One Nap or Two

I received a not from a parent expressing her frustration.

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R still really needs 2 naps. He can make it on 1, but gets really tired and cranky by the end of the evening. The perfect schedule for him would probably be to go down at about 10 and then again around 2.

Babysitter doesn't want to do that. The 3 other kids there are all 3 and she puts them down after lunch at 12:30. So she wants him to go down then too. So when I ask if she can put him down for 2 naps, she'll comply by doing the first nap around 8:30 or 9:00 (he wakes up at 7:00 and gets there at 7:20) so she can still try to get him down at 12:30. He doesn't often fall asleep for the first one...I'm guessing because he isn't tired yet, even though she says he's cranky then and that's why she put him down. Then for the 12:30, he sleeps only an hour and a half or so, so he's up at 2:00. And then that's it for the rest of the day. He's supposed to stay up from 2:00 til 7:00. And he just has trouble with that.

I've tried putting him down right when he gets home, but that doesn't always help the crankiness because it's so late in the day and I also want to see my kid when we get home!

I brought it up with her today and she said that she's been trying for the morning nap, but he really needs to start getting on the other kids' schedules. I said that's all well and good, but it needs to be what's best for Ryan. (I know that many daycares make toddlers get to 1 nap, but I thought by doing an in-home, maybe we could get things more personalized.) She said yeah, yeah, but...

So later this evening I get an email detailing her schedule that was laid out in her contract. And how if he sleeps at 2:00, then it would be messing up the schedule for the rest of the kids (they are supposed to be playing outside if possible at that time). And she needs to meet the needs of the other kids as well. Great, but, it doesn't seem to be a compromise. It seems to be that we're meeting the needs of the other kids at the expense of my kid.

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she goes on to say that the way the daycare lady is handling it is rubbing her the wrong way.

In addition she says

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DH and I just both don't really like this woman. It's weird, when you pick him up or drop him off, she has no interest in chatting at all. I feel awkward when I stay a bit and talk...like she wants me to go. R seems to like her at least. And for right now I don't have someone else to go to. So I don't want to make her too pissed off. But I want to be heard.

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My advice is basically- find a new arrangement- obviously this is not working for you. But I do not want to offend her.

thoughts?

(in my opinion, she is really high maintenance, and kind of demanding- it would take a special provider to be able to handle her)

I agree, high maintenance. As has been said on this forum countless times, if you want that type of individualized care, you should hire a nanny or quit your job and stay home. I do think that some type of compromise could be made though...maybe put the kids down at 1 or 1:15 instead of 12:30? This might stretch out R's afternoon nap thereby making it better for his late afternoon? However, I would not allow other children in my care to suffer for the sake of one...

Myolder kids on one nap sleep from 1-3. My younger ones nap from 9-10:30 at the latest and then after I put the older kids down I do half an hour of baby playtime with the little ones and then in bed for 1:30. Meaning they all wake up at 3 as in the older ones do 2 hours and the younger ones do an hour or so in the morning and 1 1/2 in the afternoon.

You don't say how old the child is so I am assuming that it is a one year old that has just started care. Many kids up to 18 months still need that top up nap in the morning.

I think I would suggest to the parent to find other care more appropriate for the needs of her child. I understand the daycare provider, she has all three year olds who don't need that morning nap and it would be much more beneficial to have them outside in the morning. I wouldn't change my schedule either.

I only accept kids 12 months and up and I've explained to parents that there are no morning naps here...we are outside. However, we do take a half hour walk and if their child fell asleep in the stroller that's fine and can remain sleeping for our backyard play. That would be my compromise to the parent. If that's not good enough, then I would help her fine more suitable care...perhaps with younger infants and toddlers.

Hmmm any study I have read would disagree with this nap schedule that the parent wants for their child. Most every study recommends that children never sleep beyond 3 pm or else they will ruin their bedtime.

I think if the parents is determined that it MUST be the schedule she wants i.e nap at 2 pm for afternoon then she should find a live in or live out nanny where it is 1 on 1.:yes: She wants individualized care and that is not possible in a group setting

You can't have two separate nap schedules or else there will NEVER be time to go outside and lunches and snacks are all thrown out of whack because someone is basically sleeping for a large chunk of the day in the house (either the 1 child or the other 3) when you add up the 'sleeping time' between both groups it would be totally paralyzing the provider to accommodate such a long period of naps for two different groups

I agree, I think this parent is asking too much of their provider. I have also never heard of a nap at 2pm, it is so late.
I had a parent recently who wanted my daycare to accommodate her child's nap schedule- one at 11am and one 3pm, which basically means her child would be napping AROUND daycare naptime of 12:00-2:30pm. I will allow a transition weeks if it is ABSOLUTELY necessary and if the child will still have their afternoon nap, but after that I believe that the children should all be on relatively the same schedule, so that we can make the most of our day! :)

I also agree. I have one dck who could almost use a morning nap (he gets VERY cranky towards the end of the morning) but I prefer to keep the kids on the same schedule. The mom has kind of hinted a few times about putting him down in the morning if he's tired and occasionally, depending on what we're doing that day, I will. This is very rare and I have told his mom on many occassions that nap time is in the afternoon. Not only is it so the kids are all on the same schedule and we get the most out of our day, but it's also so I can get a break too.

I love having the youngest do a morning nap/rest even if it is half an hour because then I can concentrate on crafts or whatever with the older ones. One of the reasons our outside playtime is after afternoon nap is because I don't mind taking little ones so rarely have months without someone napping in the morning.

Depends a lot on your area too in the sense that some of my kids are up at 6 and to daycare before 7 so by 9 am they have been up over 3 hours and starting to get cranky. It just makes for a better day for all of us if they get a short nap.

Yup, gotta go with the provider on this one. Not that I won't do a morning nap, because I will, but not at the expense of the usual nap time routine.
Sounds like mom is new to the whole idea of multi-child care, and hasn't realized that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Did she not read the contract, and therefore the daily schedule? Is she not realizing that most kids are a little out of sorts when coming home from daycare? They are tired, from playing all day, and over stimulated. They are getting hungry, because it's usually close to supper time. They are miffed at mom and dad for being gone all day, and if it's a new situation they are still adjusting.
As for the "no desire to chit-chat"; Ummmm, is the provider still caring for other kids? She probably doesn't have time to stand at the door and shoot the breeze!! As we all know, that is exactly when little Johnny will choose to pull little Sally's hair, when she steals his toy, lol! Not to mention, it's the end of the day, she has put in her 10 or so hours and can't wait to be "off" so she can cook dinner, spend time with her family or get to hockey practice. Someone doesn't need to be bubbly and talkative to be a good provider. It's about how she takes care of the kids.
I don't think it's unreasonable for a child to be up for 5 hours, before bedtime.