoples block buildings, lego ect. Rips things out of kids hands. Blah Blah Blah.....She consumes all my time and patience my dc kids suffer as do my boys...

I love her and she can be the sweetest, cutest, funniest, most wonderful daughter. She gets more than enough attention from me in a positive way.
But she takes up my whole day, I am constantly putting out her fires.
I just feel my days would go so much smoother if I put her in dc and/or I went back to work.

I have my 2.5 yr old son in another daycare up the street. He goes two days a week, and let me tell you- those two days are HEAVEN around here!!
Definetly consider it even for just a part time basis. She may even calm down, (which is what I have found with my own son). I think he has learned that he doesnt need me for every little boo-boo or to take him to go pee or to be picked up constantly!
I did feel bad at first, but I also feel like it is a benefit for all of us that he goes there.

I think a lot of people have strong opinions about how this is a bad thing to do when you are at home all day so it can make us feel guilty about doing it. I would suggest similar to Kingston Mom, but maybe consider preschool programs too. Something that is structured and set up more like a school environment might be just what she needs. If it was me, I'd do this in a heartbeat.

I feel your pain...my 4 year old son used to consume way more of my time than anyone else (now he's in school full-time and life is much easier). My 2 1/2 year old is not as bad, although definitely likes to throw her little fits. Our own kids are definitely harder on us. I just attended a discipline workshop last night that was very helpful and made me look at things slightly differently. I don't know if you have access to any of these types of workshops, but I would highly recommend it...I am going to take more...as many as I can I think! This morning I tried out some new strategies after anaylizing the situation (my 4 year old and the 2 year old dcb always clash before and after school)...so this morning I told my son that his job was to make the other one happy and then we talked about specific things he could do (like getting him a puzzle)...and every time he did something I praised him up and down. Well, his attitude changed drastically! He started saying "I want to help you more and make him really happy" and then he was looking for ways to create happiness instead of finding attention in tattling on the 2 year old after instigating a fight with him. So for me, sometimes it's a matter or anaylzing the situation and getting to the root of "why" the child is acting out (often attention getting) and then come up with a plan to create a more positive behaviour instead of the constant negative attention that ends up being given the more they act out. I know with my son I have made the mistake of falling into way too much negative attention instead of praising the positive and building on it. Boredom can also be an issue....so lots of activities to keep her busy in a constructive way. Good luck!

Oh, and also, don`t feel guilty if you decide to put her in a a part-time preschool program or something like that to give you a break...maybe she needs the break from you too! Not saying you are nto a wonderful mother...but if they are driving us nuts, we are probably driving them nuts too ;) And sometimes some breathing room can make things so much easier :)

I do not have any advice cause I have never had to deal with this first hand ... however I do empathize with the concept of guilt!

IME there is often so much judgement made for mothers who choose to send their children to daycare when they are 'home' .... I have a peer who sends her son 3 days a week because he needs the socializaton and speech and language practice that being home with one sibling does not provide but people LOOK AT her when she states that her son is in daycare while she is home with the other sibling like 'what do not you like your son' you can see it in their eyes :(

IMO everyone needs to be able to know and reflect on their own limits and skills and abilities with children ~ they do not all fit in the same box and well some personalities are just EXHAUSTING to raise 24/7 .... so when a mama comes to me and says yet I am at home and not working but I want to put my kid in a program for socialization and to get a break I try not to judge because I trust that if she is feeling that way than chances are the child IS indeed better coming into a program to give the mama that break ... I would rather the kid be in my program and mama having some me time than to read about that mama in the paper having SNAPPED like the stories you read about in the paper and driven her children into the lake or something cause she just felt at the end of her rope.

Living our life is all about finding our own balance and constantly reflecting truly on what we feel is best for ourselves and our children and that what we are doing is working ... if you feel this will help give it a try if it helps AWESOME worse case it does not make a difference at all so you pull her out again and look for some other option!

My 3 yr old goes to a preschool program one morning a week. I would love if he could go two mornings but hubby is responsible for the transportation and that's all I can get him to commit to. My son loves it and he needs the outside socialization as he will be starting jk next sept. He is definately my biggest challenge during the day. Although I have recently done a big shake up in my daycare and i am finding the new dynamics are working better which makes for calmer happier days . So I am all for putting my own kid somewhere else for a few hours a week.

This is my son to a T. He went through (and is still to some extent) going through a terrible two phase. He is nearly 2 1/2. The thing is that AFTER daycare hours and on weekends, he is just lovely! He is just having serious issues with sharing his time, space and Mommy with several other children who also need my attention. Thank goodness he is finally over his biting phase because that was the worst.
He has been going to a daycare facility 2 days a week now, for the last 4 weeks. I had a LOT of guilt...SO much. I also feel like I'm judged sometimes, because I have this wonderful home daycare that people praise but my own son is sent somewhere else a couple days a week. But, to be completely 100% honest???? It has helped my work, my life, my sanity and my SON. His first few times were a challenge as he has never been away from me, and had a difficult time adjusting. However, he is now used to it and loves it!!! It's his time away from home, on neutral territory, wherein he needs to listen and comply with other loving adults other than myself, he learns new experiences and is making new friends who aren't competing with him for his Mom. We are BOTH happier! The days he is gone go soooooo smoothly here at home, and when he comes home we have huge long hugs and he feels refreshed and happier!
I would strongly recommend looking into something similar for your daughter :)

Oh thank you ladies! I feel better about it. I'm thinking 2 to 3 mornings a week. But there are no preschools that take kids as young as her. So I will have to find another day home. All the group dc's in my area don't take part timers. It might be hard to find a dayhome that would be better than staying at home around my area.