Late Potty Learning - Need Experienced Advice

I have a dcg who is 4.5 years old. She is going to be starting JK in the fall, but until then, she's here full time M-F with me. She comes in underwear, but she is NOT potty trained by any means. No mention of this was made before they started with me two months ago.

After two months of accidents almost daily, I am done. I can't effectively clean her up, because that entails a)invading the body privacy of a 4 year old little girl and b)I would have to be in the bathroom with her for at least ten mins to effectively clean her up, and I have three toddlers here. No can do. It's just not safe.

Also, my play room area rug has been ruined by a feces leak. :(

I have decided to insist on her being in pullups until such a time that she is accident free for two weeks. Is this reasonable? Her parents sent me a pack when I complained, but she comes every morning in underwear. Her dad seemed concerned that she was in a pullup when he picked her up yesterday.

What do you think, oh wise ones? Am I doing the right thing here?

I would do the same thing! I am not sure exactly what you meant by invading her body privacy as you will still need to change her pull-ups if she has accidents in them, but I certainly understand that cleaning up poop from underwear wearing kids is waaaaayyy harder and messier! And you should not have to worry about your floors, furniture, etc. Is the school going to take her in September if she is not trained? In JK they actally CANNOT help a child change or clean them up if they have an accident...they are not even allowed to go into the bathroom with the child. I would mention this to the parents to put some pressure on them!

You have lasted longer then I would have. After the first accident I would have told the parents that she has to be in pull up or no care for the day. I have a 20 day (daycare days) accident free rule. I also have a rule that if the parent sends the kid in underwear with out my write consent (you don't always get to check at drop off) then they are responsible for 100% of the reimbursement cost of every item/rug/furniture etc the pee or poo touches.

You have to protect your home and every ones health. Put your foot down on this one.

the school has the right to refuse her if she is not trained.

I would absolutely insist on the pull ups or some kind of containment until she is accident free for at least 2 weeks (1 month is better)
I had a DCB come to a centre care I worked at who was 4.5 years old and still in pull ups. After a month of this I talked to the owners and said I am DONE. IF he poops one more time in his pull up he is changing and cleaning himself.
I gave him the directions and handed him the wipes. He only did it twice and figured out pretty fast that it wasn't that fun to be stuck in the bathroom for 20 minutes while the other kids played. He pooped on the toilet after that :thumbsup:

Hey Trace...maybe I will try this with my daughter who is almost three and refuses to poop on the toilet! She is pretty independent though and might actually like that..LOL.

She cleans herself up after a poop accident. I will not touch her. She's too old for me to be touching her genitals, imo. She is very private, and I can't in good conscience step over that line. I am not comfortable with it, and she isn't either. The first time it happened, I put her in my shower. I just don't have time to do it, and I know she doesn't do a good job, but I don't know what else to do.

LOL Sunnydays good luck and let me know how it goes!!!!!!!:D

When I was nannying, I had a little girl who was over 4 as well, who was mostly trained, and fully capable, but still had many accidents, even after/especially after, beginning school. The teacher was not amused, nor was I, but parents were way too coddling with this child. She was also very resistant to authority, etc, and I finally had to sit them down and call a spade a spade, and let them know I was prepared to resign if they were not willing to get serious about some discipline. I suggested that the child was using these accidents as a way of acting out and "being in control", because she was having a lot less control since I had come on the scene, and also since she had started school. They wanted to try rewarding her for good days first... fine... it had little success. They finally agreed to do it my way... No coddling, no stroking her saying, "It's ok, I know you're trying your best" (because she wasn't)... and implementing loss of privileges (big ones, in her currency), and that is when we had success.

I get what you're saying. I have never cared for a child this old as I don't do school care, so I would likely feel the same way. And you are following the same policy the school will...so it makes sense.

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Originally Posted by Sandbox Sally

She cleans herself up after a poop accident. I will not touch her. She's too old for me to be touching her genitals, imo. She is very private, and I can't in good conscience step over that line. I am not comfortable with it, and she isn't either. The first time it happened, I put her in my shower. I just don't have time to do it, and I know she doesn't do a good job, but I don't know what else to do.

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