Feeling lost, depressed

I just can't shake these feelings as of late. I have felt very overwhelmed, lost and sad. I am so not into the kids or my job or frankly anything. My family really hopes to move closer to my family but we have not been successful in finding employment in our new town. It would be hard to leave Toronto as there are so many opportunities and my husband has an obscure job which is harder to find in small towns. My husband has had 2 interviews in the town we hope to move to over the last year but he wasn't successful. I feel even worse about feeling sad about things as this just puts pressure on my husband who is trying so hard to make this monumental change for me.

I am just really feeling stuck here now and don't know what to do. Part of why we want to move is so I can stay at home with my kids, have a few more and be closer to my family. If I were to find employment there it wouldn't make sense as my husband may never find something. My dad is also sick and this has made me want the whole process sped up. I just need to get over this rut and move on but I am having a hard go of it.

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling down. Many people, I am sure, can relate. It is not like the 'old days' where an average family could get by on one salary. And these days, many people move to work and local jobs are hard to come by.

That said, I think there comes a time when we must take a look at our wish list and narrow it to a few 'have to' items. Not perfect, but better than being stagnant which seems to be why you are getting down.

Perhaps you could move, have a job, have more kids, and have your husband be a 'stay at home dad' until he finds work (which could take a long while or never...and you would need to accept that as the trade off for being closer to your family). Or if his job is essential to his happiness (and some careers are), depending on the distance...perhaps he can commute home to the town on weekends (again, not perfect). OR...you stay where you are, have the extra kids, go back to work and try to schedule regular visits with your family.

Lots of choices, but not one fulfills all your wants. The trick is to determine which is the MOST important to you...staying at home, having more kids, being closer to your family. If you can get moving on one of these things, you might feel a bit better and less stuck.

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Originally Posted by torontokids

I just can't shake these feelings as of late. I have felt very overwhelmed, lost and sad. I am so not into the kids or my job or frankly anything. My family really hopes to move closer to my family but we have not been successful in finding employment in our new town. It would be hard to leave Toronto as there are so many opportunities and my husband has an obscure job which is harder to find in small towns. My husband has had 2 interviews in the town we hope to move to over the last year but he wasn't successful. I feel even worse about feeling sad about things as this just puts pressure on my husband who is trying so hard to make this monumental change for me.

I am just really feeling stuck here now and don't know what to do. Part of why we want to move is so I can stay at home with my kids, have a few more and be closer to my family. If I were to find employment there it wouldn't make sense as my husband may never find something. My dad is also sick and this has made me want the whole process sped up. I just need to get over this rut and move on but I am having a hard go of it.

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I am sorry you feel like this. I know there are a few life changes all going on at the same time, heck, just one is enough to cause those feelings. Please talk to someone, I think you might benefit from talking to a medical professional. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. You say you have felt very overwhelmed, lost and sad. These are very normal feelings, but when you are being overwhelmed by them, then it may be beneficial to seek medical attention. Today is Bell Let's Talk day, (swear to you ;) and it's a day of awareness to end the stigma and get everyone talking about their mental health.

I am sorry that i don't have any advice, and i hope this hardship gets easier, and i hope you are able to find compromises. lastly, i hope your dad is better soon. big big hug!

I am sorry you are feeling overwhelmed Torontokids. You really do have a lot on your plate. It can be hard when you so badly want change but it doesn't come or takes forever. I have been feeling stagnant and frustrated myself, wanting to move on etc. but it hasn't happened just yet. We live far away from our families too and it's difficult sometimes, however moving back to our hometown is not even a possibility in our case as there are just no jobs...being a stay at home mom was always my dream too but it will never happen. It is sad that most households now need two incomes, makes things so much more stressful for some.

I want to add too, don't forget it is January, we are in the dead of winter and it sucks! I've heard of a lot of people feeling down in the dumps etc. so don't forget that could be playing a part. Don't forget to LET yourself feel sad. There is no wrong in it! Don't feel guilty about not being happy about your circumstances-that just silly!

Give yourself a break this week, don't do any programming and just let the kids play. I've been doing it for two weeks and it feels great, it's been a nice break since I have been so unmotivated to do really anything at all.

Thanks for the replies. I felt better just putting it out there really. I haven't really spoken to my spouse about it all as I did not want him to feel bad that I was so disappointed about his job interview. I think it is a bit of the Jan blues (It is freezing here but there is no snow to play with!) and a bit of feeling like I don't have any control over my situation e.g. we need a job to be available, need to be successful in getting it etc. I think I am also bored doing the same thing every day, day in and out. The summer offers more variety I find and we are more mobile (have been stuck at the house and in the backyard). I appreciate the encouragement and suggestion to speak with someone; I actually am a mental health professional! heh heh. I am not depressed in the true sense of the word, however, not changing things up could become a slippery slope for me. I spoke to my husband over dinner and I feel better. I think we need to make some decisions in the near future. We are going to try and have another baby and then we will see what will come of possibly moving.

I am in a similar situation. I had a baby 10 month ago, the big plan was for hubby to take off parental leave for 6 months to help me manage 5 toddlers plus a newborn. Well that lasted about 6 weeks and I couldn't handle it anymore. It was WAY too much on me emotionally and physically. I had a tear I needed repairing as well as a I had PPD that I was trying to fight. Hubby and I were together WAY too much as well. We almost divorced no lie. After beginning therapy, and medication we found a way to make it work financially for me to take 6 months off and just enjoy my own 2 children and for me to get better.
Unfortunately now or fortunately depending on how you look at it, money has become an issue and we really need my income again so I am re opening.
I understand how you feel and its tough. I have upped my Vitamin D and B12 and also have bought myself a "Happy Light" from Costco that I use every day. It seems to be helping. Also, getting out alone or going and having a nice 10 minute soak in some bath salts with my book before bed really helps.
It will get better but this time of the year is just the worst. The weather is crappy and our finances from the holidays are too!

Sassygirl, maybe now is an opportunity to try a different line of work that is more flexible? Sorry if I am being nosy...just that I am always looking for the silver lining...