Try to figure out if I'm the "difficult" mom

I'd like some honest feedback about whether I'm being wrongheaded about this, and if so, what is the right way to react.

I got a text at 3am today from my daycare providers husband, apparently sent to all parents - basically a rant about how his daughter was sick and the dayhome would be closed today and he's fed up with people bringing sick kids to care and as of Monday, everyone needs a doctors note giving them a clean bill of health or they will not be allowed through HIS doors (emphasis his, not mine).
I'm willing to give a lot of leeway to a parent who's tired and caring for a sick child in the middle of the night. Although I found the whole text bizarrely unprofessional in an angry, accusatory way, I figured he was having a rough time of it and I'd let it slide.
However, I have no intentions of going along with his demand for a doctors note. I am not wasting my time, my doctors time, and both taxpayers and my own money to get a note verifying that my child is healthy at one brief moment in time when some walk in clinic doctor looked at him. I can't even explain how stupid I think that is, and there is nothing in our contract about requiring doctors notes to be accepted into care.

At the same time... maybe I am "that" mom. I drop my son off when he has a cold, as long as the fluids are clear. I don't consider my child to be sick if he's got a low grade fever and *absolutely* no other symptoms. I kept him home one day this week after he'd thrown up in the night and had diarrhea the following day, but I dropped him off the next day even though it hadn't been a full 24 hours since his last BM. His daily record indicated that he did not, in fact, have any BMs that day, so I don't know if that makes it ok or not.

I know that everybody has different ways of managing their own health. I'm not the kind of person who goes to a doctor when I have a cold, or the flu, unless something is truly abnormal. My daycare provider is not that way - she's taking her kids and herself to the doctor about everything, all the time.

I am I being an idiot, or taking advantage of her? Or is this just a case of two parents with fundamentally different ideas who are probably not going to be able to sort this out?

First, if your child had diarrhea at home then he should have stayed home till he had not had one for 24 hours if that is in the contract you signed. Also, if you are requested the same thing about a fever, that also includes a low grade fever if that is what is in your contract.
That all being said, that dad is crazy!!! I would be calling to talk with your daycare provider to see if she know her husband sent out this text and if she is not apologetic or regretful about how he handled it I would be seeking care elsewhere. It was completely unprofessional. You are in her daycare, not his. If she is apologetic you need to have her reassure you that nothing like that will happen again and that all daycare business is to be done between you and her, never with the husband, and let her know that if it happens again you will be seeking care elsewhere.

What is her sick policy? If she doesn't have one, she needs to set one out. It will save her grief, and let you know what to expect, as well.

I agree a doctor's note to say your child is healthy seems excessive. However, as a provider, I understand their frustration. I have had parents dope and drop, bring their kids knowingly ill (with stomach flu, croup and fevers), etc etc. It is very frustrating for me b/c I go over this extensively in my interviews with parents that I don't care for sick children. I will (and have) terminated care with families b/c of this.

Everyone will have different sick policies. Sounds like your provider needs to implement one, and soon.

I would have a chat with her and get it sorted out.

NO you are not being the "difficult mom". I totally understand dad's point of view as there are so many illnesses that walk in that door and get passed around. I think you sound reasonable in sending your child with mild cold symptoms etc. The only thing I do not like is that you send your child before the 24 hours is up! I really wish parents would stay home. This is a lot of the issues is parents not keeping children home long enough to get well.

I would not get a doctor's note for basic things - cold and flu etc. but you should be following the 24 hour policy that she has in place. Any other reason for your child to be home though should require a doctor's visit anyways so what would the big deal in getting a note while you are there.

First, I would be PO'd at my fiance for that unprofessional text. This is MY daycare and only I send texts to the parents regarding things like this. There are definitely times my fiance and I have disagreements over things that happen at dc but in the end, it is MY decision on how to handle things. He would support me if I asked him but I don't need him to fight my battles for me. Plus this is OUR home so I would be annoyed at him telling people it's his lol.

Second, from what you have said, no I don't think your "that" mom. I do think you should have kept him home for 24 hours if he had thrown up though. I am only concerned about diarrhea if they have it 3x in one day so that wouldn't bother me.

I do agree with you that a sick note is a waste of time but it is up to your dcprovider and if she asks for one, I would likely do it this once but explain to her your take on it. I would be more annoyed at having to expose myself to all the germs at the walk in to get a note when I know my child is fine.

However, I can understand their frustration. They are dealing with multiple children and perhaps many of them are sick right now? Sometimes a parent doesn't think what their child has is a big deal or contagious but as a dcp, I can tell when something is contagious and out of control when my whole dc is out sick. I ran into this problem last winter...it was a month and a half of ongoing illness. One child would stay home for a week, than another and another. Nobody could get better because we were all being exposed to it and nobody had gone to the doctor because each parent just felt it was a "cold"...in the end, after some encouragement from me, most went to the doctor and were put on antibiotics and within a couple weeks we were back to normal!

Well my take on it is that it is part of the job that you are going to be exposed to sick kids .... It's like a fire fighter that doesn't want to be in a burning building ..... It's part if the job !!! Parents could not possibly keep their kid home for every sniffle and what a waste of tax payers dollars to insist on a dr note for a cold ..... Seriously whatever !!! Often dr will issue notes to parents who's children have contagious illnesses just because the parents ask for them .... It's not up to the dr if the child black return to care its up to be as the provider. The only thing I will say that perhaps you were in the wrong for was the 24 hour rule ... If your child vomited or had diarrhea less then 24 hours before you sent him to day are then you should have kept him hone .... Because ultimately if the provider has to close your off anyway !!! In light of what the providers husband did I wound be searching for new care immediately and give appropriate notice once one is found

The only thing I disagree with is you not waiting the full 24 hours after diarrhea. But really, over all, you sound like a very reasonable, laid back person that I would be happy to deal with at my day home.

I must say that if my husband ever did that, I would be EXTREMELY ticked off at him. He respects me and my business, and he knows that's what it is -- MY business, not his. I don't think much of your provider for getting her husband to do her "dirty work" for you.

If that had been me, I would have called each parent and left a voicemail, as well as send a text. But it would have been something along the lines of, "I'm so sorry, I know this is late, but my daughter is really sick and I won't be able to open up my day home tomorrow. I'm really sorry for the inconvenience and I will let you know if I will be open the day after tomorrow."

Sometimes kids do wake up in the middle of the night sick, and if your child goes to a home day care, that can happen. But I don't think they handled it well at all!

1) If her contract states 24hrs after vomiting then yes you are in the wrong for risking exposing the other children to the stomach bug. It's also important to remember that different children and different ages respond differently to bugs so while your child may have only thrown up once, another might not be able to keep anything down for a few days, dehydration, etc.
2) If her contract requires your child to be fever free, then again, you shouldn't be bringing in your child even with a low grade fever. It simply isn't fair to your provider to have to care for your ill child and then deal with the exposure. I am not a "rush to the doctor" for every thing either, but if she has a policy that you had originally agreed to, you must respect it.
3) That all being said, the way the provider and her husband handled this was TERRIBLE. I would never ask my husband to text anyone, let alone with crap like that! Obviously, she knew he did it because how else would he get all your phone numbers? It was extremely unprofessional and quite honestly, it would get me too annoyed to be able to stay there. I also wouldn't be going in to get a doctor's note. If your child has been diarrhea, vomit and fever free for over 24hrs then as per HER policy your child should be welcomed back into care. If she is adamant, then it sounds like your aren't a right fit for each other any longer, and it may be time to move on and find a new provider that you gel with :)

Thank you for your honest feedback - both the encouragement and the chastisement. It seems clear to me that I have been in the wrong in past instances, and that's something that I need to change moving forward. I understand that taking a "live and let live" stance toward our different opinions isn't alright if I have agreed to operate on her terms.

As far as this particular issue with the healthy note from the doctor goes, I've laid out my concerns and left the ball in their court, clearly stating that I'd like to be able to talk it out. I guess that's all I can do, and I'm hoping for the best.

I'd be curious as to how the DCP's husband got all the families phone numbers to send a text. My husband would have no clue how to find that info without my guiding him. Well...it's easily accessible in the "Child Information Binder" but I don't think he would think to go look there. Not that he would ever contact families since he is well aware that this is my business and I am in charge, though I consult him.

I can understand him being frustrated but I would think finding all the numbers and sending this text goes beyond the average persons threshold of being frustrated.