Dcb not responding

So... This ended up being super long... Big thanks to anyone who makes it through the whole thing!

I've had a dck here for about 4 months. He just turned 3, though mom says he's "always been 6 months behind in development" (no explanation, other than he wasn't a preemie). Hes an only child, and was in a dayhome prior to coming here, but I not know much about the programming/children there.


There's a few things I've been dealing with here that concern me:

He's been here 4 months and still needs constant direction when cleaning up. Both in directing him to the items that need to be picked up, and where they go (he won't scan the floor for things, and needs directions of where to put them EVERY TIME - I have bins for toys that are labelled). Additionally concerning is that he generally only played with trains/cars, which go in the same bin under the train table - so it's not like I'm expecting him to find one bin in a whole shelf of bins.

He has very little play skills. He will "share" with other kids occasionally by giving thm a toy he no longer wants, but without indication that said child wants the toy at all. If another child is playing with a toy he wants, he will try to grab it, when that's unsuccessful (which it usually is - he isn't the biggest or strongest) he will tell me "s/he's not sharing with me." No attempt to ask the other child for a turn. I've been telling him "part of sharing is waiting" and coaching him to ask for turns. Also rewarding his waiting by giving him the toy when it's next available.

He hits, pushes, pulls other kids. A lot of the time he's trying to engage them (see lack of play skills), or he thinks he's defending himself from having a toy stolen. When he hits he's immediately sent to the stairs for a "break" and we talk about it after. Both that hitting hurts, I remind him how it feels when that happens to him and give him an alternative behaviour.

He ALWAYS thinks the other kids are trying to steal his toys. He will scream at them or push them away when they come near him. He also thinks the toys are his "property" long after he's done and moved on. Cue hitting and screaming for that too. My favourite.


The issues aren't huge, but what concerns me is that it's still happening. I'm very consistent with my consequences, always use the same language and such. It's like he remembers things for 5 mins, and after that its gone.

Does anyone have any suggestions for a child like this? Any other strategies that you've found worked well?

Where was he before he joined you, at home, centre care, another home daycare? If you ask the parents about his background and where he learned these behaviours you will have a starting point. Find out what triggers the bad behaviour, get his parents on board so that you are all using the same consequences so he learns that there is no other option besides behaving properly.

You are doing the right thing, consistent and nonstop. It's exhausting but the children do eventually get it if you never cave, but the parents MUST be helping and understand how important it is for the sake of their son. They don't want to raise a hooligan, do they?