I have a 4 year old girl who just doesn't listen.
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I have a 4 year old girl who just doesn't listen.
Based on how you've stated you feel, I think you have to term.
"I just can't care for her any more", "My patience for her his just gone", "I dread her because of the frustration she makes me feel".
Bottom line, you don't want this particular child in your day care any more. It's only fair to let her go.
Have you or someone you know ever been through the ADHD/ADD evaluation process? It's not quick and usually takes about 6 months to complete. It's beyond exhausting for the child. Then if they "think" it might be, there's the whole issue of meds, testing the dosage, days off each time the dosage is changed to see the reactions, and so on. For a child to begin the evaluation process until reaching a point when a plan can be drawn up for future support, it's about 18 months to 2 years.
Often, unless referred by the school, that evaluation costs comes directly out of the parents pockets. 4 years ago, it was about $4,000 in NS to have that evaluation done, that's not considering time off work, various doses of various meds until the balance is right, and so on. 4 years ago in Ontario it was about $6,000.
So, with ADHD/ADD being used as an explanation for a bucket full of behaviours many of which could simply be preschool behaviour and many which could be a symptom of something else, I can fully understand the parents not wanting to evaluate at this age. The results would be questionable until the preschool development is complete, and if a medical professional hasn't raised this with them or doesn't agree, it's a lot of time and money to hand over when it will likely need repeating at a more appropriate age.
The child you have described does NOT sound like a typical ADHD/ADD child other than the micro focussing - it's very common for an ADHD/ADD child to be uninterested in the majority of things but when something really catches their attention, the micro focusing is normal.
What do you know about ADHD/ADD other than the behaviours which can make these children a handful? Do you know that children with these conditions are hyper sensitive to outside stimulation particularly audio? Imagine being in a mall and hearing all the footstep and voices of the people around you. The cell phones, the rustling of bags - that's what ADHD people hear. Imagine even being in a library and hearing the turning pages of every book, the breathing, the coughing, the footsteps - that's what an ADHD person hears. It's like a constant drone in their head.
So, when an topic arising that is only half interesting to them, the noise inside their heads is still louder than the activity. This is why it's hard for them to focus. However, if they find a topic that truly interests them, it can suck them in and drown out the outside stimuli. Think about when you are at the movies and the film really sucks you in so you no longer hear people coughing or rustling popcorn bags...that is what it is like for them but only when a subject is so strongly interesting it over rides everything else.
I will however say, that this big O with her mouth and her tongue moving around is something I've seen before in a child concentrating. Want to know what it is? It's a child concentrating. Nothing more, nothing less. Other children stick out their tongues when focused on something.
From all you describe, this child is unlikely ADHD, ADD nor is she mildly Autistic. I think this child has a very strong case of boredom and maybe a speech delay which is common or maybe she's just not interested in repeating what you have to say - if she chats to the other children when playing, I suspect she's just not playing the game you'd like her to.
When she asks the same question repeatedly, do you answer her constantly. Stop doing that. The second time she asks, just remind her that you've already discussed this and she's had her answer. The third time simply state "Discussed and done", then fourth time, repeat the "Discussed and done". This will eventually break the habit of her constantly asking the same question. Normally there are two reasons for children doing this. The first reason is that she's hoping for a different answer than you gave her. If someone has been ground down by this before and so given in, they've rewarded this method of wearing down the adults and in doing so, have confirmed that it can be effective. That has to be broken. The second reason children do this is because they didn't bother listening to the answer when previously given. Again, boredom is the primary reason. Just filling in the time asking a question as her mind wonders elsewhere because the activity isn't fully interesting her.
Time-outs don't work for these personalities. She was bored to start with and now she's excluded and so equally bored somewhere else. LOL It's just geography to her.
I think if this child was in pre-school, with her day filled with age appropriate activities vs being spread to cover activities of a wider age range, she'd find her own. This child isn't naughty or badly behaved. She just needs a full schedule, lots of activity changes, lots of time outside to let of steam, play equipment when she can challenge herself physically. She needs mental and physical challenges and solid structure. She's restless and bored.
Terming is your only option - not being rude, you don't have the skills or time for a child with this personality due to your other commitments. I believe as much as I can without meeting her, that this child doesn't have the developmental issues you think she does. I think she's likely highly intelligent and that's not being challenged.
If you do decide to keep her then I would suggest puzzles, problem solving activities, plenty of outside time. Give her some responsibilities - perhaps she can organize the recycling, or diapers but she needs something. Minimal "free play" especially inside.
Unfortunately allowing a child (of any age) to go a year without listening will lead to a child that does not learn to listen. It will take a lot of work on your part to correct this. It may very well of have been age, a year ago, and not she just has the understanding that she doesn't have to listen because she was never expected to.
Why would you have a child repeat back sentences to you? I can see having a child repeat back what you want them to go do after you've made a request to confirm their understanding but to repeat back your sentences just seems unusual and a 5yr old may just not see the point in doing this.
There are plenty of high energy children out there that are by no means ADHD/ADD. It's in their termperament and there is nothing you can do to stop their high energy all you can do is teach them strategies to burn of energy in acceptable ways.
I would focus less on the child being ADHD and how the parents are not addressing it and I would educate yourself on temperament as well as child development (the mouth and tongue movements while focussing are quite normal). Use this knowledge to teach yourself not to be so frustrated with children.
That said, if you are not getting along with this child then you need to terminate because this child deserves a daycare provider that understands and accepts her for who she is...not who you expect her to be especially if you are not puting in the energy to train her to listen but rather expect it to just come with age.
Well I'm thinking you are frustrated and looking for support ! I personally have felt exactly what you are describing . I think we spend so much time focusing on getting thru the day successfully that a year can go by and then realize that the child hasn't gotten better you have gotten thru !!
I say rather than focusing on the child , you focus on the dynamics of your dayhome and yourself ! You have every right to term , for whatever reason !!
I know how difficult a decision it is to make , in my limited experience is once I finally termed I was much happier .