What do I do next?

Hi! I have an issue with my day care girl. She has, from day one, been a trouble maker and difficult child, She just turned 3 btw. When she is here she constantly misbehaves, time outs don't seem to mean anything to her. Anyways...she was sick right before Christmas and didn't come to my home and then I was closed until the New Year. Last week she came and was a new girl! So happy and loving and days went smoothly! well this week is a whole new level of bad...she is in my face yelling "No" whenever I ask her anything. I tell her to not do something...she stops, looks at me and does it again. I ask her why she does certain things she knows she's not allowed to do and she says "because I want to". I know that things are hard for her at home...Her dad works 4 weeks home and then 5 weeks overseas. It's been 8 months of up and downs but the being disrespectful is the last straw! I was also told today at drop off to not let her nap because she slept in, but she wouldn't stay quiet for quiet/nap time so I sent her to bed for a break and she fell asleep. What do I do now?

Oh boy, you were told not to let her nap? <insert eye roll here> because she slept in? Sheesh! Sounds like Mom/Dad needed a break this morning too. And so do you. My rules are, everyone naps. If they are not sleeping in their nap area, then they are quietly reading a book etc. I have to laugh...I have had 2 older (3 year olds) start with me where parents said "Oh, they don't nap"....in both cases they were so zonked by nap time they did nap, every single time.
When you say "time outs don't mean anything to her", with my own 3 year old was the same until I actually restrained him in time out (booster chair where they eat meals, with tray clipped on to restrain with timer on)...that worked immediately. You definitely need to find an effective consequence for these negative behaviors; have you discussed any of this with parents, what strategies work at home? Poor you! I have been fortunate not to have to deal with the attitudes/defiance, good luck to you!

I have discussed it with her mom so many times I couldn't even tell you. She behaves badly at home as well and her mom actually asks me for advise and tells me that she trusts me to do whatever I need to to correct the behavior. It has been a very long 8 months and I'm not sure what I should say to the parents...give them a warning that if this disrespecting behavior/attitude doesn't change then I will have to let her go? Or do I just terminate her. sigh....so tough.

Replace then Terminate.
I doubt things will get better if her parents are not willing to work with you on correcting her behavour.

I would be pissed off at the mom for letting her child sleep in. All children must be quiet (hopefully sleep) during quiet time. If a child falls a sleep (I will not keep them awake) them I let them sleep. This is right in my policies. I will never wake a sleeping child unless its an emergency. I don't care what the parents think or say about it.

The parents might want to consider some kind of intervention for the child to help teach her some coping skills for the changes in her life.

I tell the parents at the interview that I will be honest with them no matter what issue arises and we will be a team working together to solve the problems. I also tell them that if they don't want to work together with me or give me advice and tell me how they are dealing with things at home so that we are being consistent in teaching the children good manners, good behaviour and appropriate attitudes to get them on the right footing in life that I can't accept them into the daycare.

My honesty and my willingness to be a vital part of their family support system is what attracts great quality clients and families and has made me a very happy caregiver for 5 years now. I highly recommend weeding out these families at the interview stage and save yourself 3 years of hell on earth by bashing your head against the wall with parents who are not on the same page with disciplining bad behaviour. You are not the parent, you are the secondary caregiver, but you spend 40-50 hours a week with the children and you can't spend all those hours going crazy. I have to agree that you have done all you can with this family and should get out now.

UPDATE: Yesterday afternoon DCG took a pen and drilled it through our art easel. I made her tell her mother what she did and she told her....proudly. I told the mom that I am at a loss as to what to do anymore. I was then informed that she has been acting out at home badly as well, gee...thanks for the heads up. And she doesn't know what to do either. I will see if she comes up with a solution this weekend, if she doesn't improve next week. I'll give her notice. When she acts out, my daughter tends to act out on those days too...she feeds off this girl. :( I never expected running a dayhome to be sooooo stressful. Thanks for your advise ladies. I wish I would have found this forum 8 months ago!:glomp:

Wise choice on the termination:). Big cheers on truly trying your best. I often wish I could climb into their little heads sometimes and understand the why's behind behaviors and fix it for them. Did Mom offer to pay for a new easel?

Shannie, you just hit the nail on the head. It is NOT suposed to be that stressful. When you get your newest baby to finally stop screaming and become a happy part of daycare life and he finally mixes in well with the other children who know all the rules and routines and your days are filled with fun and laughter, inside and outside and the days run smoothly. (Or is that just me, haha)

You're run off your feet and exhausted from doing a great job at the end of the day but there shouldn't be any behaviour and stress that you're going through right now. I'm glad you talked to the parents and laid it on the line that they MUST find the solution and let you know how they are handling it. I really believe that kind of consistency is the only way to turn things around.

I can't believe she totalled your easel like that! Wow! Good luck with this one.

The mom did say that DCG has the same easel at home so she will exchange it for me. Thank goodness for somethings. I am sure things will be so much better when she is gone. I have been close to quitting so many times, thinking I couldn't cut it. But having her sick and not here for awhile made me realize that it wasn't me, just that one child. I hope the parents can find this little girl the help that she so desperately needs.