Attachment Parentinng

How everyone feel about attachment parenting in terms of the children you get as clients not your own?

I have personally found it so much harder to transition a child that has been raised using attachment parenting & nursed vs a child that hasn't or uses a bottle.

Majority of my clients recently are ones who are involved with attachment parenting and it is getting really hard because some of the expectations. I need a lot of help/guidance because I don't know what should be doing and what I shouldn't. I want to make everyone happy but I know realistically I can't.

I have a child (11 month DCG) who has been raised using this method. The parents are a same sex couple (females) and I feel that the mother who didn't give birth feels that the child won't be as attached to her once daycare starts because she won't take that time with her and because I don't carry babies and use that method here.

They are worried about her napping (so am I) because she needs to be worn or nursed to sleep. I AGREED to wear the baby with their carrier temporary to help with the transition but I figured out quickly I can't because I can't wear her all day and if I wear her for short periods of time she cries even more and to be honest with 5 kids it's impossible. I have a helper and I think they will suggest that she wears the baby but I don't think that's right nor do I feel like it will help with gaining independence for sleep.

I got the child to nap today and I honestly didn't think I ever would have. What I did was put her in a play pen, she started crying of course and would go in and hold her then put her back down(would always be standing) every 10 mins. After 45 mins of going in and out every 10 mins she eventually gave in and napped.

They were pretty upset as they think I let her cry for 10 mins without doing anything but I do not see any other options.

Please help and let me know what I can do to fix this or what another alternative would be. Mom also wanted to come at nap time and nurse her so she would sleep and I thought that was a very bad idea but let me know your thoughts I am open to ANYTHING!

Thank you :)

I do not take AP kids ever ..... Parents who use the AP style of parenting and then plan on putting the child in daycare are very selfish .... AP is not conducive to group care and there is no way you can care for multiple children this way not to mention the wear and tear on your body ....It would not fly hear cause I'm a CIO girl
Also my rule is if you come back you must take your child with you because kids learn that when mom or dad comes its time to go home and if the parent cones to nurse and leave then that's not fair to the child .... Yes I understand that the child will be asleep but it won't always be that way and then you have an upset child to deal with .... Plus that does not help the child to learn to self soothe.
Did you not know this family ap'ed or was it a immediate placement and there was no time to make adjustments in order to prepare the child for group care ?

I think tossing a child raised with AP into group care is one of the worst things a parent can do. Group care is simply NOT conducive to AP and the child will understandably, freak out, as that is what they are used to.

You cannot reasonably care for this this child the way the parents want you to (rocking to sleep, wearing them all day, etc) and still care for the other children you have in care. The parents of the other children you have are paying the exact same fee for the exact same service as these clients, and what attention are those other kids getting when you're rocking this child to sleep or spending an hour getting her to sleep?

The parents need to get on board with the way YOU run things and be comfortable with that, or they need to hire a nanny they can boss around.

Don't let her come back at nap time to nurse the baby to sleep. Not only will that be so confusing for the little one, but it's not fair for the other children. Right at nap time, when they are all exhausted, they will not understand why little janie gets her mommy to snuggle but they don't. You'll have a house full of exhausted upset children.

As hard as it will be, I think you'll need to stand your ground. If they felt that strongly about AP, I'm surprised they didn't specifically seek out an AP provider or a nanny.

For what it's worth, I've used a few AP principles with my kids and when I was preparing to put my oldest into daycare, I made sure to ensure that I had a caregiver that wouldn't do cry it out BUT I also took the time before I went back to work to ensure my son was able to be put down awake. I didn't just tell the DCP "no crying it out" and hand her my baby who had never gone to sleep on his own. It was important to me that he didn't lay in a playpen and cry, so I made sure he had the skills that he wouldn't need to.

Ultimately they need to decide to give a little on their expectations on group care or get a nanny. They will soon find that they can't just go to another home daycare as very few home daycares will be able to accommodate wearing a child for naps. The caregiver NEEDS to have a chance to pee, eat, clean, and rest while the children are napping.

Let them know what you are comfortable with. If they are not comfortable with that they will need to remove their child from care and find a suitable situation for their child.

I will admit that I have had AP children here and I just did not tell the full truth as to how they adapted when it came to naps. The children adapted just fine with a bit of time and all was well...but the parents don't need to know that they cried for a bit. I softened the truth for the parents. I did it because these families really had no other choice ALL the other home daycares they went to turned them away when they admitted to being AP (or what they call AP). The other home daycares flat out said they would not accommodate the fact that the kids had NO NAP ROUTINE at all.

I put a bit of extra time in with the kids at the start (never rocking to sleep but standing and rubbing backs for a bit etc. But, once I left I did not return to the room. That just sets them off again. I lucked out that the kids were all too exhausted from a day with other kids to fight the sleep for the first week or two and by then they knew that nap was different here.

I had one AP child (12months) that was held for all naps and night at home resist sleeping. Never cried but SAT trying to stay awake. She'd fall asleep and fall over, sit back up shaking her head to wake up and SIT. Took 9 WEEKS!!! Then she was the BEST SLEEPER ever. 3 hour naps each day.

There is hope with these kids but the reality is...it won't be like home.

You can't accomodate that. You have other kids to supervise during nap time. I'd use "cry it out" during naps, but some kids just won't settle. Baby wearing is hard on your back/neck as well. I had an AP client(which I didn't know about until the day they started) and the child took 3 months of FT care to adjust. It was tough, and tough during naps as he screamed and kept the others awake. It depends how long you want to stickit out. It sounds like they need a nanny.
Don't let Mom come back to nurse-the child will never settle once she leaves after nursing.

I personally would never take a child that is raised with the AP method. My contract states I will not hold bottles, rock to sleep etc. the parents need to realize that their child is not the only child in care. I always think of it this way - if all my families had the same request could it be done? Because in reality if you do for one you should do for others.

If the moms are not ok with your methods they need to find somewhere else.

I have take AP children but I am clear to parent what I can and cannot do and I send out sheet for "preparing child for daycare" to all new client with expectations.

Each time AP parent make request, I remind that this group care and ask them how I do that for all children. From get go I always explain that fee is same for all and level of service same for all. No one get extra for one child constant at expense of my time to other children as not fair to other parent. This group care. My time has been spend with all children, not just one. If they not able to understand that, and if they want determine specifics of child's day, they need nanny, not group care situation.

When asked to wear child, I ask direct - How will I wear 6 children at scheduled nap time, for all to sleep? How will affect my body long term if I begin doing? Their child might weight 25-30lb but that lot weight when every child being worn.

When asked to cosleep or lay with child until settle, I ask direct - Who will supervise older children if I do that? When your child is older and maybe not napping, would you be happy if I lay down with smaller child and leave yours unattended?

When asked to react to child immediate cry, I ask direct - Do you mean if all children crying, your is to have priority over the other at all times? How would you feel if your child was always left to cry while one particular child always seen first?

When asked to allow Mom pop in for any reason and return work, I ask direct - Are you okay with 6 set parent coming in and out as they wish all day? How will any scheduled happen? How will I react to your child crying if always answer door? How will your child feeling when the other 10 parent been cuddling their child and play and your not see their Mommy yet? How will I lay down with your child napping if doorbell constant ringing? When will we get to go walk or paint or anything with average of 1 visitor every hour? Do I get police check for all parent constant in my home interacting with children not theirs?

Once parent stop seeing thing from just their own point view, they can normally see how distuptive request is. If they can't, then they not come here.

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Originally Posted by mickyc

I personally would never take a child that is raised with the AP method. My contract states I will not hold bottles, rock to sleep etc.

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I currently have a 6mth old and she is not old enough or able to hold the bottle properly herself. I am not sure how you would expect a little baby to drink if you're not helping. I understand if they are one and past the flailing baby stage, but otherwise. Is it that you just don't take under 1yo?

I have thankfully never come across the AP thing in daycare. Yikes.

I do not take under 1 years old. The adsolute youngest I will take us 11 months