Feel Like I am Walking On Egg Shells

Hi Everyone, I am new to this forums, and have really found this one to be very helpful, so heres hoping you lovely ladies have some advise for me :) I am new to running a dayhome (only about 2 months so far), everything is going great, and I seem to be working out most of the bugs as I go, but there is one issue I need help with. I have one mother who just makes me feel like I am walking on eggshells, like if I say or do anything in away she wouldnt do it, she will pull her child. She is a first time older mom and she was very nervous about putting her child in daycare. She told me that her and her husband had one dayhome lined up, and they went back for a second interview to sign forms, and the daycare provider was letting her 3 year old and 11 year old play outside alone together, so they decided not to go with that one. Then they had another one lined up, and something went wrong again at the 2nd interview. Needless to say I was very nervous for my second interview as well lol. Everything went great and I seemed to get along well with both parents (they even told me they had interviewd 5 other dayhomes before deciding to go with me). However the mom just doesnt seem comfortable, like she doubts my abilities, or that her daughter should come. She is surprised at the number of kids I have (I have 6, 2 of that 6 are my own, and 4 are full timers, which is allowed in alberta), she has asked me how i could possibly feed them all, how i nap them, she doesnt understand how her daughter who is 9 months could participate in any crafts, and the latest thing is that she doesnt want her child playing with any toys recommended for a child older then 9 months (which is understandable, but if fisher price little people, are for 1+, and there is nothing on them that could be dangerous to her) She hasn't said anything to me about pulling her, but at the end of the day, I feel sort of bad about myself, I want parents to be happy with their service, not questioning everything I do. Her daughter has only been with me for about 6 weeks, and for the most part has adjusted well, so basically what I am asking is will the mom adjust? Will she learn to be more comfortable with me and not be so apprehensive? Is there light at the end of the tunnel? :)

I find with the micro-managers and parents who lack trust you just have to be assertive and upfront with them. If I had a parent like this I would simply tell them, point blank, but politely, that they NEED to trust me and my knowledge as a caretaker or we can not continue our relationship.

Typically, that is all that needs to be said. If you are open and honest then the parents will know then that they make you feel uncomfortable.

If they don't stop after you have been upfront with them then it is time to move on with another family.

She had a problem with her 3 year old and 11 year old playing outside in her own yard together? Really? I think that right there would send off some warning bells to me. I don't see anything wrong with that at all. I don't do well with micro mangers. She can't control things when her dd is with you. It's your business and you run/do things the way that works for you and your daycare. If she has a problem cutting those strings or wants to be the one to run the show then she either needs to stay home with her or hire a nanny that she can manage and tell how she wants things done. If she is making you uncomfortable then you need to have a talk with her and tell her she needs to trust your judgement and knowledge otherwise it's not going to work. If she has a problem with that then, like Judy said, it's time to move on to another family.

I got a visit today and my own kids were playing in the backyard, fenced, they are 3, 6 and 8. She had a 12 months old girl and she asked me how I could let them play outside alone! Would I let HER 12 months old outside alone...

So I had to tell her, as politely as I could, that there is a significant difference between leaving a 3, 5 and 8 years old alone in a fenced backyard, all windows opened, and leaving a 12 months old! There is absolutely no comparison.

She started smiling again. But I had to be firm.

I suggest you tell this mom upfront that this make you feel bad, that you understand her concerns, but that she can thrust you.

Sarah

I'm so sorry to hear you're have a micro-managing parent. Ugh! I've been in the business a long time and can usually spot them at the intake interview. That's what the waiting list is for. Honestly, a difficult client can make your life a misery. It's completely understandable that she's actively interested in her child's care. Her judgement regarding the one provider who allowed her 3 yr old to play outside with her 11 yr old is a bit off in my opinion. She knows her children and 11 is an appropriate age for siblings to babysit siblings (depending on the children). Just do your best to assure her that her child is in good hands, have artwork to show her at the end of the day, let her know different activities her child's been involved in and always stand your ground. If you let parents micro-manage, you'll be spending all your time just dealing with their demands rather than effectively running your program and enjoying the children. I always find it handy, with nervous parents, to take pictures of the kids during activities. "Oh, I got the cutest picture of your daughter playing with....during craft time....in the sandbox"....you get the idea. Actually seeing this often puts many fears to rest. Other than that, run your program, meet small demands, stand your ground and most importantly, enjoy your job! It's flattering for you if she's picked you over many other centres, but honestly, is it worth it if you're chasing your tail trying to satisfy her? There are other clients out there.

I think that if she's making you feel that way, it needs to be a bit of a "red flag". It seems like a discussion is in order that firmly, but gently reminds her that you are the caregiver and you would not allow her child to come to harm, but that she must learn to TRUST YOU. There is a reason she put her child into daycare, and that was her CHOICE. It is tough, but she must relinquish control of the minute details at this point.
As for her not agreeing with the kids being outside; she clearly has not been a mommy long enough to realize that, at some point, we cut the cord and allow our children some freedom. She will get there, hopefully. And I understand that she doesn't want her little one playing with tiny lego or scissors or some such thing.... but does she not realize it's just a guideline? I would just smile and nod at that one.
I think that if your approach this firmly, confidently and in an upfront manner, she will be okay. DO NOT let her walk all over you. If she continues to question everything; say to her "I get the feeling you are not completely confident in your child's care. Is there a reason for that?" And go from there. If she can't let it go.... let her go.

I agree with the other suggestions. When I first opened I had one of these and to be honest, it drained the energy out of me and sucked all the fun out of the daycare.
I was too shy to talk to her about it so I finally ended up letting her go (today I would handle this differently)
When she left, the fun came back and I was able to relax again.Since then I do not accept parents like this .
This mother used to spy on us through windows, sneak up on us while in the yard etc...
Anyways,I still see her now and then and she still has all the same worries with the new DCP even though she has had her daughter there for a couple years now.( She has been in 5 different daycares in 2.5 years):no: