Ugh...torn.

I have a 3 1/2 yrs old boy that I've had in care since he was just over 1. He and my son are the same age. He has always been such a wonderful kid, but things took a very bad turn for the worse when his baby sister started in September. SHE has adapted beautifully, but something has completely snapped in this little boy and he suddenly despises MY son. To be clear, my son is no angel. He can be hyperactive, loud and excitable, and I think this might stress dcb out as well.
For the last few months, he enters the house with a scowl, looks right at my son and says "I don't want you, go away , I'm not playing with you today", then throughout the day they squabble constantly...dcb instigating most of it. All of this is manageable, but he has gotten quite aggressive. The first incident was before Christmas and quite serious. He did an unprovoked running push from behind wherein my son went sailing through the air, slammed his head into the corner of the wall and got the biggest goose egg I had ever seen. It required medical attention. Last week he (again unprovoked) close fist punched my son in the face, and today when trying to take a book out of his hands BIT my son on the mouth. His parents are NOT dismissive and cooperate and follow up with punishment at home. We have had a meeting regarding the behaviours, and it varies...one week he'll have a wonderful week and the next he'll be volatile and aggressive. Since they grew up together, I think they have more of a "sibling rivalry" relationship, then daycare friends relationship.
IF this child had a couple more years left in my care I would be cutting him loose. However, he will be finished in June. The other angle is that I do not wish to lose his little sister, who is a joy. The family IS great. But how can I expose my son to this in his own home 3-4 days/week?

How would you handle this??? Wait it out a few more months and keep them as far away from each other as possible?? Any advice (including how you would manage these behaviours!) is well appreciated!!

if this child only has till june and you don't want to lose the sister then yes just wait it out.....I had a similar issue last year but the culprit was my own son and how i solved the problem was to allow him to go upstairs and play with his own toys (my daycare is in the basement). I knew it wasn't forever and it saved my sanity

If dcb was doing it to another dck would you allow him to stay there?

I wouldn't stand for that behaviour towards anyone, let alone my own child. The fact that you have communicated with parents and they are on board with helping curb it, yet the behaviour is still continuing, even escalating, is worrisome.

I would term immediately. Parents may even be able to find something else for dcb and leave the baby with you.

Either way, daycare needs to be a safe place for everyone, your son included.

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Originally Posted by nschildcare

If dcb was doing it to another dck would you allow him to stay there?

I wouldn't stand for that behaviour towards anyone, let alone my own child. The fact that you have communicated with parents and they are on board with helping curb it, yet the behaviour is still continuing, even escalating, is worrisome.

I would term immediately. Parents may even be able to find something else for dcb and leave the baby with you.

Either way, daycare needs to be a safe place for everyone, your son included.

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TOTALLY agree. Our own kids trump the dckids every....single....t ime.

I also would not let my son to be bullied in his own house. No amount of money is worth it. I always try make my best to find a solution instead of terming since it's super hard getting clients in this area, but in this case I would do it even if I have to loose the sister. I would first try to speak politely with the parents and see if I can keep the girl only, but if that would not be possible I would let both go.

If the dcb would be bullying another dck I do not think the victim's parents would be happy either. I would be leaving the daycare if I were in that position too.

I would definitely term him. My child is more important than any dck.
Squabbling is one thing, but when you don't know if your child is safe in his own home and being bullied like that, that's totally different.

I would terminate and just suck up the lost income. You'll probably lose the sibling too, but a closed punch and a bite to the face are inexcusable. He's old enough to know right from wrong. Your child and all the other kids need to feel safe in your home.

I'm not a fan of terming. I prefer to work with the parent and child and find a solution. I feel that terming isn't helping the child, it's just passing them on to someone else. My job is to care for the children but also to teach them.

However, there are cases that I would term and being disrespectful and violent towards my own child (if I had any lol) after months of working on the problem would be one of them.

This sounds like a boy that I have here. I had Child Development come here as there were issues besides his aggressiveness. They decided that he's within the typical level for his age. I would have termed by now if the parents weren't working with me on this. I'm at the point where if I can't see him and I need to be somewhere else in the daycare, I have him follow me until I've completed what I need done. I'll continue on with this for a couple of weeks and hopefully I'll see a change. After shadowing for a couple of days I've discovered that he may not be totally responsible. For instance I caught one girl pushing his hand away so that he couldn't play with the toys. I'm also dealing with another boy that doesn't like to share, so I think there's a few things at play here.