Advice needed: Potty training

I usually say a child has to wear pull ups for 2 wks solid with no accidents then they can wear underware. I have a 3 yr old who stayed home and did the three day potty training with mom. It went well. He's in underware this wk and pull-ups for nap. Always wakes with a full pull up. I personally don't think he is ready. He is non verbal when it comes to peeing he will not tell me or his mom when he has to go or just run and go like my other three yr old does. Mom just keeps asking him and taking him. I did that mon and tues. but I'm finding it hard in group care with four other kids to constantly ask and tell him to go. I need him to just go or tell me and then I'll bring him. I was busy changing diapers just right now and he peed all over the carpet. The last time I asked him was an hr ago. And he just comes to me all quiet. Not like help I peed or uh no! I know mom thinks pull ups all day is bad and just like a diaper but is it unreasonable to ask for that???? To ask that till he tells me he can go or just goes on his own then he can do underware? I just can't keep asking every half hr while I'm trying to do my day. Also he doesn't understand. Every time I ask he says yes. So we sit but 9 out of 10 times he doesn't do anything. He doesn't even know how to say no I don't have to go. Sigh. What would u do??? How would u tell mom???? Thanks!!

****I've had him and his 1yr old sister for a mth now. He is a normal talking three yr old. Gets French and English at home. Mostly English here. But does not communicate with me. Won't ask for more food when done lunch, just leaves the table... I have to ask u want more then he'll say yes. But he talks normal while playing. Shy? Scared? Just quiet? ???****

Unfortunately potty training is very much a personal (perhaps controversial) thing. Everyone has their own system and everyone has their personal beliefs as to how it is best done.

What you need to do is determine what YOU want and what YOU are comfortable with. Then let the family know (this should be in your contract). What the family sees at home isn't what you see at daycare. The child may be ready at home and the parents are more able to be leading this process with just one child to train. But at the end of the day it is your house getting peed on and your day getting interrupted.

What have you done with other children in your care? What is different with this child. Are there ways to change that to make it easier on you but still accommodate the way the family is trying to do this?

Maybe set a timer to go off every hour and when the timer goes off the child has to go to the potty on his own to pee. This will free you up and will still remind the child before he pees on your carpet.

But, ultimately your contract should clearly state what you allow and the family needs to default to that if you are not able to accommodate the child otherwise.

Ya I don't have a handbook where that policy would b. It's not in my contract either. So my fault and lesson learned. I'll just have to talk to mom. I have set potty times. Every three hrs. 930,1230,330. But of coarse if there's a poo in between I'll change it. If a potty trained child had to pee in between then of coarse he goes. But for me to ask every hr it b hard. Cuz he'll just say yes and not do anything so then it's a waste of time. It's hard when we're at playgroup or im doing crafting to remember or set a timer and stop what were doing to tell him to go. But good thoughts to think on. Thank u!!!!

But at 3yrs old he should only be wasting HIS time, not yours. Tell him to go and he should be doing it ALL on his own. You don't need to go and hover over him and wait.

Does the child manage his own clothes? (pants and underwear up ad down). If not make him practice and have his parents do the same at home. By shortly after 2yrs the vast majority of kids should be able to go on their own and use the potty (preferably the actual toilet) and only need to be reminded to wash their hands (and wipe after a poop).

If he isn't able to do all this then tell the family to work on it and once the child can be simply told to go use the toilet in between regular visits he can be pull up free. My daughter just turned 3 and while she still needs to be reminded to go at times it's been almost 8months since I have had to actually be in or near the bathroom to help her. She uses the regular toilet with no toddler seat on it. Kids are capable of his when they know it is expected. This is a HUGE part of being toilet trained.

No. For the most part he can't. He pulls his pants down but if it's button jeans hell just stand there. Not even ask. I'll see him standing there and then go over and do the button. He can't pull up his pants I always do that. The thing is I say go pee. He runs and sits. But he will sit there till I say ok done or are u done? He just won't get up and say I'm done or I don't have to go. So after 10mins I'm saying ok are u done he says yes.... always, then he stands I pull up pants and he goes to play and I repeat every 30-60mins. Like its a lot of hands on

Well...aside from toilet training he sounds like a pretty good daycare kid...too scared to initiate anything on his own so just complies with you lol.

Sounds like there is a LOT of work to be done. Maybe sit down and write out all the steps you need him to master on his own to be fully independent and show it to the family. The child could very well be completely different at home so they don't realize how much time this takes.

Also...be very clear and direct in your wording. Telling him to go pee...to him could mean "go sit on the potty until you have peed" so no pee...he just stays there. "Go try to pee on the potty" might be a better wording for him. What happens if you leave him. Like more than 10min. I wonder if you leave him long enough if he'd do it himself. Or leave him but every 10minutes tell him from across the daycare "johnny, if you are done wipe your bum, pull up your pants and wash your hands" then leave him and repeat 10min later. At 3 years old I find it hard to believe he can't pull his pants up. Tell home NOT to send buttons or zippers only jogging pants until everything else is in place.

Shift the initiative to him. Stop helping...start coaching with words and then start putting distance in between you and the bathroom while you cue him with the words. "pants down, sit down, wipe bum...."

It should come along fast enough if he is doing it at home. Home needs to stop helping so much as well. As he gets more comfortable at your place it should help as well. 1 month of settling in with certain personalities might not be enough, especially if it is all being done for him at home.

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Originally Posted by Lee-Bee

Well...aside from toilet training he sounds like a pretty good daycare kid...too scared to initiate anything on his own so just complies with you lol.

Sounds like there is a LOT of work to be done. Maybe sit down and write out all the steps you need him to master on his own to be fully independent and show it to the family. The child could very well be completely different at home so they don't realize how much time this takes.

Also...be very clear and direct in your wording. Telling him to go pee...to him could mean "go sit on the potty until you have peed" so no pee...he just stays there. "Go try to pee on the potty" might be a better wording for him. What happens if you leave him. Like more than 10min. I wonder if you leave him long enough if he'd do it himself. Or leave him but every 10minutes tell him from across the daycare "johnny, if you are done wipe your bum, pull up your pants and wash your hands" then leave him and repeat 10min later. At 3 years old I find it hard to believe he can't pull his pants up. Tell home NOT to send buttons or zippers only jogging pants until everything else is in place.

Shift the initiative to him. Stop helping...start coaching with words and then start putting distance in between you and the bathroom while you cue him with the words. "pants down, sit down, wipe bum...."

It should come along fast enough if he is doing it at home. Home needs to stop helping so much as well. As he gets more comfortable at your place it should help as well. 1 month of settling in with certain personalities might not be enough, especially if it is all being done for him at home.

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Thank u!!! :):D:D:)