5PM Criers

Does anyone have this issue?

end of the day comes, the doorbell rings, happy children run to the door to greet mommy or daddy. They hug and kiss and excitedly talk about something awesome that happened that day and say that they missed their parents. . . . then as soon as they start getting ready to leave, the tears begin, the arguing begins, babies start to scream and cry and carry on. WTF?

This is not all the children. Only one (every time) and another (once in a while). Last night I saw this with a temporary ward I had for a few days after her daycare provider hurt herself.

It makes me feel terrible for the parents who had a long day at work and just want to come pick up a HAPPY child and go home. I've called out the kids when they are doing this saying 'that's enough of that. Mommy was so excited to see you and hear all about your day. It's not fair that you see her and give her such a hard time after such a great day. Lets keep this great day going. So that's enough.' Sometimes it curbs the worst of it but sometimes it doesn't.

Anyone else get this?

To clear up the details
1) had a great day no tears
2) had a solid nap
3) had a solid lunch
4) no issues that could cause a child to snap or break down

Transitioning can be hard for children whether its between activities or getting ready to go home. These children get the warnings 10 min to mom, 5 minutes to mom, mom is on her way, mom is here! these children have no trouble transitioning between activities either (warning or not).

I just want mom to get a happy kid to take home instead of a miserable one who might completely unravel.

I think there are so many reasons why, but I think it's in large part dependent on the child's age and the stage of psychological social development they are in. Learning to make choices and be in control. They are happy to see mommy and/or daddy but if home time is not on their terms when they want it then they fuss. I have seen this happen a lot with kids so I now see it as a normal thing for some children where as others don't go through it at all. I don't think it has anything to do with a good day or a bad day and I honestly think that a firm response and consistent reinforcement that this behaviour is not acceptable in your house is all you can do and they will eventually snap out of it. Be sure to chat with the parents about while in your house you will enforce the rules to prevent the child playing you off against each other. My house, my rules is what my dcparents know and understand.

I currently have a 2 year old who I have had for well over a year and have just sent his older sibling off to JK after 3 years of care, so I am very familiar with both this little boy and his family. He kicks of big time at drop off time not wanting to come in and at pick up time goes nuts because he doesn't want to go home and kicks and hits his mum. We both are in agreance that this is all part of his terrible two stage. He will disagree with everything and answers no to everything just to be defiant and tries very hard to rule the roost by doing whatever he wants when he wants. Here he is honestly an absolute dream 90% of the time with the rare time when he tries his NO bs with me but he gets zero response. I have zero tolerance for his nonsense which he understands so just doesnt bother. I can do time outs all day buddy, just test me lol...At home mum does not discipline, period, I know this for sure as I am good friends with her and see this frequently. In fact the kids are wild and don't do as they are told. Here they are absolute gems. So, finally mum gets the drop off and pick up routine and when she drops of she puts him down and says goodbye and leaves. She does not entertain his mood and if that means he starts the day crying on the hallway floor then so be it. It's not the best start to the day but he is two and knows exactly what he is doing. He stops within seconds. At pick up if he starts, I deal with it and sometimes there can be a little awkwardness with mum but I don't care friend or not, he is not pulling that crap in my house. We have made some progress and Ill just continue to do this at pick up time but both mum and myself are clear that this is in no way a reflection of his day here. He loves to be here and is an awesome happy kid. Sometimes it is way more complex than we can comprehend, the whys of a toddlers behaviour and the way their brains work. I will just keep getting up tomorrow and do it all over again :)

I have one that behaves very well all day then as soon as mom comes through the door it's running in circles, won't get his shoes, completely goofy and thinks he's funny. And the listening... well... I simply tell all of my clients, my magic disappears as soon as a parent walks in the room.

I've had this happen numerous times and still do. I think a lot of children get away with a lot more with Mom and Dad than they do than they do with us. Once Mom and Dad walk in, they know they are tired and probably won't fight them on much, esp since they haven't seen them all day. Not many parents want to discipline their child the second they see them for the first time in 8-10 hours. I also find it true for really young kids because they are just having so much fun playing with their friends that they don't want to leave. It bothers me as well to know how well behaved a child can be all day but then once Mom or Dad walk in the door, this little monster comes out!!

I can totally relate to this thread from the parent side. Was hoping for some tips on this recently. My daughter is 22 months old and has recently (1 month ago) switched to center care from a home daycare setting. She had no issues with the transition and really seems to be thriving in the new daycare center. BUT, when I pick her up she is a monster. I hate to say it but she doesn't listen, runs away or throws a temper tantrum if I try to carry her out. Runs straight for the road knowing this is bad and when I run after her she laughs an evil laugh and goes limp when I try picking her up or flails about making it super difficult to carry her to the car. I was walking to pick her up for the first few weeks but the walk home was so brutal I don't bother most days anymore.

The daycare staff all tell me she is great, happy and listens all day, naps well, eats well, etc. My old home daycare provider told me the same. She was cranky previously for the first hour after pick up but nothing like this. Usually when we get home she starts to listen and behave better but from pick up to home is a nightmare.

We do discipline as much as possible for her age (I think). Use time outs when necessary, take away something she enjoys, talk to her about her behaviour and praise her good behaviour as much as possible. She is really smart and I know she knows exactly what she's doing. We are not pushovers or "soft" with her. She doesn't get her way by screaming, etc (never has). I am at a loss at times on what to do with her because she is so unruly during this time and almost all other times she is such a good girl.

I know terrible two's are a real problem and this is likely a phase (please please be a phase) but any suggestions you can provide would be much appreciated.

Thanks!

happymomma it sounds like you are doing all the right things. I would just add that when she misbehaves, don't argue with her, don't talk to her, hold her hand and walk, or if she is kicking and screaming scoop her up and put her in the car. Try to make minimal eye contact and do not talk to her to try and calm her down. This is attention seeking regardless of how much she wants to stay with her friends, so it is super important that you dont give her any beyond the firm face and No! I would be very consistent with disciplining her in that EVER SINGLE TIME she does this, I would stop her in her tracks and put my "I mean business face" on and tell her in a strong stern tone NO! Make sure you do not use lots of words and draw it out. Short and Sharp. Also don't be afraid to discipline her at the center. The staff will actually respect you for it. Time outs don't have to be exclusively for home. Many a time I have put my 2 year old dcb on a time out with his mother at my house.

Maybe try and have a discussion with the centre on how they could help with this. With the kids who understand, I start getting into a routine of getting them ready prior to their parents arrival and we go over unacceptable behaviors at pick up time and what the consequences will be if they misbehave. And then if she misbehaves it is essential to make sure you follow through on the consequences. If you could perhaps arrange a very specific time window within 5 minutes that you can pick up maybe they can get her ready like this and see if it helps.

It is a phase and I just think consistency will help her figure out that you aren't standing for her behavior and she will get through this phase I am sure. Good Luck