Soother/ bottle

DCC is sent with a soother and bottle everyday. He is 18 months. He doesn't use either here- drinks out of a sippy cup, never asks for soother, and is completely fine without it. Trouble is everyday at drop off mom takes them out of the bag and hands them to her DS he gets really upset when he sees them and will carry them around but not use them. I generally distract him and take them then he is fine. I've tried asking mom not to bring them or leave them in the bag. I also have told her how well he does without them. She always gets very defensive saying he freaks out at home without them and he definitely still needs them. Today she told me I should just keep him if he's so good here :blink:
WWYD?

LOL She said you should just keep him if he's so good at your place?!?! Sounds like she is having a hard time separating from her son and coming to terms with the fact that he's not her little "baby" anymore. He's a toddler now!

I would just tell her that if she wants to bring his bottle and soother "in case he needs them" that is fine AS LONG AS she leaves it in the bag and you will take the bottle out and put it in the fridge (if she brings it filled) as soon as he is busy with an activity.

When children come in the door with soothers in their mouths I take it out right away and put it into their backpacks right in front of the parents. They don't ask for them all day long, yet they need them at home? I hand the bottle or cup of chocolate milk back to the Mom or put it in the fridge all day and put it back in the bag at pickup time to go home with them. (I have one family who does this about once a week and I don't serve chocolate milk)

Keep your life simple and do things the way you do them. We have enough stress in our lives and need to save our strength for the big battles and don't sweat the small stuff. Just deal with it, get it out of the way matter-of-factly and move on with your days. At least that's what I do.

Keep doing what you're doing and ignore mom. It's the mom who "needs" them not the d/c child. I hate bottles and get kids off of them as soon as they come here. I only allow soothers if they sleep with them. They don't need them any other time.

Fruitloop made a very good point. I also believe it's the Mom who needs the soother, not the child. If the soother goes away that means the 'BABY' is growing up! That's hard for some Moms.

Today my newest baby's Dad said something that blew me away, really blew me away. His son has been screaming here since he started, for m.o.n.t.h.s. He is finally happy, coming in the door and being happy all day. We are all very thrilled that he has realized this is a great place to be. But the Dad said today that it's too bad. Huh? He and his wife are sad that their son is happy being away from them. :confused:

I have a child like that with a blanket and another one like that with a soother. Ive been able to teach them to put them away. But we have to wait until mom leaves, neither will do it with mom here. The first few times they cried at the door for a few minutes, but now it's like an accomplishment when they put their things away in their bag. They can have them back at nap time.

I think since I made it their idea they were more successful, but they still carry them around at home. The parents can't figure out how I do it.

I don't do pacifiers at all for any age. I also don't do blankets, loveys, or any attachment items. What this Mom is doing is intentionally causing an escalation with her child at transition times. The Mom likes the attention and she likes that she wins over your wishes every single day because the kid is HER child not YOUR child so she will decide and YOU will DO. Do as you are told "do".

I would tell her straight... do not bring that into my house. I don't want bottles or his binky. You can have them all the way to my driveway at drop off and all the way home after you pick up but not IN my house. She's pushing you around. Plain and simple.