Behavior going backwards?

I've looked after a girl for 2 years. She will be 4 in a couple months. She has always been quite independent for the most part. She's also always had a bit of a defiant and dramatic streak. Over the past few months her mother has bagun really prolonging drop offs saying things about how much mommy will miss you, etc until the kid is upset. I have another post all about that.

These last few weeks though, she refuses to do things she has done for a very long time such as fasten seat belt, put on coat, take off shoes. If I ask everyone to go to the bathroom before we go out she will go in the bathroom, flush the toilet and wash up, then come out and either immediately pee on the floor or have an accident on our outing. I now have to actually make sure she has in fact peed. Pretends she doesn't understand simple instructions - go to the playroom, put away your toys, sit down for lunch. She will keep saying 'what' or 'pardon' or stare blankly ahead or cry. She basically has been refusing to do simple things for herself. I refuse to remove her shoes or put on her coat. Sometimes I have to do things like buckle her up so she's safe.

She's also begun telling tall tales. Examples are saying she puked all night last night but mom and dad say no, saying she got in so much trouble last night at home again mom and dad say everyone had a great night, saying I never gave anyone lunch(which has NEVER happened), saying at various peoples house she was not permitted to eat or use the washroom.

Mom says this behavior happens at home and grandparents too. They appear to give in to it. They've told me if she wants to be spoon fed at dinner and won't eat otherwise they will comply and asked if she wants this at daycare, which she never has. If she wants her parents to sleep with her in her room or on the couch or even the floor, they'll do it.

I try to ignore this as much as possible telling her 'you're a big girl and can do it on your own' and walk away until the task is complete. If she does what I ask I'll just tell her I'm happy about it and wasn't that easy?' Mom and dad aren't too concerned but I think it's stemming from home a lot.

Thoughts on what else I can do here to help her get back up to speed? It's super irritating!

Ugh...unfortunately, this is probably stemming from how things are at home. She knows if she pushes enough, her parents will cave. I would probably have a pretty frank discussion with the parents about her behaviour and how it is unacceptable for her age. I would tell them you will not help her with things you know she can do, and they should support this at home as well. If you keep it up, she may stop trying to test you and stop the behaviour. However, if the parents aren't on board at home, this just may continue.

R u in ontario? If yes .... Is she not in school if she will be four in a couple of months?

Nope. Not in Ontario.

Unfortunately bookworm above nailed it...if parents are not working with you at home, everything you do will be for nothing. If they are caving in, they are making your job so much harder. What has changed in her life? divorce? moving? new baby?

The thing is, as far as I know, nothing has changed. No moving, no new baby, no divorce or deaths or sickness with family or friends. The only thing I've really noticed began with mom starting this drop off nonsense at the door with saying things like 'I'm so, so sad to leave you all day! I will miss you so much'. She actually seems pleased when the kid is upset that she's leaving. I get the impression that she wants to feel that her daughter needs her. I think she maybe realized how quickly the kid is growing and that she's always been quite independent and felt left behind? And began this babying and now the child has grown to expect it.

wonder what switched for mom , then...that the dcg is picking up on. Sorry if I've missed it, but have you tried talking to mom about it? Letting her know that when she says things like that, she is creating a sense of insecurity and fear in her child? It's not like she's new, if you've had her for 2 years...:S

Unless you get dcg's parents on board, you are in for a terrible ride. Sorry, but there is only 3 ways that this can play out. Either parents get on board ASAP (which will probably never happen), You continue with a tyrant who will eventually wear you out and ruin the dynamics of your daycare, or you can advertise, replace and terminate.


Good Luck :mellow: