How do you terminate?

If you've ever had to terminate care, how have you done it? A written letter, verbally, some other way? How hard was it for you? Have you ever surprised anyone with termination or have parents pretty much known it was coming?

I'm curious as to how others have dealt with termination. I haven't had to do it yet and really dread the day I might have to, which could be sooner than later.

A little backstory - I've got a 16 mth old who's been with me for the past 4 1/2 months. He is an only child who I think seriously gets coddled at home. He is a whiner and needs constant attention. He never likes to be put down and basically wants a bottle all day. He doesn't sleep well or really eat that great. He screams and he's started throwing little fits. Basically he's a handful. Anyway, he is off on holidays and with him gone, this week has been so peaceful. I actually don't dread getting up in the morning and doing my job. It's so nice not to hear crying/whining all day and I'm actually still a happy person at the end of the day!! I honestly dread him coming back since I know he will be used to being home with mom and dad again and getting all the attention. If things don't shape up, I'm seriously thinking of terminating. I just feel bad since I think the mom has tried to form more of a friendship than a business type relationship. I don't want it to come unexpected to her. Ugh, one of the downfall of having a day home, or a business of your own. Can't always be the nice guy (or gal in this case!)

If you think the issues stem from how the child is being coddled at home then that is the fist place to start. Talk with the mom about the issues you are having and ask how she handles it at home or ask if the child acts like that at home. Such as what do you do when he asks for a bottle but it isn't snack time. Then if you start to get responses that show the child is getting his own way at home, etc. then you can address that as the reason he is reacting so negatively to the way (rules) of daycare is because he isn't expected to follow the same rules at home. Then you can approach the subject of termination by giving mom an ultimatum that if things don't change you will need to terminate. The ball is then in her court and if she does recognize that what she is doing is partly to blame and doesn't change then she has no one to blame but herself if you do terminate. At least she was warned.

Also just because he wants doesn't mean he gets and he will learn that there are two sets of rules. It is not wrong to come across as the meany and say no to him, refuse to give him anything to eat or drink if it is not a snack/meal time for the other kids too or to pick him up if he demands. Yes it will be noisy but if you don't say no and not do the things either there is no way for him to learn what your rules are.

I hear ya on what a peaceful week this last one has been!! :) I have had the same without 2 of the kids normally in my care full-time.
I think I would feel better giving them a chance to resolve some of these issues. If you are able, discuss the challenges you are seeing. Either that, or if you do feel like you have been giving in to him because you know that is how it is at home, I would toughen up the rules, lol. Even at his age, he will learn that he can get away with certain things at home that he cannot at daycare.
Ultimately though, if you don't feel like it's working out and you are dreading his presence... say goodbye. It may not be the right environment for him.

Ooo, i had the exact same problem. A girl, but her behaviour is exactly the same. I was at the point of terminating (bc of her behaviour and bc of the mom taking advantage of our "friendship") but luckily I didn't have bc the mom decided to send the girl to her older daughter's sitter who lives closer o them. It's only my first year, so I was not looking forward to terminating for the first time.

I really don't give into this kid and that is why I almost feel like I need to terminate. He constantly whines or cries because I don't hold him 24/7 or because he doesn't get a bottle when my younger DD gets a bottle. I've tried a few things but am really starting to think that my setting is not the right setting for him. He needs a place with less kids where he can get more one on one time and get more attention. I will see how things go when he gets back from holidays and go from there.

To answer your question on HOW to terminate.

Generally speaking I start to "plant the seed" with the parents a week or two out (unless it is an immediate termination for something really severe). I start telling them at pick up that their child screamed ALL day or is not settling in. Then if it doesn't get better I type up a termination letter (I always have something in WRITING when I terminate for back up if needed in the future) and put it in an envelope. I hand it to them at the door at pick up one day. I tell them to go home, read the letter and call me with any questions.

I generally do NOT verbally terminate at the door. I like the letter because it gives them time to absorb it a bit before they call me or see me again. I have actually done terminations verbally at the door before and it rarely goes well. Usually you have a pissed off parent freaking out when you have other dckids and parents there. NOT good.

My termination letters always have an end date of care clearly stated - usually 2 weeks as per my contract.

In my 15 years of childcare experience, I have only had to terminate (fire) 3 families. Each one of them had a child that I was not qualified to help.(severe ADHD and behavioral issues) I let the parents know how and what the child is doing every day, this is where my daily journal helps as the parents get a copy of what we did each day and how their child related to the program.
If I know that I cannot and will not deal with this situation I let the parent know that their child is not fitting in emotionally or socially and that I believe it would better the child and family to find alternate arrangements. I give them a letter of termination at this time (and keep a copy in their file) letting them know that the contract will be terminated in 1 month. This gives the family plenty of time to find alternate arrangements.
I believe that if I am not happy caring for the children, I cannot offer them a happy quality day of care.
Good luck, I know that this can be a very stressful issue in your daycare.

[QUOTE=horsegirl;4701]I believe that if I am not happy caring for the children, I cannot offer them a happy quality day of care.
QUOTE]

My sentiments exactly... and I think that this is really what it comes down to.