Parenting Advice For A First Time Mom

Hi Ladies :)

Another question for you!

I have a little boy he is turning 2 July 28. He's usually a very happy guy, but I've
noticed some changes and need some opions of others moms in what to do.

When he throws a tantrums what's the best thing to do.
Lately I've just been giving him what he wants, but that dosent seem right.

He's constantly getting out of his chair and getting stuff from the fridge even though I have child proofed it.

I'm not sure, how others deal with this behavior, are timeouts in order, I've been trying to get him to use his words more but he dosent quite get that I'll say do you want juice snack ect and hel repeat it.

Just wanting some opions from some other mommies :)

Ahhh, he's heading into his 'terrible twos'. My nephew, who's in my daycare, is turning 2 next month and his mom is seeing lots of the same behaviours. Kids this age are starting to gain more autonomy. You're likely going to start hearing the word NO a lot in the not too distant future (big power word for the little guys). He wants more decision making power, independence and is honing his skills at pushing your buttons. He's trying to figure out how to get what he wants, when he wants it. Now you just have to step in and guide him in the right direction.

While it's easier to quiet him by giving him what he wants, you're setting yourself up for lots of problems later on. We've all seen those kids who we view as 'spoiled' and (I hate to use the term) bratty. He's not likely to grow out of this and he's learning from you that if he kicks up a fuss, he'll get what he wants. This will definitely escalate. I'd be more inclined to ignore his tantrum. So long as it's not destructive to himself, others or the environment around him, the less of an audience he has, the better. If he ups the anty by breaking things or becoming physical, then it's time for a break in his crib/bed or perhaps a time out. But definitely, positively DO NOT give in to this behaviour.....ever. Perhaps if he comes to you with a request and asks for it in a positive manner (provided the request is reasonable), then you could give him that and praise him for asking in such a nice way. If he pulls a tantrum in a store (it's awful and we've all been there), the shopping trip is over. At least that's the way I did it with my kids. I've had to leave a store or 2 with a kicking screaming toddler/preschooler under my arm like a football. Our in store tantrums were very, very short lived.

If going into the fridge is against your household rules, then it's unacceptable that he's doing that. I didn't allow it with my children when they were young either. My daycare children have all tried it, but quickly learned that it's not ok and don't go for it any more. Be firm, pull him away from the fridge and explain that it is not ok to go into it. If he does that little screaming thing, kicking, hitting and acts defiant when you tell him no and try to remove him, then it's time for a time out. Otherwise, just keep repeating the whole process till he gets it. And do keep asking him if he wants juice, snack, etc. That's good that he's repeating it.....soon enough he'll start to ask you without the prompts.

I hope this helps. These are things I did with my own kids and continue with my daycare children. If I can keep a room with 5 toddlers under control, I figure it must work. Good luck!!!

Cfred had some very excellent advice and I agree with her on everything she had to say. DO NOT give in to tantrums...EVER! If you do it even once, you will be rewarded with many more tantrums since your son has figured out that they work to get what he wants and to get your attention. Giving choices works really well at this age as well, but make sure the choices are both equally okay options. For example, "Do you want milk or water?" instead of "What do you want?" or "Are you going to sit nicely in your seat or do we need to buckle you in to help you sit?" I do this with my own daughter who is almost three and sometimes has a hard time sittting still at the table (booster seat with buckles is a must!). Lots of positive reinforcement helps a lot as well. Praise him up and down when he does anything positive as he will want to do more of that to get that attention. And ignore the tantrums as Cfred said, or let him go have a rest in his bed to calm down if he is too worked up (I have done this with my kids and sometimes they will send themselves to bed to calm down now). Good luck! Stay calm, consistent and strong and this will pass.

Agreed. NEVER give into tantrums. I tell parents that there should never be any kind of reward for screaming and crying - no hugs and kisses and coddling, just apply all the rules and teach the children that when you say something you mean it. And use a stern voice to teach the children when they are misbehaving.

You teach them by being consistent and never caving in, always following through with exactly what you said would happen for bad behaviour. You also have to reward and praise good behaviour. I have had children who I put into bed or a quiet place with instructions for them to calm themselves, breathe and we have a talk about what happened before the child can rejoin the group.

Yeah, I completely agree that mother never should give into tantrums. But sometimes it is easier to say than to do :(

Hi Brooke91,

Sorry to hear your having some difficulties with tantrums. It can be quite tough.

The best advice I can give you is to stay involved and connected in your child's life. Listen, communicate and most importantly set limits as well as provide consistency. Dealing with tough behaviour is a learning process which may take lots of time and repetition.

An article I wrote that might be of some help or guidance. Hope the advice from a fellow mom and daycare teacher helps!

My daughter had a very bad stretch when she turned 2. Tantrums were not acceptable and she was immediately sent to her room. She could only come out when she quit crying and was willing to do what she was told to do or follow the rule I had given her. There was a lot of screaming, crying and trying to come out. I just kept putting her back in there and shutting the door, when she was ready to cooperate and behave then she could come back out. She quickly learned to just go to her room when I told her to so that she could calm down.

Also not sure on your views on spanking but that was something that worked for my daughter as time-outs didn't phase her at all.

Be consistent always. Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you curb this behaviour when they are 2 it will make things easier later on.