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Hi ladies,
I have a 17 month old who is very demanding, he has tanturms latley when he doesn't get his own way. He is getting really fussy at meal times and he throws his food if it's not what he wants.. If i say "no please" to him he just does it more! He is too young for time outs what else can I do that will register.
Sue
I kiow it's normal, just having a bad day!:( He is testing his boundaries and trying to be indepenant like the bigger kids and he gets frustrated. I have been putting him in a play pen when he gets too repetative with doing things he shouldn't! For now that needs to be his time out spot!Quote:
Originally Posted by Skysue
I tend to ignore tantrums at this age and redirect as much as possible to a more appropriate behaviour. You could try distracting him by singing a song or something if it is at mealtime. I have a little one who threw a lot of fits for the first two months she was with me (15-17 months), but I ignored the tantrums wherever possible or put her somewhere safe when need be and continued to ignore and now she is really good most of the time (she's now 20 months).
I find a lot of talking works at this stage because they are testing, they are trying to be sure they are seen, heard, dealt with and not forgotten. But it takes that stern don't mess with me kind of voice to get your point across. Watch him like a hawk and then be ready to step in before he completes his tantrum such as when he picks up a dish to toss it, grab the dish and roughly place it back in front of him so he can see it where it was before he picked it up and say in that voice "I don't care what you want and don't want. This is what we are having for lunch today. If you don't want to eat fine that is your choice but we do not throw our plates." Then remove the plate to the counter where he can still see that his meal exists. Ignore the tantrum that comes next unless he is about to hurt someone because that is just a reaction to finally being called up on the carpet for the first infraction. Deal with one issue at a time or you will be on his case all day. Pick the things that bug you the most and deal with those. By the process of elimination you will eventualy get to them all. What it really is though he will come to realize that you are the authority and he is expected to tow the line. Once he does you won't have to deal with the minor issues as they will take care of themselves. I use phrases like "this is my house and I do not have to let you do ....(that)". I find I need to be authoritarian without being the bully as in everything must become black and white and no waffling. Once he learns his perameters hopefully he will settle down. Giving options, being nice, treading carefully around him can actually make things worse because it doesn't give him the chance to draw that line in the sand that he can't cross. he is looking for a framework to his life. He is not too young to be expected to obey the rules.
He's really pushing it bust starting to understand I mean business! LOL Hopefully this stage won't last too long!Quote:
Originally Posted by playfelt
Have to agree! No room here for wishy-washy, soft-voiced encouraging words. If he is consistently testing you, then you need to be consistently firm with him. "NO, we do not throw plates/food/toys, etc". And then take it away if it happens again.
On the other hand, give him recognition when he IS behaving the way you want him to. He is not too young to understand his boundaries, and he is also not too young to understand praise when it is given. I have a little guy who is VERY rough when he plays. Not necessarily aggressive (although he can get there!) but rammy-shovey and sort of destructive. So when is playing properly, I make a fair fuss over "Good job, B! Nice and gentle with the toys, so they don't get broken! Good work cleaning up!! (He's a toy-dumper)" and so on.
Patience, consistency and redirection are your most valuable tools, I think! :) Good luck.