Heeeeeeeeelp!

Kay Ladies!
I need some intervention or something. Here's the down low...
3yob just started 3 weeks ago. Speech therapist says he is 1 yr behind in his communication speech and about 6 months behind in his emotional communication (like when he gets mad, sad, etc). So he literally says not a word and just grunts. He's had lots of ear infections growing up and in turn has had to get tubes in his ears. He is smart, extremely helpful, can dress himself (mostly), understands direction, an overall great kid. Buuuuuut......he has the WORST temper tantrums! And they happen at the drop of a hat. I wipe his nose BAM, I ask him to stop taking other kids toys BAM, someone touches his shoe BAM. You get the point. And they aren't like anything simple. He throws himself to the ground (forward, backwards, sideways) he has crashed into my diaper changing station, on top of toys, into a table, into a bicycle, all his limbs flail so if anyone is in the area they get to feel it too and he's covered in bruises because of it. He screams and cries and then he's done. Today he was going berserk and was kicking and was getting all the other kids so I picked him up to protect the others and the middle of my spine went 'pop'! and now I am sitting here in major pain with a heat pack. Mom says she has been dealing with them at home too and either ignores it because it happens so often lately or she puts him in his room (which is his timeout spot as well) - I have been putting him straight into his playpen but now I've messed up my back that I'm not willing to pick him up anymore. What do I do!?

I know it's easy to say 'terminate' but I don't want to terminate him just yet because 1) His surroundings are still new to him and he has never been in a day home before so this is a learning experience for him too 2) The mom is working on getting a speech therapist person which is provided through the day home licensing people that I am through to come in and work with him twice a week (kinda cool that they offer this for free) 3) Overall he is a great kid but this week has been REALLY bad 4) It has been really hard to fill this space and to be honest financially I need him (pretty crappy reason though because I hate to think of children in terms of finance)

But at the same time a couple months ago I just got rid of 2 difficult children that I stuck it out for a year for in hopes that it would get better and it didn't and now my husband is very adamant on making sure I don't put myself through that again. I'm happy that my husband protects me in this sense but at the same time I just can't give up yet.

How long does transition take? and when would you say is enough?
I kinda have a feeling that this boy has something else going on developmentally but he's going to specialists so I'm sure they would notice too (unless mom isn't saying anything which could be something too - I don't know if it's correct to ask that either). Sorry for my ramblings and thanks in advance for you help

A lot of things such as autism or ADD are more visible in group care because part of the syndrome is the child's inability to cope with confusion which doesn't happen one on one. With the ear issues the noise levels could be deafening to him so anytime a voice is raised above a whisper he freaks out. His behaviour is still out of sync for a child that is 2 1/2 and something we would also be complaining about so his speech levels do not account for this part of his behaviour. Unfortunately even medical staff get caught up in blaming everything on one thing instead of looking for more than one cause. The behaviour needs to be addressed separately but has probably been ignored because of the amount of time and effort that has been put into the speech and ear issues.

Not sure trying to put a 3 year old in a hyper state in a playpen was a good idea. A sectioned off time out/cool down spot using the play yard would be one option that doesn't involve lifting - more just dragging. Some like this actually need to be restrained to calm them down. Get behind and cross the arms in front and bring them to their sides holding them so they can't move them. When the arms stop flailing, start to pull child down to the floor so they are sitting in front of you and your body is more or less enveloping them giving them security. Sounds bad I know but sometimes the only way to help them gain composure because self soothing is still beyond them and will need to be taught over time - not during a tantrum.

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Originally Posted by playfelt

Not sure trying to put a 3 year old in a hyper state in a playpen was a good idea. A sectioned off time out/cool down spot using the play yard would be one option that doesn't involve lifting - more just dragging. Some like this actually need to be restrained to calm them down. Get behind and cross the arms in front and bring them to their sides holding them so they can't move them. When the arms stop flailing, start to pull child down to the floor so they are sitting in front of you and your body is more or less enveloping them giving them security. Sounds bad I know but sometimes the only way to help them gain composure because self soothing is still beyond them and will need to be taught over time - not during a tantrum.

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Good advice about holding him. Sometimes kids like this need the pressure of being held as Playfelt mentioned with their arms crossed in front of them. I wonder if you have a magic bag, or bean bag that is big enough to lay across his lap or his shoulders? My son has special needs, and they use the "weight snake" with him at school, and I've used it at home, as well. It helps them feel "grounded". I would also not suggest lifting him when he's in this state, mostly for the sake of your poor back, I've been there! Don't bother trying to talk to him while he's in the tantrum, either. Any talking through needs to happen when he is calm.

It definitely sounds like this little guy has a few issues going on.

Speech therapist is working with him- have they looked into causes yet? I interviewed a little girl with a speech problem a couple of days ago. She's only 27 mo but has been diagnosed with apraxia of speech (a breakdown of communication between the brain and the mouth). One symptom of this is also behavioural issues which I guess is realistic as there would be such frustration in not being able to communicate functionally in other ways. The parents of this little girl use basic sign language and a picture board to help her. I wonder if providing other means of communication would help your little guy. Maybe introducing a picture board would help.?

What do the parents say about the tantrums? Does he have the same tantrums at home? I'm really glad they are looking into getting some professionals to help their son and a speech therapist is probably a good start.

Mom says she suspects ADHD but her docs say he's too young to diagnose. And other than that she hasn't said much. She says for temper tantrums she either ignores it because they happen so often and for no reason and if he starts getting physical towards his sisters during his tantrums she puts him in his room for his timeout (that's where his timeout is also). It's funny though because as this stuff happens and I bring it up she's like 'oh, yeah...I've been dealing with that at home' and I'm like 'You didn't feel the need to tell me this when he first started!?' I have a questionnaire that I get all families to fill out when they start with me and this is one of the questions. Nothing in there said anything about tantrums. She also failed to mention that he used to bite his sisters and on his first day he tried to bite my son (only got his shirt and has never happened again). I'm not sure if I should keep asking questions or just see if this was just a bad week or what. Regardless, not something I can keep doing. Thanks everyone for advice. I will definitely try it