My daughter is bossy

So, my daughter is bossy. This is not news, this has been a struggle for her for a while. She is in JK now and I informed both the teacher and the b&a staff that this has been an issue, please address it and help curb it however they feel fit (and gave examples of how we deal with it e.g. she is redirected re: how to speak to the other child or someone intervenes and directs the situation, my daughter is removed if she continues and we have done some role playing to learn a new way of interacting). I even checked in with the school after the first month and a half and they said no issues.

Well, the teacher has told us now that she has received 2 complaints from 2 separate parents re: my kid being bossy with their kid. I am going to call the teacher tomorrow after speaking with my daughter. Anyone struggle with this with their own child? My daughter's bossiness includes needing to be in control of how the game goes, the rules, who can play etc. She has lot's of ideas and is quite creative and seems to think that no one else has something to contribute. She also lacks empathy (great, I've just described a serial killer!) She is really focused on herself and helping her to develop empathy toward others when talking about situations where she is bossy is hard. She gets it a little bit more when you apply it to herself e.g. if Suzy told you that you had to play everything her way how would you feel? but the application of these skills has been harder. Help!

Harder at school but what about things which help with equal time at home. For instance, when having a conversation, only the person holding a set item may speak?

What about timers? We will play the way you want to for the duration of the timer but she has to equally follow the direction of others for their time, she doesn't get to control anything other than if she will participate or not. Make it a family event - so if she chooses to take herself off rather than follow the direction of others, she can hear that she's likely missing out. Oh - and don't let her have first go or decide the order. That's still control.

She's showing leadership skills!!!

I was always labelled a bossy kid when I was younger....I didn't turn out as a serial killer :)

My daughter will be in school next sept and she sounds a lot like yours. I have to remind her all the time to give the other kids some space, to share etc. She definitely has a strong, bossy, "mother hen" type personality. So, I don't have much advice lol but I do empathize. I find this type of personality hard to manage as a parent. Have you tried having a serious talk about the fact that no one will want to play with her anymore if she doesn't play nice? I also talk to my daughter about how she would feel if I did or said X. So, have you tried MIRRORING her behavior? For example, my dd can be "grabby". She likes to grab some of the young ones and "hug" them...hard :( Sometimes if I catch her doing this, I will go up to her and grab her in the same manner, and she usually HATES it. I then follow up with a convo along the lines of "that wasn't pleasant was it? Your friends don't like it when you do that and it looks like you don't like that either, so next time please be more gentle". I find, when everything else fails, this seems to work. So maybe, if you got really bossy with her while playing a game or whatever, it would act as a mirror and she might understand her behavior and it's effect on others by experiencing it directly herself.

5 Little Monkeys- I totally agree that she is a leader in a lot of ways. Like I said, she has lot's of great ideas, comes up with complex games/ideas but part of being a good leader is also listening to others ideas as well. She is just still very egocentric. I was a bossy kid and my daughter takes after me in every way. I still struggle as an adult listening to others ideas!

I feel better after talking to my daughter tonight. She is going to try to let her friends be the boss sometimes and listen to their ideas. We talked through a few situations and how she could handle them differently and she felt positive after talking. Here's hoping!

get some craft stuff out and say that you are going to make christmas cards. when she starts to get creative be rally bossy and and nasty about what she's doing, telling her how its all wrong and it should be this way. She should figure out what;s going on real fast. Stop and explain that while we all want things to go the way we want, how boring would a christmas tree be if every decoration was the same.

5 Little Monkeys is right. She is showing leadership skills. At this age they are still very immature on social skills, taking turns, etc. I find it a little over the top that parents actually complained to the teacher about this!! Really? Come on...if it was bullying or aggressive behaviour that is one thing, but being bossy isn't really warranted to complain to the teacher. If my child was being bossed I would simply tell them to play with someone else. Your daughter will eventually learn a life lesson that children will not want to play with her and lose friends if the bossiness continues. But this is part of growing up and learning.

Sounds like you had a good talk with your daughter. I bet in 25 years she will be a CEO!! This is not necessarily a "bad" trait. As well, Empathy is still a skill they are working on at 4 and 5 years of age.

I have a bossy daughter, and nothing could get through to her quite the same way as having nobody to play with at recess. She's always made friends really easily, but now in grade one, she's learning that she has to play games her friends like also.

I felt the parents complaining to the teacher was quite an extreme reaction as well. I think that is what made me think the issue was more serious than it is. I have had some time since the initial complaint and I am wondering if this is more the concern of helicopter parents and it will sort itself out on its on (with my daughter making some changes of course and learning through hard knocks when no one will play with her). If my daughter told me her friend was being bossy, I would also tell them to play with someone else. I spoke with her B&A teacher and she said to me clearly that she doesn't find my daughter bossy but she is "opinionated" which she feels is OK. I tried to raise my daughter to be independent, confidant and a leader. I just hope she can use these strengths positively.