Any suggestions??? DCK protesting/crying a lot, odd reaction to mom

Hi everyone! I have a 16 month old day care boy who screams hysterically every time the doorbell rings. He also wimpers and cries when his Mom pics him up. At drop off he is super excited to come in and holds out his arms for me to take him from Mom. I have an open concept playroom/ kitchen divided by a gate. As soon as I step over the gate ( he can see me anywhere) he cries. He even cries when I let a 3 year old out the gate to use the washroom. Does this seem excessive to anyone else? Any ideas on how to handle this? Thanks ladies!!!

How long has he been in your care? My DC kids only asted this clingy when they are getting sick. It's weird that at this age he's not excited to see his Mom?

Kids dissolving into tears when they are being picked up is a form of release and is a sign of separation anxiety. They are so overwhelmed to finally being seeing mom again that they can not contain themselves and the emotions overflow. Opening the gate, the doorbell ringing, moving to one area over another are all things he associates with mom coming. If you go over the gate you are gone as in he is separated from you by the gate. The good news is that the phase tends to pass fairly quickly. Treat it matter of factly, talk to him from the other side to let him know you are still there, ignore his protests and just assume he has the inner capacity to cope - he is totally lacking in confidence. Unlike most recommendations I would not make any comments to him, special contacts etc when he is coping and not needing you. All that does is remind him that he might have options if he protests. Has this been going on as long as he has been with you or is this recent. Ask the mom if they have recently put up barriers at home such as blocking off access to the kitchen or a gate at his room door in case he gets out of bed. He just needs to learn that he is ok and is a separate entity from his mom or other adult. keep your head up, avoid unnecessary eye to eye contact with the child and just treat him like he isn't putting up a fuss but give as much extra attention without it looking like you are if that makes sense. He needs to know that at least you aren't going to go away and leave him like him mom did.

Yup, agree with playfelt. He may be a super-emotional child, who just needs to work through this. Don't give too much attention other than using a positive voice to talk him through. If you're going over the gate to go to the washroom, just say in a kindly but matter-of-fact voice "I will be back in a minute, (name). You're okay."
I would guess that this, too, will pass. He seems to enjoy coming to your place, if he's reaching for you in the morning!

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Originally Posted by Katskids

Hi everyone! I have a 16 month old day care boy who screams hysterically every time the doorbell rings. He also wimpers and cries when his Mom pics him up. At drop off he is super excited to come in and holds out his arms for me to take him from Mom. I have an open concept playroom/ kitchen divided by a gate. As soon as I step over the gate ( he can see me anywhere) he cries. He even cries when I let a 3 year old out the gate to use the washroom. Does this seem excessive to anyone else? Any ideas on how to handle this? Thanks ladies!!!

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I have had the very same thing happen to me. I totally agree with Playfelt...definitel y separation anxiety. The release when Mom arrives as well as the anxiety when anyone leaves the room (worried that they are also 'leaving'). Some children are not as prepared for daycare as others and subsequently do not know how to react in certain situations. Usually this phase only lasts a few weeks. In my case, it went on for over 2 months and I had to ask the family to find alternate care as the child upset the other children and the other parents were voicing their concern. Good luck...it's bound to get better. :)

Thanks everyone....that's pretty much what I thought, but he has been here for more than 3 months! He is actually really happy here....and i'm like chopped liver when he's busy playing ha ha! He is really 'babied' at home which I'm sure doesn't help!

I have a 22 month old who is like this too. He's been with me for three months as well and still cries when I go out of his sight for a moment and often cries briefly at drop-off and pick-up. He has separation anxiety and clings to his mom a lot at home too, so it is not out of character for him. He has fun while with me and is a very happy kid, but just needs to be nearby all the time (he follows me into the bathroom when I take diapers in there etc.). I encourage him to go and play rather than hanging around me at the park etc, and usually he will, but at least I know he won't run off...looking on the bright side! I figure he will outgrow it eventually, but is is part of his personality.

Many children go through a period of crying when you are out of sight at 9 months, 12 months, and 18 months. There is a developmental connection of some sort. Part of them learning they are separate from the adult in charge. It is about self-esteem and confidence and a babied child is basically being told you are not capable of existing without me or another adult to constantly be with you.