End of week 1 for new boy..looking for input please!

Good Morning Ladies!

So today is day 4 for my new boy and the end of the week. Today is my Friday! TGIT! :)

This 3.5 dcb has some pretty significant delays. Regardless of whether they are actually a special need or just upbringing and environment, I want to get cracking on helping him to meet these developmental milestones. Do you think it's to soon to send something home with Nana at pick up outlining goals and ways in which I'm helping him? It would primarily be so she can get on board and we can work together doing the same things to achieve these things. I'd tell her straight that is what it's for too.

For example, dcb is not toilet trained. I think he is physiologically ready because he only goes through 2 pull ups per day when he is here, although he gets an additional change just for freshness. However that is where the readiness stops. Psychologically is a whole other thing. He can not verbalize his need to go, he doesn't even verbalize that he has gone. I'd have at least expected after he poops that he would tell me but no. He can not pull his pants down. He doesn't even know where to begin dressing and undressing. Can not put on snowboots, coat, gloves... even his hat, the list of independent skills that he is lacking is very very long. They do not tell him...for example I have a rule that no child will touch the door handle at the front door EVER! Grown ups only. at pick up yesterday he touched it numerous times. Each time I removed him, got down to his level and told him the rules again. I appreciate he is new and needs to learn, also that there are for sure some attention and working memory issues, but he is 3.5 and far from stupid so I think he should be able to get it pretty soon if everyone reinforces it. His Nana's step daughter comes at pick up. I think she is about 19 or 20. She stood in front of the door and said to me, that is why I am stood here to block him. Well, that may be all good and well, but he needs to be taught that he is not to touch it, and that there are consequences for bad behaviour. He should keep his hands off because he has been told not to touch not because someone blocks him. I think Nana was a little surprised that I kept cutting our conversation off to keep correcting his behaviour every single time. It happened about 6 times and I get the impression this isn't something she does for anything.

He has had everything done for him, so he is doing the 18mth old thing of going "drink" versus what he should be doing "please may I have a drink" or anything along those lines. I just make him work harder for what he wants with his words.

Lunch yesterday was a disaster. I made something I never usually make because I wanted to see if it was really an "I don't like your food" or just stubbornness. I made cheese on toast. What kid doesn't like grilled cheese or cheese on toast. He took a soldier out of his dish, stuck his tongue out and put the toast within a hair from the end of his tongue and then stared me right in the eyes. :mad: He totally likes cheese on toast I'm telling you lol I got played...he didn't eat a dam thing! My other kids didn't eat it either but I assume that is because they don't eat that kind of thing. They want their meat and veg :)

I thought it would be good to spend a bit of time coming up with a list of goals to achieve during his short time in daycare. He has 22 weeks before I close to achieve the most possible and I think it is so important that there is consistency between here and home. I am not even going to attempt toilet training if he doesn't have the skills needed to do it. What do you guys think?

I don't think it's too soon. Grandma seems to want the same things as you, so you may as well find out now if she's just saying that, or actually plans on working on it at home too.

He is so lucky to have you bright. Seriously, I hope this family appreciates how much time and effort you are/will be putting in with this child.

I feel as though it would be early to say anything about developmental delays to grandma if it's only been one week but on the other hand it also depends on whether or not there has been discussion about it already between to the two of you etc. so I guess it would really be up to you. He is still pretty fresh and I feel like maybe one more week before having a serious conversation about it might be better?

Safe to say that it seems his vocabulary can use some work and I don't think its too early to talk about that and the importance of him using sentences and asking politely etc, especially in preparation for school as well as toilet training.

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Originally Posted by Fun&care

He is so lucky to have you bright. Seriously, I hope this family appreciates how much time and effort you are/will be putting in with this child.

I feel as though it would be early to say anything about developmental delays to grandma if it's only been one week but on the other hand it also depends on whether or not there has been discussion about it already between to the two of you etc. so I guess it would really be up to you. He is still pretty fresh and I feel like maybe one more week before having a serious conversation about it might be better?

Safe to say that it seems his vocabulary can use some work and I don't think its too early to talk about that and the importance of him using sentences and asking politely etc, especially in preparation for school as well as toilet training.

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I did wonder about maybe one more week and at least then Nana can't say I haven't given him a chance, although I doubt she would. I'll maybe spend some time with the Nipissing checklists and challenge him with a few things to see how he does.

We did a craft today for valentines and he was able to do it...gluing with qtips, inside the heart only, putting pieces of tissue paper on the glued area, but it was hard to keep him from walking away....keeping his attention focussed.

My letter/info sheet home wouldn't really be about developmental delays, versus areas I will be working on with him. While Nana is lovely and agrees with things that I say and seems like she genuinely cares a lot, I think she thinks that I will just "fix" the mistakes she made. She has all but said this in one way or another. What I don't think she realizes is that we have to work together otherwise it is going to be very very difficult. We shall see :)

I would probably give it another week before making any decisions on what you believe to be developmental delays, versus him just getting used to you and the daycare.

But I don't think it is too early to tell grandma that you are going to be working on making him more independent - practicing dressing himself, speaking in more complete sentences, etc. And that to make the best progress you ask that they do so at home as well.

Bright Sparks,

Wow, sounds like you have your work cut out for you. In my 10 yrs. doing home daycare, I have had a couple of kids like this. If Grandma is with you on this, then yes, of course put a plan down in writing. Maybe take the week-end and give it to her Monday.

Have been putting anything in writing yet? I ask, because for me, often that helps to focus my concerns. If you keep a small pad with you, or close by all day, take note of the little things you notice, behaviour, eating, words, interactions, etc. Do the behaviour issues get worse when Grandma/stepdaughter is there? For me, that's a red flag.

Keeping these kind of notes, might help with your letter to Grandma. If you only have 22 weeks left, you might want to prioritize your plan. The self-help skills needed for potty training come before the potty. Can't pee in the toilet if you can't pull your pants down.

If Grandma is truly "onboard" you might want to set down some rules (if you don't already) about pick up and drop off. For example, Grandma isn't allowed to take off or put on ANY of his clothes in your house. What she does at home you can't control. So, this way, YOU are the only one interacting with him at these times. She can obviously say good bye, hug, kiss, wave, whatever she wants in that regard. Also, is there a specific pick up time? If so, you might try starting to get him ready early. I have had to do this too. If you treat your teaching of him like he's a toddler and not a 3.5 yo, you might have some luck. Hand over hand, simple words and don't hesitate to use the other kids to help "teach." Know-it-all 4year olds are the BEST at this!! lol

As for lunch time, I totally agree, that can be frustrating. It seems to me it was a behaviour more than an appetite or taste thing. I try not to let this kind of thing bother me. (I said try, right, not succeed? lol) If he gets junk food at home, there's nothing you can do about that either. I just put the food in front of them and if they don't eat, well, that's their choice.

And, in closing, if you're not tired of me yet, I have found that Grandparents often let the children get away with more that the parents would. I know in this case the parents are not in the picture but there might be a lot of guilt and possibly shame there. Is this Mom's mom, or Dad's? That might make a difference too.

If you come up with a plan, she might be relieved to have some guidance from you, a professional. Also, do you have services in your area for children in need? In Quebec, we have the CLSC. You could get their contact info and give it to her in the letter. She could contact them for help after he leaves your care.

Hope some of that helps!

thanks that is exactly what i was going to say