Play Dates With Parents?

Daycare mom is bringing her younger child to me starting in Feb. Next week, she's asked me to take her for one day as she has an appointment. Her 2 yo son already comes here part time, and has since July, so she knows me and has confidence in my provider abilities.

She's just texted me and asked if she and her daughter (10 months) could come tomorrow before her son's pick up for an hour to play, so her daughter can get used to the daycare.

I am SO uncomfortable with this. I can't even tell you. For one, I find talking to her REALLY awkward. We are very different as far as people go, and to be totally honest, I don't care much for her. She is the mom who threw the envelope at me, and whose husband was rude to me.

I am socially awkward to begin with, and normally limit my social interactions with people I don't know well to casual conversations at playgrounds/play groups outside of my home. I'd also feel like I was under a microscope as far as my caregiver abilities/house cleanliness etc.

I can't really use the excuse that I don't have strangers around the other dck's, because all the families already know her, as do the dck's, so that would be a thinly veiled excuse.

What should I say to her? I am seriously panicking, thinking about hanging out with her for an hour.

I would let her come for the hour. While she is with you concentrate on the dckids and keep busy with them. Talk about the children, how much you enjoy caring for them etc. General daycare chat. Try and be natural and relaxed and be confident in your provider abilities.
I also had a mom who was just strange and conversation with her was awkward. I kept our chats limited to the weather and daycare stuff. Also don't feel you have to entertain her. Good luck..........you CAN do this!

I decided to suck it up. I won't like it though. No sir, not one bit. ;) LOL

Good luck Alphaghetti! I, too, am pretty socially awkward. Making small talk, even for a brief period of time is soo hard for me. I never know what to say, and it comes out all weird, and it makes me even more nervous! Mix that with someone who has been rude in the past and I don't care for, would be unbearable.
I agree with mimi, to just focus on the kids and the daycare. It's safe ground. I hate doing playdates with potential parents for this reason. Hope the hour goes by quickly for you.

I totally understand what you mean! I kind of feel like I'm under a microscope (& understandably so for a parent who is considering leaving their child). For sure I feel as though everything has to be immaculate. The daycare dynamic completely changes when someone new is around (& my own 3 year old son seems to grow horns). Fortunately, an hour can go by so quickly in daycare...big bucket of blocks and some cars to occupy you and the children and tadaa. In your case, new baby is likely already familiar with you home through drop offs?

Oh Alpha! It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who is incredibly socially awkward with the parents. I hate it. Went to a DCB bday party sunday because my little one and him are the best of friends. my little one had a blast. I thought I might throw up the whole time

It's only an hour. You can do it!!!!!

Lety us know how it goes!!!!

Working with clients in the room is definitely something that takes practice ~ after 17 years of never know who was 'watching' me while I worked cause we had two way mirrors, video cameras and well open door policies where they could just come hang anytime without warning I learned to adapt to that feeling to the point I do not mind anymore and can go about being silly at story time or doing crafts or whatever and just 'ignore' another adult in the room if need be.

I actually encourage parents who feel they 'need' to spend a little time in the program to do so cause while it really does little to help the child directly it does 'indirectly' help with their adjustment to childcare because children feed on parent anxiety so if the parent is at ease having spent some time here the child is likely to come into program at ease.

Things I have done when the 'parent' may be a disruption in the program is to invite them to go 'read a book, magazine or play a game on their phone or my Nintendo DS' in another room so that their child can 'get use to the program' but while they are still on the premise as a support should you need it ... this meets everyone's needs because you do not have to make 'small talk' with someone whom you find a challenge, the other children do not have the 'audience' of a 3rd person to perform for and cause you stress and you are meeting the perceived need for the child to 'get to know YOU' before being left alone while the mother can observe from the other room that the children are happy and engaged and you are not a troll who hangs them from their toes from 8-4 and than brings them down to look good for pick up ;)

Mom does not need to be in the ROOM for the play date just on the premise should the child not be coping than she could come back at the agreed upon length of time of you 'trying' to sooth her .... young children cannot tell 'time' so this helps to prepare them for the longer days because they learn to trust that I come here to play, the mama leaves and than comes back later even though in this case mama never 'truly left' ;)

Ugh feeling your pain Alpha

I can chat up a storm with parents because it is nice to find an adult to talk to at the end of the day - lol but I hate hate hate the idea of play dates with DCparents.

I feel play dates are just awful because the other daycare kids act up when someone else is around and I feel like the parent is testing me or analyzing every move I make so I avoid them at all cost.

I don't like the feeling of being under a microscope and having the parent potentially find something to nitpick at and then spread about me through the rumor mill if our relationship should ever go sour. I mean...chances are it wouldn't happen.....but I don't like the possibility anyways.

Maybe that is why we all work with kids? None of us like talking to adults?? LoL :woot:

For real, though; most people love to talk about themselves. If it gets awkward, and you feel you MUST make conversation, ask her questions about where she is from, what she does for a living, etc. Even better, ask her things about the kids! People LOVE talking about their kids.

And even if it's awful... it's only an hour!!
Good luck, hun!

I encourage the parents to come for a playdate like that before their children start. I like to have another adult to talk to, although it's rare that I'm able to have anyone come here during daycare hours, just my daughter once in a while. I have no problem working with them in the room. I have nothing to hide after all.