What is the longest it has taken for a child to adjust?

I have been a home daycare provider for 6 years - in that time I have cared for many children.
I started a new child this month - we began with a play-date with mom here, the next day just the child for 2 hours. The following day, the full morning, including lunch. The child did really well during this transition.
The following week we did two half days (staying for lunch), the first went well (we were at a playgroup for most of the morning), the 2nd day - everything went off the rails...the child cries if not in my arms. If I put her in the high chair - hysterical crying. Forget napping, she will only sleep if I am holding her or patting her bum...which I don't mind doing, but the second I stop she becomes hysterical. I know that she is just adjusting; I know that this is a phase; but I have never had a child like this...I am having a hard time with it. I do all that I can to comfort, but I also want to encourage independence and my daycare routine. We are on day 9. What is the longest amount of time it has taken for a child to adjust? I need to see a light at the end of this tunnel!! She cries all the time. I feel bad for the other children. :(

If I said it can be months not days that probably wouldn't help would it but it can. Some kids just don't want to give in and accept their new reality. It is all about how the parents prepared the child and really there is little you can do to make it all better so don't think you are doing anything wrong. Have child close by as much as possible but you do not need to carry him all day. He needs to become content with himself.

I just transitioned a baby in and almost termed them because it was 4 full weeks of nonstop crying ( thank goodness she was an amazing sleeper with two 2 hour naps a day!) but on the first day of week 5, it was like a light switch went off and she never cried again!! She was even away for a week and I thought we would have to start over, but she came right back all smiles! She's 11 months....started at 10 months. Hope is helps!

Are the parents doing anything at home to help her adjust at daycare? Not picking her up as soon as she cries, letting her CIO at naptimes instead of holding her/patting her bum etc?
If this is not happening, then it is going to take her a long time to adjust. I would also just go about your normal routine with her so that she gets used to the routine right from the start.

It can take months but I have tried transitioning my last few in on a gradual basis and now I don't want to do that anymore. It takes too long for the child to feel comfortable. The quicker you get full time in position the quicker they transition. Not always unfortunately. That's the frustration, the children are all so different and you don't know how long it will take you have to keep trying and keep talking to the parents.

If the parents are hovering and picking up the child at every whimper you have to ask them gently if they can encourage their child to play a little more independently, be a little patient before they get their cuddles. We've all been through this again and again. It takes patience and I make sure I have a great working rapport with the parents from the interview stage so I know we can work together. It's really important.

I give them a month. If they aren't transitioned or mostly transitioned by the end of a month's time then I have to seriously consider termination.

I find that kids are actually harder to transition now (12 mth olds). I find most kids are terribly coddled these days. They are never left alone to play or explore. They are run to for every whimper both when they are awake and in bed. And then they get dropped off into a group care situation and can not cope without one-on-one literal attachment.

I have been in the business of daycare for a long time and there is a huge difference in kids since the days when I started and now. It used to be that kids came in and were relatively happy right off the bat and played well, slept well, ate well. Now kids come and scream endlessly for weeks, everyone has a special dietary need :rolleyes: and none of the kids know how to go down to nap and self-soothe to sleep and STAY asleep without someone running in to respond to every whimper.

I have absolutely NO patience for parents who do not make their kids "daycare ready". And every single child I have ever accepted into care had a parent who was TOLD what to do and how to do it to make it easier on their child. But, alas, most parents don't do what is required, their child struggles and then they end up terminated.

It would be SO much easier if parents would stop coddling their kids and realize that kids as young as 12 months old are capable of some independence and not needing a parent up in their face 24/7. I really abhor this current philosophy of parenting.

Thank you for the replies everyone. Thankfully, I have a pretty good rapport with the parents and I have been communicating pretty openly with them...trying to be positive & encouraging about what needs to be done. I had told them when they signed on (the baby was 5 months old at the time) what I would like them to do to help her for when she starts daycare, but I don't think they did any of it and now we are all paying the price - the child being the one it is hardest on. :(
They tell me they are trying to not pick her up as much and trying to get her to learn to be able to play interdependently at home, so hopefully in time things will improve. I suspect that the baby has never gone to sleep on her own. :(
This whole situation just sucks. Like I said, I have never experienced a child like this. And the mom is a sweetheart, but her anxiety is almost tangible! I can feel it radiating from her. It is just so exhausting and my other dc kids are being so patient and kind, but I feel like I am giving them a lower quality of care than they deserve. :( Arrrrgh! Hopefully this gets better soon!

It is tough and this child sounds clingy for sure.
I would try to stretch out some time for her to be independent and not get picked up and carried even if she cries. It sounds like you are trying to teach her that you will not respond to every single cry. The parents are probably feeling guilty at this point for putting her into daycare and probably coddle her even more in the evenings. It may just be up to you to teach her that home vs daycare expectations are different.

Most kids start understanding that they are expected to play/explore on their own and you just stay a couple of feet away. It is a matter of how soon the child realizes that they are safe, that they can have fun and that mom/dad will come back at the end of the day.

I had a 10 month old boy I transitioned in the summer and he was MONTHS of wanting to be carried, crying when I went to the bathroom or wasn't in sight, crying at nap, crying to be picked up etc. He is now 17 months and just FINALLY found his groove about 2 months ago. My own family (kids/Husband) was telling me to terminate him for months and months because he was so high maintenance but I didn't because I knew his mom. It was the worst transition ever. I did the same transitioning methods I always did with other kids and which seemed to work but this fellow almost killed me. I was getting grey hair on a daily basis.

Even to this day he will turn on the loudest waterworks if I say "no" to him for something or if he wants to do something and I pull him away or say he can't. I think it is just his personality to be all about drama and be all or nothing. He has no ounce of zen in his little body. LOL

:no: I feel your pain.
Hopefully your girl just needs a couple of weeks. I can imagine it is a really tough time for you every day and stressful on the group though

I am a bit different .... I don't carry the daycare kids ... At all.... The two youngest that I have are 30 lbs each at 12 and 16 months respectively.... I would have serious back problems if I carried these kids around.... I sit on the floor and they can sit on my lap or beside me but they have to learn to play by them selves and carrying a child around doesn't promote that .... The last child I transitioned in nov shrieked as soon as I took my eyes off him.... I could be standing in front of him but if I looked at another child he lost his noodle.... Well too bad .... He was not going to get all the attention as I had 4 other kids. It lasted about 2 weeks and all of a sudden it was like a switch went off and now he's perfectly happy. This child came to me at 10.5 months and could only sit ( if you put him in a sitting position) and stand (again if you stood him next to something).... He could not crawl or roll over...so I put him in the middle of the room and put toys close but out if reach and if he wanted them he had to go get them. ...... He now speed crawls..... He can roll over and just this past week he mastered going from a standing position down to crawling because up till now if he pulled him self up at the couch or the play kitchen or some other toy he stood there till you helped him down .... So i worked hard at showing him how to do it himself ..... But if I was carrying him around all the time he wouldn't have mastered half of this stuff..... You have to put them on the floor and let them figure it out and be in control of their own happiness .... The sooner you leave them be and tune them out the sooner they stop .... Coddling doesn't help

I can't imagine how hard this has been for you. I have no advice, but reading these posts has made me realize how wrong I used to be...I did the whole attachment parenting with my kids, and I am pretty sure they would have had a very difficult time had they been put in daycare. Now as a daycare provider I also agree that too many kids are coddled these days. It amazes me how little parents prepare their kids for daycare, and how difficult this ends up being on everyone...