I am very hurt by my weekend sitter. Long Sorry

I had to get a weekend job, as we were not paying enough into our tax account at the bank (we moved into a new property that had not be assesed so they went by approx. figures and as a result we had a huge deficit)

So I thought I had found a nice stay at home mom to watch my little guy, and things seemed to be going well, until yesterday when I had found out that he was eating large amount of sugar...like I am talking pop tarts, tim hortons... All that. She then informed me today that he requires 24 hour attention, that he is hyper, badly behaved..etc etc after filling him with all of that. I am not suprised.

I brought my son home last night and talked with him about what happens at "Barb's" and he stated that he really doesn't get to go outside, just play's games on the pc, on the i-pad and plays cars. Realistically I wasn't expecting a lot from her but I was thinking that she was going to keep him safe, happy and busy. His words, body language and stuff tell me he is bored silly. (I only take him to a sitter/provider when my husband can't be there at home, and my husband picks him up)

She then went on to say, that for what I payed her ($30.00 for 4.5 hours), was not nearly enough, but in the time that she has watched him she never once complained or brought up the rate of pay. She also said that she was exhausted, and that bringing him on the weekends wore her out (she watches others during the week) and that she was just not able to do this anymore. She informed me that she would no longer be providing services any longer and to not return. (I signed something that states she would give 2 weeks notice)

That isn't what bothers me about all this..... What bothers me is that she comes to me with all of these complaints about my high maintanance kid, when as it looks she was filling him with sugar, and he was seeking any type of attention he could get because he was bored...It hurts me that she would make such remarks about pay and such when she never once talked to me about any of this....

What are your thoughts?

On another note, I now am able to bring my son to work with me at the daycare I work at during the week..... He loves it and I enjoy the room I am working in.

I am to think I need to get better at looking for red flags or something, Jesus Murphy.

To be honest, she probably is getting burned out. If I only had one day off (well, I have my own children too...so no day off) from Home Daycare I would be exhausted too. And, if she only has one child...that's a challenge too. Perhaps you could discuss the option of you packing all of his snacks/meals for the day when he goes there (or to the next place you send him)...just to try. That way, it eases her financial burden a bit and hopefully modifies his behavior.

I understand that dream..but that was her rate, and when I asked if she felt that was fair she said yes. I already send breakfast with him.

I feel for you in this situation. I can tell you my take from both sides. First, I think her remarks surrounding your child are unfair. Perhaps he is high maintenance. Perhaps it's part of his make up or perhaps, as you said, it's due to the unhealthy foods he's eating. Given what we know about diet in relation to behaviour, I wouldn't doubt it. However, we all know there are ways to say things with diplomacy, tact and kindness. Never in my profession have I ever told a parent that their children are hyper or not worth the pay. That's just not cool. So far as the pay and contract go, she wrote it, she made the request, she should abide by it.

However.......

On the other side of the coin....she has kids through the week? She's tired.....plain and simple. As Dream said, she's likely approaching burn out. I also take a little girl on the weekend. She's been with me since 4 mos of age, used to be a regular daycare kid, now I'm helping mom out. However, wanting to be sure I can get out without fuss, there is no contract. There also is no specific amount of pay. Mom pays me very well, because she knows it's my day off and I'm helping her out. Plus, I also made it clear that it's my day off and after 60 hours with little ones through the week, I'm pretty wiped. There will not be daycare activities. She's welcome to do crafts, play in the back yard, play with the toys...or if she wants to watch iCarly, then so be it. Other than that, she does what we do...even if it's going to my parent's place out of town. Basically, she's part of the family for the wknd and is treated as such....Treats of junk food and all. It's all very, very casual. I will not, can not give families all of myself. I would suspect your provider is just hitting the end of the road with what she can give. I realize she should never have committed to it, and especially in such a formal way, but from her side, I can certainly understand her thinking.

I would suggest trying to look at it from that perspective. Perhaps you could even speak with her and discuss the situation, acknowledging your understanding of her perspective....I know that can be difficult when annoyed. Maybe if things are more flexible and relaxed, it will go better? Otherwise, I would just move on.

I agree that the problem isn't about your son it is about the whole situation in general. What sounded like a good idea in terms of making a little extra money on the weekend turned into a chore. On weekends as daycare providers we have things we have to do that we don't do during the daycare week such as launder all the daycare bedding, wash and sanitize toys, equipment. Plan lessons, meals, premake some foods and freeze them, grocery shopping, etc.

I am guilty if you want to call it that of letting my children have "treats" on the weekend that they weren't allowed to have during the week or in school lunches. Some children are effected by them and others are not.

You don't mention how old your son is. It sounds from his ability to speak with you that he is old enough to entertain himself when presented with a room of toys and that is likely what "Barb" was expecting in that he would just play while she went about her weekend daycare work, cleaned the house, etc. and act just like one of her own children. There is no programming on weekends. There is more tv as an option, there is relaxed meal times and down time when desired.

If the caregiver is finding that she isn't getting her work done because of the needs of the extra children then she is right to stop doing it because it is the daycare children for the coming week that are going to suffer too if the work isn't done on the weekend. It is time to just move on to someone else but be prepared that working on weekends isn't something all caregivers want to do.

She was not able to provide the necessary nourishment and attention your child deserved. She should have accessed her ability and will to care for your child. To then critisize your child and increase the agreed amount pay is unprofessional and then to give you no notice is rediculous. During the week she may be an excellent provider but IMO she dropped the ball here. I'm glad to hear you found alternate care and would not return to her.

I dont do weekend daycare for the simple fact that I have a life and owe time to rest and my own family, my first red flag would be anyone who is willing to do weekend care on a regular basis. just doesn't make sense to me, this is a high paced at times very intense job with the care of all dif personalities and needs if anyone in this job doesn't get a break they are bound to "burn-out", sounds like maybe she wanted to do it for you but later decided it was too much for her to handle. Contrary to what the truth really is, she could have worded her reasons al little dif not to hurt you as she did. Only a few times have I had to let a parent know how I was deeply bothered by childs behavior, or the fact that I was overwhelmed to the point of letting the child go, and in those few situations the parent did not listen to me if I didn't other wise become so honest and blunt, not sure if this is the case, but count your blessings and move on. Not everyone is a good fit for everyone, just continue to look or find family and friends who may better understand the needs of your child on the first place, then you can go to work with less worry. Good Luck!

Find somebody else, plain and simple. Start looking today. Be careful with who you choose. I would also never even consider working on the weekend because I need a few days to recharge my energy. Is there a YMCA program or something else that would be open on weekends for you? It would cost you more than $30/day but your child would be safe and well cared for and you would have peace of mind.

i only have 3 kids during the week, and it gets me tired too. I need my break.

On some weekends, I may have a kid or 2 coming over. They must be at least 5 years old.

That being said, the weekender is a "friend coming over for a play" with my kids. That is plain babysitting not daycare with programming, $50 cash if he stays for 8 hours, he eats our meals, he can enjoy Saturday popcorn, the can play skylanders on PS3. He can go out sled with us in the hill, he can drink hot chocolate with us. Parents send lunch pack with their kids.

And I do what needs to be done!

So, maybe an honest talk about expectations between parent-caregiver is needed.

Well, if she has given you notice already, then it's ends there. She does not need to elaborate your kids behavior, your kids is plain bored. If she need raise for your daycare rates, it should have been written notice, right? At least I do write it in advance, so they know its coming. Plus increase is only on renewing contracts.

Good luck, hope your find a better one!