At risk of this becoming a "vent filled" day

I noticed a theme of venting on the forum today so I was hesitant to post (don't want all the negativity to put someone else in a bad mood) but here it is anyways...just to get it off my chest.

DCB- does not eat at home. The parents have asked me on multiple occasions how to help him to become less picky. I have given advice based on what I do e.g. provide one meal that is nutritious and he can eat it or not. She has said she can't do that ad accommodates him at home. If he refuses to eat the meal she has made she will give him bread with butter, eggs, grilled cheese etc. He eats a total of like 4 things for them. Here he eats almost everything. This mom is really trying but she is driving me batty. She thinks its an issue with how she cut his meat or how she sliced his cheese etc. I told her it has nothing to do with and it is a behavioural issue they are reinforcing at home. Yesterday she was surprised to learn he ate lunch (sheppards pie). I even took pics of him wolfing down his second helping and showed them to her because they just can't fathom how he eats so well for me (and I suspect they think I am exaggerating/lying). I said nothing about it and she said something along the lines of "I don't get it! And I'm not going to starve him like you suggested." I'm so done with the subject but she keeps bringing it up.

DCG- Mom keeps complaining about bedtime and her not going to sleep. She says she has started to "play hard ball" (which is what I suggested as she tries to deal with all situations with a cuddle or a long explanation). She said that every time she had to go into her room last night she took away 2 stuffed animals. She had to go in 6 times! I said "how many things does she sleep with?" and she said "A lot!." I didn't get into it anymore with the mom but I have tried explaining to her in the past that she is looking for that engagement with her and she is giving it to her at the wrong times/for the wrong reasons.

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Originally Posted by torontokids

I noticed a theme of venting on the forum today so I was hesitant to post (don't want all the negativity to put someone else in a bad mood) but here it is anyways...just to get it off my chest.

DCB- does not eat at home. The parents have asked me on multiple occasions how to help him to become less picky. I have given advice based on what I do e.g. provide one meal that is nutritious and he can eat it or not. She has said she can't do that ad accommodates him at home. If he refuses to eat the meal she has made she will give him bread with butter, eggs, grilled cheese etc. He eats a total of like 4 things for them. Here he eats almost everything. This mom is really trying but she is driving me batty. She thinks its an issue with how she cut his meat or how she sliced his cheese etc. I told her it has nothing to do with and it is a behavioural issue they are reinforcing at home. Yesterday she was surprised to learn he ate lunch (sheppards pie). I even took pics of him wolfing down his second helping and showed them to her because they just can't fathom how he eats so well for me (and I suspect they think I am exaggerating/lying). I said nothing about it and she said something along the lines of "I don't get it! And I'm not going to starve him like you suggested." I'm so done with the subject but she keeps bringing it.

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I'm sure you know just from what you put about this situation that the problem lies with the parent/s and it's not a food issue with the child. If mom says she can't accomodate that is her choice but certainly not a matter of can't, just that she doesn't want the difficult task of breaking this bad habit that she has seemingly created and continues to reinforce. Why do so many parents feel guilty about parenting?? I include myself with this question because I have to catch myself before I make choices based on what "feels" best to me based on my emotions, mainly guilt, versus doing what I know to be the best thing for my children even if it makes me feel uncomfortable. I've always been strict with the eating thing, broken many a bad habit child with eating, and have never caved when a child mistakes my house for a restaurant with a multiple choice buffet lunch.

Four of my daycare kids are the same. Eat well for me and nothing at home. There's nothing u can do but what you already have. Give the parent advice, encouragement, tips on what you do and then it's up to them if they want to implement it. If they don't then that's their worry. We unfortunately can't change how parents parent. :) I always say, " Atleast they are eating good somewhere! :) "

Rinse and Repeat. Just give DCM the same advice over and over. She is choosing not to do the hard work. My philosophy is...as long as they do well during the day for me, the way they are parented at home is not my issue or my problem. If it spills over to their behaviour at daycare...then we have a problem.

Vent Away....:)

I don't get it. I am always asking my daycare provider for tips. And we try them. If you ask an expert, why wouldn't you try the plan they suggest? I am glad I have resources to help me parent my child better. It doesn't always work mind you, but many heads together always find a solution. So in this case, Other mummy and babydom have it right. Rinse and repeat :)

It really grates on my nerves when parents ask for advice like yours did but they don't take it or even give it a try. When I first started out I understood that i was still new at this and didn't feel bad if my advice wasn't taken. Now...not so much and although I know I shouldnt, I get annoyed/offended when they don't take my advice seriously and continue to parent their own way, yet the problems continue and they can't see why. :mad: I'm not saying everyone should parent the way I do but for Pete's sake I do know I thing or two!

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Originally Posted by torontokids

I noticed a theme of venting on the forum today so I was hesitant to post (don't want all the negativity to put someone else in a bad mood) but here it is anyways...just to get it off my chest.

DCB- does not eat at home. The parents have asked me on multiple occasions how to help him to become less picky. I have given advice based on what I do e.g. provide one meal that is nutritious and he can eat it or not. She has said she can't do that ad accommodates him at home. If he refuses to eat the meal she has made she will give him bread with butter, eggs, grilled cheese etc. He eats a total of like 4 things for them. Here he eats almost everything. This mom is really trying but she is driving me batty. She thinks its an issue with how she cut his meat or how she sliced his cheese etc. I told her it has nothing to do with and it is a behavioural issue they are reinforcing at home. Yesterday she was surprised to learn he ate lunch (sheppards pie). I even took pics of him wolfing down his second helping and showed them to her because they just can't fathom how he eats so well for me (and I suspect they think I am exaggerating/lying). I said nothing about it and she said something along the lines of "I don't get it! And I'm not going to starve him like you suggested." I'm so done with the subject but she keeps bringing it up.

DCG- Mom keeps complaining about bedtime and her not going to sleep. She says she has started to "play hard ball" (which is what I suggested as she tries to deal with all situations with a cuddle or a long explanation). She said that every time she had to go into her room last night she took away 2 stuffed animals. She had to go in 6 times! I said "how many things does she sleep with?" and she said "A lot!." I didn't get into it anymore with the mom but I have tried explaining to her in the past that she is looking for that engagement with her and she is giving it to her at the wrong times/for the wrong reasons.

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At this point you need to start charging consulting fees. in your next newsletter, state that you will be available thursday evening from closing till say 6, and that it is a 10 dollar fee...that will stop that bs in her tracts

It is very frustrating when we see parents doing things that enable the bad behaviour but it's even more frustrating when they ask us for help and they clearly dismiss it!! Why bother asking for help if you aren't even going to at least try our suggestions??

I sort of have the opposite problem....I have a child who doesn't eat much at home or here. I once asked dad what her favourite meals were and he said "doesn't matter. Cook what you cook and if she doesn't eat, that's her problem"....sounds harsh but I loved his answer lol. (He did tell me that she loves pasta and cheese so I do try to have it once a week now) It is refreshing to see a family not give in to the child and feed her what she'll eat (bread, mac and cheese, crackers and fruit) I think I was feeling guilty for her not eating but now I don't worry as much. If she eats, great!! If not, she goes to bed hungry. Deep down I do know a child won't starve themselves and she will eat when she's hungry. She does eat both snacks so I know she isn't starving too badly!! Last week was a great eating week for her and she even ate meat (HUGE progress for her!) but this week it's back to going to bed hungry. The parents don't seem to mind so I try not to let it bother me either. This is their 3rd child and dad just said "we don't have time to deal with things like this...she'll eat if she's hungry" lol

I LOVE the rinse and repeat! HA. It's so true. I find I give my all the first time they ask...after that they get the dumbed down repeat version because they just keep asking, ignoring what advice is given yet ask again like the advise might somehow magically change to be exactly what they are currently doing.

It drives me bonkers though, I've got a 26month old who sleeps like crap (nursing all night) and no more than a 45min nap (ever, and only with movement -rocking, stroller or car)? Seriously?? The kid is so utterly exhausted she comes here and sleeps 3hrs (on the days she isn't so far overtired that she can't sleep). The mom has asked, gotten advise, tried it once but the kid cried so ABORT. Well guess what, the kid is trained to know that if she cries they ABORT...hence the nursing through the night 26month old. Gahhhhhh. Now when they ask for advise I just give the shorten, restated version and point out that they have set habits that need to be broken for change to happen (this is when the topic goes dead, not to be risen again until months later). Gahhhhh.

Same goes for the food. I don't get families that make a separate meal for the kids. Is there some magical age in their head when they can suddenly stop making the same 4 foods and their child will magically be 'old enough' to eat what the rest of the family is eating...and somehow they will magically like foods other than the 4 foods they have grown accustomed too?

It is just so much harder to fix these problems later in life...don't let the toddlers run the house in the first place!!