Troublesome 2yr Old....

Hi everyone, I am looking for some advice on how to handle a 2yr old daycare boy. He will be 3 in a couple months.
I have had him in my care for a year now. On his first day, he was running through the kitchen, I say to him "billy, we don't run in the house". He turned around a spit at me with a scowl. Blew me away. That was a year ago, he has gotten some what better but is still my number one source of frustration.
He is constantly undermining what I say. Another example: "billy, please don't step on the book. Please pick it up." He continues to scowl at me whilst still inching his toes over the book until he is stepping on it. Today a few of them were playing in a bedroom with the door closed. I go over and open the door so I can see/ hear them. He goes over and THREE times closes it just as I turn around. If I say it's time for nap, he whines and says no. If I ask him to pee before home time and nap time, he whines and says no. I need to physically place him on the toilet and he immediately pees and then smiles.
Lately his mother is letting him bring toys to daycare. (Which is my contract, no toys from home, so I will be enforcing this) The entire time he has something from home there are fights about anyone else who touches his toys. I make him share but the whole time he whines and cries, in a tantrum on the floor until he gets his turn.
I have just never encountered a child whit such back talk and constant a sense of entitlement.
His mother explains that the dad always gives into him at home because "he doesn't want to listen to the whining".
What I do in these situations of whining/crying when I state the rules or ask something of him is I have him sit in timeout until he is ready to come back and play fairly etc.
Obviously it is working wonders as I am here a year later still frustrated with this kid! He gets me so annoyed as everything is a battle with him and if he isn't getting what he wants/ when he wants it then the whole house has to listen to the feet stomping, door slamming. Even if he doesn't cry about it, he throws himself to the floor, over a chair, on a couch and whimpers.
This is my 5th doing home daycare and I don't know what else to do. Any suggestions. I'm not sure how much help parents will be as they seem to just blame each other how his behaviour is. He is often up late at night "watching movies" and often comes tired and cranky. Lucky me!

Seems similar to my handful! Although mine isn't that bad. Mine sits in time out a lot. I do not allow tantrums or whining. Straight to timeout. No toys at daycare- no exceptions. You need to quit asking at potty time and start telling.

Some kids are just this way, it's their personality unfortunately. My countdown is on. 2 years 7 months until he is off to kindergarten!!!

Lol yes! I think need a count down as well! Just to be clear, I don't sweetly ask to go potty before naps. I tell them to please go pee. It is not optional, they all must go. He is the only one to whine and cry about it as if we haven't been doing this for months day in, day out.
I will pack up the toys today to take home and explain that is the end of toys from home.
This morning when he brought it (a remote control car). He immediately said "no! My car!". Another dcg wanted to see so (in front of mom) I said, billy, if you bring your toys here, we need to share them. I said give Susie a turn, ok? Susie, go on and have a turn with it." and Susie went to billy, got toy and had a go. Billy starts pouting and crying. Mom LAUGHS at billy, as if his tantrum was CUTE!! Then she says to me "he is usually okay to share as long as he is able to give it to the next person, but when it is taken from him, that's when he gets upset." Bullsh*t. We all know that he was not going to hand this toy over willingly. Ever. And certainly nmot without a fight. I instruct when and who the next payer will be with a hot toy, and I'm not waiting around for the child to come to grips that his/her turn is over and they now must share. Am I being logical with this??

Is there a particular reason you are not advertising and replacing this "spirited" child? The parents are obviously not on the same page as you. It just seems like a really bad fit.

You Need to start enforcing your contract. What good is a contract if the parent can pick and choose what they want to follow. You aren't enforcing your rules. You accepted DCB's toys that DCM brought. You should have handed it back to her the first time. You are fighting a battle you won't win with this family. They don't care how 'hard' you have it with him. They are 'entitled' because they pay you. And this is a big reason DCB has a sense of 'entitlement'. Cut your losses.

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He is constantly undermining what I say. Another example: "billy, please don't step on the book. Please pick it up." He continues to scowl at me whilst still inching his toes over the book until he is stepping on it. Today a few of them were playing in a bedroom with the door closed. I go over and open the door so I can see/ hear them. He goes over and THREE times closes it just as I turn around.

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I have a daycare child who does a lot of similar type of things. What I've done a few times is have her stay right at my side for awhile afterwards. If she wants to play in the other room while I am making lunch, she can't. She needs to sit on a chair beside me while I cook. When she complains, I remind her that she's shown me that she won't listen to me today, so she needs to stay by my side so that I can keep her safe. I've done that with my own daughter as well.

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Originally Posted by 3rdtimesacharm

Lately his mother is letting him bring toys to daycare. (Which is my contract, no toys from home, so I will be enforcing this) The entire time he has something from home there are fights about anyone else who touches his toys. I make him share but the whole time he whines and cries, in a tantrum on the floor until he gets his turn.

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If this is in your contract, I think you need to enforce it. It's clearly becoming an issue, so no more toys from home.

If you don't want to enforce it, this is what I do when children bring toys from home: If you are bringing a toy from home, it is to be shared with everyone. At the first sign of an issue or refusing to share, the toy goes into the backpack until it is time to go home. It does not come out again for the rest of the day. So far, that has worked for my place and if it becomes more of an issue in the future, I'll look at banning toys from home.

I really recommend no outside toys ever! That way no issues.

Honestly we can't replace every spirited child. I find that no matter who comes or goes there is always that one child who will drive me crazy! I have invested a year into mine already and unless it's major I wouldn't give up.

I once had a family that wasn't just on a different page from me but they were in a whole 'nother book!! Lol. Their child was my handful in that group and I started to dread my days. I didn't really have a concrete reason to terminate (other than saying you and your child drive me crazy!) so I kept them and tried different approaches with them. I was VERY strict with the parents in regard to policies and I would give them an honest report of her day. They always asked for advice and dad would agree with me and want to try my way but mom never did. They eventually put her in ft preschool and I was so relieved! Now, I am more thorough in interviews (at least I try to be) and I ask more about how they parent. I've learned that it's just not worth my sanity to have a family that is that much different than me....obviously we will never find parents exactly like us but they were just too different from me and it resulted in us not meshing well! I was extremely grouchy, naggy and just not a fun provider when I had her.....although I didn't really realize this until she was gone!

What did work with her though was.....she loved the pink chairs at the table. If she had a good day she was allowed to sit on a pink one instead of the green one at afternoon snack. Time outs, missing out on art, taking toys away, none of that worked! The pink chair was, for whatever reason, important to her and this "treat" helped her behave a lot better!

Eta..outside toys. I allow them but if it's not being shared than it goes away(this is the rule for dc toys too). I've never had problems with this and for the most part no one brings any! If it did cause issues though I would just talk to the parents and ask that the toy stay home or in the car.

no outside toys every..... i even have mini toys that are used for nap. way to many problems