Parent of a 1 yr old having trouble transitioning to daycare

Hello everyone! Just looking for some advice. I'm a parent of a 1yr old who just went through her first week of transitioning to a daycare. To make a long story short, it went horribly. My daughter screamed the entire time she was there (she went on Tuesday for 1hr, Wednesday for 1.5hr and on Friday for 3hrs). I am actually quite surprised about her reaction to daycare, as we did a tonne of programs when I was on maternity leave, and most of the time she would take off and play with the other kids and could care less if I was there. I have absolutely no concerns with the daycare provider - she's been great considering what she has had to endure LOL! Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions for making her transition a little easier (I already send her with two blankies from home and I'm going to try sending her favourite DVD to the daycare on Tuesday). Also, I want to get the daycare lady a little something to thank you for having to deal with my SCREAMING daughter last week! Any ideas on what I should get her (just something small)

Thanks!

Hi there! The little gal's only a week in. I wouldn't worry about it too much at his point. Transition is different for all kids and I'm sure your provider is well versed with this if she's been in the biz for some time. I'm pretty good at 'pushing through' transition, as much as I (to be totally truthful), hate it. I know the process is short lived and a necessary evil. Kids take varying amounts of time adjusting. The worst I had took 3 mos....it was a little slice of hell, but we got through it :)

The fact that your daughter was fine at programs with you doesn't surprise me, nor does it surprise me that she couldn't have been bothered that you were there. However, I'm betting if you think back, she probably took a little time to leave your side? Kids will often move away from a parent a short distance, come back and check in. The distance will become greater as the child feels safer and sees that your response to the situation is favourable, but they always make their way back to 'check in'. This is called anchoring. She can't do this when you're not at daycare so she's very much aware that you're not there as her guage for the situation or as her safety net. The bond with the provider needs to be developed more so your baby looks to her for the security she would typically seek from you. This takes time and effort, but it will happen. It will be more likely to happen once your child is there for full days when your provider has a good stretch of time to really chip away at the process. At least that's been my experience.

One thing I do is try to find that special 'thing' that will bond me to a new child. With my latest 6 mos old, it was kissing her palms while she bottle fed. With a 1 year boy is was sharing my chocolate/banana smoothie with him. With another, it was blowing raspberries on his tummy during diaper changes. Every kid is different, but there's always 'something' that really blows their hair back and lets the provider in the door. Once she knows what that 'thing' is for your child, it'll be like a switch being flipped....bond established.

Often, providers are just happy to hear a client offer praise and acknowledgement of our efforts. These little guys are a LOT of work and we all put a tremendous amount of care into each child. Very often, clients don't realize and it goes unnoticed. A heartfelt thank you is often all that is needed. However, if you really want to get her something for dealing with the screaming......

wine ;)

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Originally Posted by Mommyof1

Hello everyone! Just looking for some advice. I'm a parent of a 1yr old who just went through her first week of transitioning to a daycare. To make a long story short, it went horribly. My daughter screamed the entire time she was there (she went on Tuesday for 1hr, Wednesday for 1.5hr and on Friday for 3hrs). I am actually quite surprised about her reaction to daycare, as we did a tonne of programs when I was on maternity leave, and most of the time she would take off and play with the other kids and could care less if I was there. I have absolutely no concerns with the daycare provider - she's been great considering what she has had to endure LOL! Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions for making her transition a little easier (I already send her with two blankies from home and I'm going to try sending her favourite DVD to the daycare on Tuesday). Also, I want to get the daycare lady a little something to thank you for having to deal with my SCREAMING daughter last week! Any ideas on what I should get her (just something small)

Thanks!

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Over my 17 years I have tried many different way to transition kids into my daycare and to be honest, the best way I have found is to start full time right away. I find the one hour here and there just doesnt work. Its best to get the kids started into the routine right away. Nothing works perfect for every child but in my experience jumping right in works best. As for getting something for your provider, maybe just bring a coffee or tea and a muffin or croissant in the morning for her to "help" her get through the rough patches. My most valued gifts from clients are the cards that are given that express their apreciation for my hard work.

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Originally Posted by gramma

Over my 17 years I have tried many different way to transition kids into my daycare and to be honest, the best way I have found is to start full time right away. I find the one hour here and there just doesnt work. Its best to get the kids started into the routine right away. Nothing works perfect for every child but in my experience jumping right in works best. As for getting something for your provider, maybe just bring a coffee or tea and a muffin or croissant in the morning for her to "help" her get through the rough patches. My most valued gifts from clients are the cards that are given that express their apreciation for my hard work.

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I was going to say that, too. A coffee or tea at drop off would be perfect. It's a little thing, but it shows that you appreciate her efforts. I would be very happy with this gesture.

The ladies have already given you great advice, but I just wanted to add that you should make sure to make drop-offs short and sweet and don't let your child see that you are concerned, worried, or stressed. The more confidence you exhibit, the more your child will feel secure. All kids are different and some take longer than others to settle in to their new lives at daycare. I recently had a little guy take 4 weeks to adjust (the first three weeks he cried almost all day every day...poor little guy). His parents, like you, had not anticipated any problems as he always seemed easy-going, but he took us by surprise. He has now been with me for 7 months and he is doing great :) If after a month you don't see significant improvement though, then I would begin to wonder if it is just not a good match in terms of her personality and the daycare provider/other kids. More than likely though, you will not even get that far and she will be doing well after a couple of weeks. Hang in there!

I have also discovered that the quicker children become full-time the quicker they become happy at daycare. It's important for the parents to be comfortable and stress-free at dropoff and pickup time so the baby doesn't pick up on the stress they feel. That's difficult and it takes time to trust a new caregiver, but hopefully you do trust her and have done your homework to make sure you have a good match for your parenting philosophies and personalities as the other ladies mentioned.

I've had children take 2-3 months before they stop crying and feel at ease at daycare but the more the parents are preparing their child for daycare the better. I've also had lots of children who were happy from the very first day because their parents prepared their children for daycare and listened to my advice before they even started. Please make sure you keep your routines as consistent and as close to the daycare routines as possible so your child learns how the day progresses. Consistency between home and daycare is key and the child's little body knows what to expect next, play, then meals, then naps, it's healthy for the little ones to stick to the routines.

Yup full time is the best way .... And I agree a coffee or tea is perfect.

Thanks Ladies!!! After reading all your posts, my daycare lady and I thought it was best to just put her in full time this week (Unfortunately due to the daycare lady's daughter being sick she was closed Monday and Tuesday). So today I dropped her off at 9am, and won't pick her up again until 4pm. I was happy when dropping her off (I usually am....I like our daycare lady, so I don't have any reservations about leaving her there). I even shared with the daycare lady that my DD new favourite thing is Thomas the train and making fish faces...hopefully that'll help distract her! LOL Thanks again ladies!

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Originally Posted by gramma

Over my 17 years I have tried many different way to transition kids into my daycare and to be honest, the best way I have found is to start full time right away. I find the one hour here and there just doesnt work. Its best to get the kids started into the routine right away.

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I agree. The easiest transitions work with the cold turkey approach.

OP.....make sure you are on board with using the same techniques your provider uses with regard to parenting. It makes it less of a transition from home to daycare.

Personally, I think you should just drop your daughter off in the morning and let her stay whole days. I bet by this time next week she will be crying a whole lot less if you do that.