Free time

So I find that for the most part free time goes over fairly well. They of course have short attention spans and move to a different activity every couple of minutes which drives me crazy (especially if it is something that I need to get fro them e.g. board games). I am finding that they do alot better with structured activities get a long better etc. How do I transfer these skills over to free play so I don't always have to "manage their play?" Will this just come with time?

I also find that the dynamic changes drastically when the 6 y o b&a child is here. There is a lot of tattling, yelling, blaming and generally just not as relaxed feeling. He and I chatted yesterday and he is agreeable/wants to do the crafts the kids do during the day so I said I could set some aside for when he comes. He is also getting tested for Aspergers and I see a lot of this being what is making things more difficult e.g. misinterpretation of social events (he screamed at my daughter for "punching him in the face" when their heads actually collided when they were playing near each other), everything is done to him "on purpose," he gets into his own world and will ignore me, the other children, needs a lot of redirection.

Any advice?

I don't have any experience with Apsergers, so no advice there, but for the free play, it will take some time and input from you. When they are doing free play, try to position yourself so that you can see everyone and be ready to jump in if in need be, but you are not actually participating in the free play. That way you can step in quickly when an issue arises and teach them how to play nicely together. My guys do really well with freeplay for the most part, but I am always there to help them learn appropriate strategies etc. I find they play best when I am busy doing something else...so maybe if you pretend to be busy doing something, but actually watch them (since they are having problems) it could help?

Separate out what is for freeplay and what is for grouptime when you are there to help such as games. Freeplay here means you choose from whatever I have put out (down on the playtable etc.) for you to use. The rule is you play and I am free to play doing what I want too and it isn't playing with them. Then when our freeplay is done we have time to play together and that is when puzzles, board games, things with small parts are brought down and they are done in a controlled environment on the table, on a mat, tray, etc. I am right there to supervise, help and insist they be put away before moving to the next activity. These things are usually used while babies are napping.

You might also want to eliminate any toys when the older one is there that involves or leads to a lot of confusion/movement as that may be setting him off. Again this would be a good time to have them doing their own game on their own tray in their own space and making sure there are large areas of open space by moving larger items away when the whole group is there.

I had a 10 year old B/A school last year who has Apsergers. His reactions were similar to what you described. A little bump from someone was exaggerated into something more. You could not startle him or sneak up behind him. It upset him greatly. He was a sweet boy but I had to term as he was getting more and more upset by my daycare crew. He would complain about the noise (my crew has learned about inside voices...but sometimes being toddlers and preschoolers..it can sound like...well..a daycare :) he would get upset if one of my dck's sat to close to him. He was always "bored".

His mom wanted him to stay as it was a great location (his school was across the street) however, I felt he would do better in an environment with kids his own age. Coupled with the fact that we weren't a good fit for him. The kids made him nervous and he always wanted his own space (my den that doubles as a secondary play and music room).I hope she found a great afterschool program for him.

I avoid school aged children so I don't have those issues since my cutoff is JK so I can't help you there. But I do spend my time on inside days running around behind the little ones moving the books back where they should be and the cars over there and the blocks over here, etc. However, I also ask the children to clean up when it gets out of control and give each one a job, one to pick up all the dishes and put them in the shopping cart, one to pick up all the dolls and blankets and put them in the doll buggy, one to put all the cars in the parking garage and so on. It's like a scavenger hunt for them.

One of my tricks is to sit them all at my dining room table in their booster chairs, give one scissors and paper, one has markers and paper, one has pompoms and an ice cube tray and chopsticks, one has a puzzle, one has a big ziplock bag with paint and oil inside, etc. Then after 10 minutes they all switch. They think it's fun when the beeper sounds after 10 minutes and this can use up an hour so quickly with all of them sitting still!